Steven Melendez
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smelendez.bsky.social
Steven Melendez
@smelendez.bsky.social
470 followers 450 following 830 posts
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smelendez.bsky.social
This is the first occurrence I could find of the word "cheeseburger" in an American newspaper.
Report of a man found dead "by his landlady, Mrs. Margaret Cheeseburger. Death is believed to have been due to an attack of acute indigestion."
November 18, 2025 at 8:49 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Well well well… looks like my ship has come in
A boat with the name Petulance
November 17, 2025 at 1:56 AM
smelendez.bsky.social
This might cost me a lot of followers, but our parents did not spend the best ears of their lives following Paul Revere and the Raiders only for us to have to listen to a Redcoat bass player
Bassist on stage at rock venue in British redcoat uniform
November 2, 2025 at 1:58 AM
smelendez.bsky.social
Them: Can you submit a short bio for the website
Me:
Graffiti reading “world renown failure sucks”
November 1, 2025 at 12:20 AM
smelendez.bsky.social
Humble brag
STEVEN MELENDEZ (Writer, "A Matter of Scales") is an independent journalist living in Chicago. He has recently discovered a reliable source for sauerkraut juice.
October 25, 2025 at 12:08 AM
smelendez.bsky.social
Welcome to the machine. It’s alright, we know where you’ve bean.
Sign reading: ONLY PUT THE AMOUNT OF BEANS YOU'LL BE USING. DON'T LEAVE MACHINE WITH BEANS. OTHER CUSTOMERS USE THE MACHINE.
October 24, 2025 at 8:52 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
When told I can’t buy a thrill
Bathroom graffiti: “My biggest thrills are adequate “
October 21, 2025 at 1:26 AM
smelendez.bsky.social
Asparagus Capital
Book text: DEMOTTE (1,697 population) DeMotte is the asparagus capital of the country, and each year farmers harvest 800 acres of this choice crop. The farmers have names like DeVries and Walstra and all of them are descendants of "wooden shoe" Dutch settlers, a term used to distinguish them from the Amish Dutch. They work hard, they pray devoutly, and they close up tight on Sundays. DeMotters have been raising asparagus for fifty years. In May and June visitors can watch the asparagus carts in the fields. These carts, designed by a local blacksmith, hold four to ten pickers who sit backwards, feet raised, fingers gloved. As they swing on swivel seats, they snap the vegetable spears from the ground. Until very recently asparagus time meant the children were needed in the fields, so school started late each morning. Now, with a consolidated school system, which ranks arithmetic as more important than asparagus, the farmers are trying to replace the youngsters with agile housewives.
October 18, 2025 at 11:43 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
I see what they did there
Text from the article with “shell companies that breed snails” highlighted
October 18, 2025 at 8:33 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
"When I'm driving, I'll ask questions, and it actually gives really good therapy advice."
Image from The Simpsons of Milhouse's dad and his racecar shaped bed
October 16, 2025 at 6:06 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
That’s what they say now but wait till 8,000 years pass and you’re in a museum
Website with a button saying “enter the bog” and a message that says “we respect your privacy”
October 14, 2025 at 10:33 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Brigham Young upon seeing the Great Salt Lake:
Newspaper cover reading “New Zion Who Dis” with a picture of Zion Williamson
October 13, 2025 at 6:24 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Walgreens: Great news, the great clown Pagliacci is in town
Walgreens window with ads for Pagliacci at Lyric Opera of Chicago
October 4, 2025 at 7:39 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
October 2, 2025 at 8:12 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Used to be so thick
2010 edition of the Chicago Reader with many pages
September 21, 2025 at 8:27 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Whoa Trader Joe’s has really changed
NYT headline: Our Favorite Things From Trader Joe's Subhed: Condoms • Lube • Portable vaporizers • Cannabis grinders. Beauty & Hair. Beauty. Lip balms • Concealers • Eyeliners • Mascaras • Drugstore ...
September 18, 2025 at 11:17 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Chanting “the whole world is watching” at a Buona Beef grand opening
Crain’s email claiming “all eyes are on Buona Beef as it moves into new territory”
September 18, 2025 at 10:22 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Is it necessary for the New York Times to show me this popup every time I visit their home page?

I don’t have any use for a family plan! I’m not going to need one in an hour, or the next time there’s breaking news, or when the Wordle rolls over!
“Introducing family subscriptions” ad
September 8, 2025 at 4:18 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Thank you Chicago Tribune for speaking truth to power
Headline: Editorial: Wait. Those McDonald's combo meals weren't extra value after all? Subhead: We thought we were getting a deal on fries, soda and a drink at McDonald's.
September 5, 2025 at 8:24 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
The Washington Post has an article about what to do if you win the $1 billion lottery and the advice is basically, make sure not to enjoy it or make anyone else happy?

Imagine conspicuously sitting on hundreds of millions of dollars and texting your friends and family a link about debt counseling
Family members should support one another, but there are ways to assist folks that provide a hand up rather than a handout, which could lead to a hand always being held out. Sometimes saying "no," even when you have the funds to help, can teach people to be more responsible. Instead of paying off someone's debt, direct them to a nonprofit credit counseling agency through the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org).
September 5, 2025 at 7:05 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Love it when the music venue has a local copy of Wikipedia hanging by the stage
Hanging that looks like Wikipedia logo
August 30, 2025 at 2:30 AM
smelendez.bsky.social
This White Castle serving suggestions booklet is basically the Monty Python spam sketch
A list of ten menu suggestions all including “White Castle hamburger sandwiches” alongside items like “Hot potato salad”, Boston baked beans, and “scalloped new cabbage”
August 29, 2025 at 8:28 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Thanks @criterion.bsky.social, I just wanted to see the old movie so I could see the new movie
Criterion channel support answering ticket about audio issue with Kurosawa’s High and Low
August 26, 2025 at 3:45 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
This looks like a parody but it is real www.instagram.com/p/DLiNn8tuQY...
Pretty Pious Powerful text atop a crucified Jesus stained glass image
August 18, 2025 at 5:33 PM
smelendez.bsky.social
Fascinated by this apparently new New Orleans Cathedral store in the French Quarter selling novelty Catholic and nondenom Christian t-shirts to support St. Louis Cathedral
Straight Outta Holy Water shirt God-loving, Mass-going, Rosary-praying, Catholic shirt Enjoy Jesus Christ shirt in Coca-Cola font Jesus: Highway to Heaven shirt in AC/DC font
August 18, 2025 at 5:33 PM