And I wasn't. Because this NPC was insulting my character about a variety of things, including aspects that were not intentional parts of the character at all, they were things that were bleeding through from me, the player.
To say I was pretty fucked up after that session is an understatement.

I think I had gotten so used to the constant anxiety that I stopped noticing it was there, but hey, now I can message someone I haven't spoken to for a little and it feels normal and I don't have a breakdown. Fuckin crazy

It's still confusing to tell if I'm just being used, again, in the one thing I'm still allowed to be a part of.
It's kinda just torture at this point.