Washboard Absurdism
@sp1derfr0g.bsky.social
Twitter refugee, art enjoyer, hedonist and cheese wizard
Do ya think Abraham Lincoln's last words might have been "What the hell does 'Six ember tire anus' mean?"
September 30, 2025 at 6:15 AM
Do ya think Abraham Lincoln's last words might have been "What the hell does 'Six ember tire anus' mean?"
If the smell of buttered popcorn is binturong, I don't wanna be binturight.
September 20, 2025 at 12:19 AM
If the smell of buttered popcorn is binturong, I don't wanna be binturight.
How come American media constantly shows me unwanted explicit videos of kids getting blown to bloody pieces, but won't show me even one uncut video of one guy taking one round to the neck?
September 10, 2025 at 11:20 PM
How come American media constantly shows me unwanted explicit videos of kids getting blown to bloody pieces, but won't show me even one uncut video of one guy taking one round to the neck?
Gonna get an old Chevy van and airbrush the sides with sick-ass art of the guy who starred in Airwolf, Alienator, and Sins of Desire. Gonna call it my Jan Michael Vancent.
September 4, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Gonna get an old Chevy van and airbrush the sides with sick-ass art of the guy who starred in Airwolf, Alienator, and Sins of Desire. Gonna call it my Jan Michael Vancent.
An establishment with loud terrible music, over-priced watered-down drinks, live nude girls, and a guarantee that you'll experience swelling of the membranes surrounding your brain and spinal cord - The Gentlemeningitis's Club.
August 9, 2025 at 5:21 PM
An establishment with loud terrible music, over-priced watered-down drinks, live nude girls, and a guarantee that you'll experience swelling of the membranes surrounding your brain and spinal cord - The Gentlemeningitis's Club.
The most wide-ranging and diverse method of execution is the Eclectic Chair.
August 8, 2025 at 12:31 AM
The most wide-ranging and diverse method of execution is the Eclectic Chair.
Would you call a flatulent magic user a smellcaster?
July 25, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Would you call a flatulent magic user a smellcaster?
My entire life I've thought I'm bad at math. But I just got tested and found out I'm dyslexic, and this whole time I've actually just been mad at bath.
April 13, 2025 at 8:23 PM
My entire life I've thought I'm bad at math. But I just got tested and found out I'm dyslexic, and this whole time I've actually just been mad at bath.
When dogs wear those little tags that give their name and address...why don't we call those tags 'Collar ID'?
December 29, 2024 at 7:41 AM
When dogs wear those little tags that give their name and address...why don't we call those tags 'Collar ID'?
One from the vaults:
If Matthew Broderick played Iron Man, he'd be Ferrous Bueller.
If Matthew Broderick played Iron Man, he'd be Ferrous Bueller.
December 14, 2023 at 10:00 PM
One from the vaults:
If Matthew Broderick played Iron Man, he'd be Ferrous Bueller.
If Matthew Broderick played Iron Man, he'd be Ferrous Bueller.
Was there ever a XXX parody of the Jennifer Lawrence dystopic YA movies? If it wasn't called The Hung-er Games, that's a real missed opportunity.
November 28, 2023 at 9:38 PM
Was there ever a XXX parody of the Jennifer Lawrence dystopic YA movies? If it wasn't called The Hung-er Games, that's a real missed opportunity.
Do you think that if there's a Mesopotamian version of Spider-Man, he would be called the Iraq-nid?
November 22, 2023 at 6:48 PM
Do you think that if there's a Mesopotamian version of Spider-Man, he would be called the Iraq-nid?
Finally had the Twitter update forced upon me, and I am now seeing the current version of the all. So, Twitter fucking sucks ass all around now, right? Like not just algorithmically or content-wise, but visually, the UI, it's fucking deeply unpleasant now.
October 26, 2023 at 5:12 PM
Finally had the Twitter update forced upon me, and I am now seeing the current version of the all. So, Twitter fucking sucks ass all around now, right? Like not just algorithmically or content-wise, but visually, the UI, it's fucking deeply unpleasant now.
