smokyartichoke
@smokyartichoke.bsky.social
Curious onlooker, two score and fourteen, father of musicians, husband of a patient woman, lover of dogs. Never actually smoked an artichoke.
Accidentally texted "The Long and Winding Road is kind of a shite song" in my group chat someone had added Paul McCartney to. 🫢
March 25, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Accidentally texted "The Long and Winding Road is kind of a shite song" in my group chat someone had added Paul McCartney to. 🫢
Imagine being in so much trouble that the only way to avoid prison is becoming president.
January 10, 2025 at 3:47 PM
Imagine being in so much trouble that the only way to avoid prison is becoming president.
Me: "Having today off work is perfect, I can meditate, write, do some quiet reading, peacefully reflect on my..."
Neighbor: "IT'S LEAFBLOWER DAY, MUTHAFUCKA!"
Neighbor: "IT'S LEAFBLOWER DAY, MUTHAFUCKA!"
January 2, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Me: "Having today off work is perfect, I can meditate, write, do some quiet reading, peacefully reflect on my..."
Neighbor: "IT'S LEAFBLOWER DAY, MUTHAFUCKA!"
Neighbor: "IT'S LEAFBLOWER DAY, MUTHAFUCKA!"
Me when the recipe says “chill in fridge overnight.”
December 24, 2024 at 7:18 PM
Me when the recipe says “chill in fridge overnight.”
Me: "He got ju ju eyeball, he got toe jam football, he got monkey finger, he got feet down below his knee."
Police sketch artist: "what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
Police sketch artist: "what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
December 21, 2024 at 3:26 AM
Me: "He got ju ju eyeball, he got toe jam football, he got monkey finger, he got feet down below his knee."
Police sketch artist: "what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
Police sketch artist: "what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
Anybody else ever go to the store for ORGANIC kale but then accidentally get REGULAR Twizzlers?
December 20, 2024 at 2:46 PM
Anybody else ever go to the store for ORGANIC kale but then accidentally get REGULAR Twizzlers?
Big apology to everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my yearbooks. Sorry I let you down.
December 19, 2024 at 2:33 PM
Big apology to everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my yearbooks. Sorry I let you down.
All of you hating on CEOs: who are you gonna turn to next time you need someone to hop on a call, stick a pin in it, circle back, and think outside the box while simultaneously doing a deep dive on the low hanging fruit at the end of the day ?
December 18, 2024 at 8:18 PM
All of you hating on CEOs: who are you gonna turn to next time you need someone to hop on a call, stick a pin in it, circle back, and think outside the box while simultaneously doing a deep dive on the low hanging fruit at the end of the day ?
Are they still eating the dogs, eating the cats, eating the pets?
December 18, 2024 at 3:44 PM
Are they still eating the dogs, eating the cats, eating the pets?
I’d love to know why my company suddenly thinks the plunger needs to be treated like a pen at the bank.
December 17, 2024 at 6:40 PM
I’d love to know why my company suddenly thinks the plunger needs to be treated like a pen at the bank.
Aunt Deb's Murphy bed mishap was both hilarious and fatal.
December 17, 2024 at 12:06 AM
Aunt Deb's Murphy bed mishap was both hilarious and fatal.
Normalize arguing with houseplants.
December 17, 2024 at 12:02 AM
Normalize arguing with houseplants.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn't have to pay this much just to not be naked. In fact, you people should be paying ME to not be naked.
December 16, 2024 at 8:27 PM
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn't have to pay this much just to not be naked. In fact, you people should be paying ME to not be naked.
Hawk of the mornin' tuah!
December 16, 2024 at 8:26 PM
Hawk of the mornin' tuah!
How can I relax when my best friend Rudy Giuliani is suffering so? On Sunday nights we used to drink gin fizzies and dye our hair together while we watched Gilmore Girls. I'll never know that unbridled joy again.
December 16, 2024 at 12:43 AM
How can I relax when my best friend Rudy Giuliani is suffering so? On Sunday nights we used to drink gin fizzies and dye our hair together while we watched Gilmore Girls. I'll never know that unbridled joy again.
That's one way to review his new special, I guess. I would've taken the lazy route and just made a snarky comment on his instagram, but that's me.
Jamie Foxx was recovering after someone threw a glass that hit him in the mouth at a restaurant where he was celebrating his birthday on Friday, a representative for Foxx said.
Jamie Foxx Is Hit With a Glass in the Mouth
Foxx was celebrating his birthday at a restaurant on Friday when someone from another table threw a glass, a representative for the entertainer said.
www.nytimes.com
December 15, 2024 at 7:36 PM
That's one way to review his new special, I guess. I would've taken the lazy route and just made a snarky comment on his instagram, but that's me.
My grandfather once told me he had met boxer Joe Louis in Africa during WW2.
Me: "Wow! What'd you say to him?!"
Gramps: "I said" <cups hands to mouth, shouts> "HEY JOE!!! because he was pretty far away."
Me: "Wow! What'd you say to him?!"
Gramps: "I said" <cups hands to mouth, shouts> "HEY JOE!!! because he was pretty far away."
December 15, 2024 at 6:08 PM
My grandfather once told me he had met boxer Joe Louis in Africa during WW2.
Me: "Wow! What'd you say to him?!"
Gramps: "I said" <cups hands to mouth, shouts> "HEY JOE!!! because he was pretty far away."
Me: "Wow! What'd you say to him?!"
Gramps: "I said" <cups hands to mouth, shouts> "HEY JOE!!! because he was pretty far away."
Today I learned that you’re supposed to pee on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. So my apologies to the PTA mom in the elementary school cafeteria today. I was only trying to help.
December 14, 2024 at 1:51 AM
Today I learned that you’re supposed to pee on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. So my apologies to the PTA mom in the elementary school cafeteria today. I was only trying to help.
What the fuck is a vanderpump and why does it supposedly rule?
December 13, 2024 at 12:06 AM
What the fuck is a vanderpump and why does it supposedly rule?
Luigi Mangione and Altoona McDonalds are the main characters in the graphic sci-fi porn buddy fish out of water noir comedy rom com I am writing.
December 9, 2024 at 10:37 PM
Luigi Mangione and Altoona McDonalds are the main characters in the graphic sci-fi porn buddy fish out of water noir comedy rom com I am writing.
Amen.
December 9, 2024 at 10:35 PM
Amen.
Just got the sweetest letter from a judge: she says all my warrants are outstanding.
December 9, 2024 at 1:26 PM
Just got the sweetest letter from a judge: she says all my warrants are outstanding.
On what day did God create Bon Jovi, and why couldn't he have rested that day instead?
December 8, 2024 at 11:54 PM
On what day did God create Bon Jovi, and why couldn't he have rested that day instead?
Skeet Ulrich and Scoot McNairy are the same guy, right?
December 4, 2024 at 8:02 PM
Skeet Ulrich and Scoot McNairy are the same guy, right?