Now you're plenty popular, as people line up to blow a raspberry on your pudgy little belly. You may be blushing beet red between your giggling fits, not to mention stuck as a pampered little tot (like most of the folk who end up visiting your new mommy's booth too), but hey, its all for charity!

Nonetheless, you happily close your eyes and pucker up...and somewhat predictably get a milky nipple shoved between your lips. A few semi-involuntary suckles later, she ruffles your hair and makes a few adjustments to your booths signage as you untangle yourself from your grownup clothes...

The busty mommy type notices you feeling down and slips away from her adoring public for a few minutes, slapping some cash down on your table with a friendly smile, though despite her warm and caring demeanor you can't help be a bit intimidated seeing how much bigger she is up close...

If you keep it up, anyone who might be investigating will be too young to count all the regression traps anyway, so I think you're clear!

Clearly the move is to cast them all in sequence!

30 years to 30 months

30 months = 2.5 years to 2.5 weeks

2.5 weeks = 0.05 years to 0.05 days

0.05 days = 0.0001 years to 0.0001 hours

And just like that you're only 0.3 seconds old!

That is, until their competitive nature and the constantly shifting target of toxic diet culture leads them to guzzling FoY bottles to regress themselves into newborns to fully maximize their weight loss!

They're happy enough with how much weight they've lost, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they've gone from meticulously sculpted musclebound hunks to pudgy toddlers...

You proudly post your weigh-in to your socials (with your roommate's help, its tricky to get a good selfie angle in those baby scales) just for the algorithm to feed you a bunch of fitness influencers...

Who knows, the department is already making allowances for officers as young as 10 to take out patrol bikes, maybe by the time she turns 5, there will have been enough visits from Mama to regress the rest of the force to the point of letting her take a trike out on the streets!

And she can provide first-hand advocacy for regressed officers - why bother with potty training if it'll all be wiped out next time Mama comes by, might as well just incorporate diaps into the uniform for all ages!...

The former Captain Darla should be commended for her strength of will and mind, still being able to walk and talk to some degree after that kind of close exposure to Mama! There's plenty for her to do around the station, she'll be valuable on a desk...

If only there were a quality alternative to shearing them off of the Broccoli Creature

Not quite as embarrassing, though, as the hapless passerby stopping to help the saggy-pamped baby swimming in a pile of grownup clothes just to get a glimpse of the still-playing hypno video and joining the would-be hypnotist. Hopefully the battery runs out before anyone else comes by!

Second-hand embarrassing when the friend-of-a-friend you've been introduced to says she wants to show you something on her phone, spends like five minutes scrolling while going "Hang on..." and then before she can even point the screen your way gets a blank look and starts shrinking as she stares...

Their reign of terror is almost as bad as when the regression witch regresses for some time off work and zaps any unwitting babysitter or daycare staff that doesn't immediately obey her every demand!

Though the real question is where these two brats are getting their paws on so many AR supplies...

Fast forward a few years and as hoped, the two have remained inseparable friends!

Unfortunately they also remain scheming little pranksters whose regression shenanigans have only become more elaborate with teamwork...

Smash cut to the next night when its the toddler roommate's turn to cook and she smugly serves the witch a superior meal prepared using only an easy bake oven

She does a bit of quick math, if she regresses herself just like her victims then she can shed 90% of her body weight while still getting to eat whatever she wants (besides, you know, solids).

Beyond her own goals, its certainly marketable as a fad diet, even if adherents end up pudgy as ever!