A while back, a student complained we were "deadnaming" her. Passed it along to student conduct to investigate. Report came back: student never told us her preferred name. Not when she applied. Not thru the student portal. Not to the registrar. Nowhere.

Sometimes I think aspire just to be victims.

What kind of leader lets staff get away with "clearing their calendar for 2 days" because they're having laptop issues? Our VP of HR, apparently.

Bitch, either get a replacement one from the IT desk *now* or hand in your resignation and clear the way for someone less low-functioning than you.

I worry about future generations when an inordinate number of our young students rely on elevators to go up and down even one floor.

I'm always early to the office, well before we open up. This morning a student tried to intercept me unlocking the door, and I had to politely but firmly explain to them how respect and office hours work.

Professors without terminal degrees who insist on being addressed as "professor ___" but simultaneously won't call administrators with PhDs "doctor ___" are the posterchildren of delusion.

Oh lord help me, the parade of "𝒃𝑼𝒕 𝙢𝙔 𝑪𝒉𝒊𝑳𝒅 𝙞𝙎 𝑵𝒆𝒖𝑹𝑶𝒅𝒊𝒗𝑬𝑹𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒕" parents is killing me this week.

No, it's not that your child is neurodivergent. It's that they cheated, or failed, or flipped their desk into another student. Stupid coddling your little ****.

Because the folks in marketing (not me!) have control over the all socials & comms, ain't it funny how their own dumb little vanity projects always get promoted over the good work the rest of the college is doing?

Today I was stuck in a meeting with the chair of our board risk & audit committee. Business conversation finished within 15 minutes. Then she proceeded to monologue for 30 further minutes about the entire history of her career. And how she needed her garage re-decked. Whatever that means.

Parent & child are upset our "world renowned" career services office won't help their kid find a paying internship.

Kid is a high school junior. In another part of the country. No interest in coming to our university.

JFC.

Student filed a complaint that innocuous event posters from LGBT Student Club offends their religious values. I had to consult university legal counsel in the response. Sometimes I wish we could bill student's tuition for the nonsense they start on campus.

Student Housing evicted a student caught on camera pooping in other students' dorm doorways multiple times over Xmas. Lit up his TikTok (using his legal name) claiming we expelled him (didn't?yet) & making up fake reasons. How do these kids ruin their entire futures before they're even 20?

Walked into the office this morning to a student screaming at receptionist they hadn't been helped yet after emailing. Receptionist asked when they emailed. Student screeched IT'S MORE THAN 5 MINUTES. I stopped in my tracks & told that student their screeching would not be accepted in our office.

Any time a student or family threatens to sue, I have to resist laughing in their face.

Sure… you're going to pay a lawyer… what… $300/hr? Because you're upset you took a course that doesn't count towards your degree? After your adviser and the degree audit tool warned you?

One director just asked to work from home 5 days/week because they'd mandated their staff to return to office 5 days a week, so now "I don't need to be there because I don't interface personally with students."

Student's parent emailed the CHANCELLOR claiming discrimination about child's disability.

"Dear Mr Butthole, ask darling child if she's *ever* contacted our disability office. We keep detailed records of every time students drop into their office." Turns out kid never attended classes all semester.

Prospective student missed admissions deadline. Mommy emailed random professor demanding kid be admitted. Professor promised we can give exception for darling child. Gave mommy direrct email & phone for AVP Enrollment. Great, now we have to throw this professor way under the bus.