Been trying to come up with a joke that hinges on a portmanteu of the name of a popular line of feminine hygiene products, but I can't quite get it to work.
October 19, 2023 at 5:53 PM
Been trying to come up with a joke that hinges on a portmanteu of the name of a popular line of feminine hygiene products, but I can't quite get it to work.
It feels like people who shit on Ready Player One just haven't read enough truly awful books. RPO isn't particularly good, it's just...not that bad, comparatively.
(Note: I haven't read the sequel to RPO. I'm not making any comment about that book.)
(Note: I haven't read the sequel to RPO. I'm not making any comment about that book.)
October 19, 2023 at 5:13 PM
It feels like people who shit on Ready Player One just haven't read enough truly awful books. RPO isn't particularly good, it's just...not that bad, comparatively.
(Note: I haven't read the sequel to RPO. I'm not making any comment about that book.)
(Note: I haven't read the sequel to RPO. I'm not making any comment about that book.)
Q: What did the toilet fetishist say when his wife left him?
A: I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you go.
A: I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you go.
October 16, 2023 at 6:40 PM
Q: What did the toilet fetishist say when his wife left him?
A: I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you go.
A: I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you go.
"Jadzia Dax" is the coolest name in all of science fiction. I've done the research.
October 15, 2023 at 5:41 PM
"Jadzia Dax" is the coolest name in all of science fiction. I've done the research.
Why did that weird old Italian want to make a wooden boy, anyway? I'm telling ya, he was a Geppettophile.
October 12, 2023 at 9:23 PM
Why did that weird old Italian want to make a wooden boy, anyway? I'm telling ya, he was a Geppettophile.
Dusting off a joke I came up with 20+ years ago:
Danny DeVito's wife should open a restaurant specializing in the cuisine of a certain west African nation. Who wouldn't wanna go for a nice dinner at Ghana Rhea's?
Danny DeVito's wife should open a restaurant specializing in the cuisine of a certain west African nation. Who wouldn't wanna go for a nice dinner at Ghana Rhea's?
October 12, 2023 at 8:03 PM
Dusting off a joke I came up with 20+ years ago:
Danny DeVito's wife should open a restaurant specializing in the cuisine of a certain west African nation. Who wouldn't wanna go for a nice dinner at Ghana Rhea's?
Danny DeVito's wife should open a restaurant specializing in the cuisine of a certain west African nation. Who wouldn't wanna go for a nice dinner at Ghana Rhea's?
Seems like a missed opportunity that the movie 'Teeth (or 'They Bite') didn't have a parody of The Monster Mash...
(She has a gash)
She has a monster gash
(A monster gash)
With teeth that gnaw and gnash
(She has a gash)
It'll bite off your shaft
(A monster gash)
She has a monster gash!
(Waa-oooooo)
(She has a gash)
She has a monster gash
(A monster gash)
With teeth that gnaw and gnash
(She has a gash)
It'll bite off your shaft
(A monster gash)
She has a monster gash!
(Waa-oooooo)
October 6, 2023 at 6:38 PM
Seems like a missed opportunity that the movie 'Teeth (or 'They Bite') didn't have a parody of The Monster Mash...
(She has a gash)
She has a monster gash
(A monster gash)
With teeth that gnaw and gnash
(She has a gash)
It'll bite off your shaft
(A monster gash)
She has a monster gash!
(Waa-oooooo)
(She has a gash)
She has a monster gash
(A monster gash)
With teeth that gnaw and gnash
(She has a gash)
It'll bite off your shaft
(A monster gash)
She has a monster gash!
(Waa-oooooo)
It's been a while since Paul Reubens passed, so now I can ask...when he died, did anyone make an R.I.PeeWee joke? I don't mind being tasteless, but I hate being unoriginal.
October 1, 2023 at 5:20 PM
It's been a while since Paul Reubens passed, so now I can ask...when he died, did anyone make an R.I.PeeWee joke? I don't mind being tasteless, but I hate being unoriginal.
Some of you may know me on twitter as spiderfrog, but now I am here.
September 4, 2023 at 11:20 PM
Some of you may know me on twitter as spiderfrog, but now I am here.