Prime location!

Hooray!

Your captor is beautiful.

The gap through my big clown trousers to the carpet looks like a gateway to hell. The carpet is a bit overlook hotel via 1980s airport lounge, but it's not usually quite so occult.

I really want to see that now

Hand-finished with a marshmallow swirl? I bet it is, the dirty old bollocks

Sympathies, anyway. Days like that suck.

My mum and I call that a Red Queen day, after the bit in Alice Through the Looking Glass where the RQ explains that here you have to run as fast as you can to stay in the same place

This one was specific to the Traitors!

The palace of Westminster is the only place I've worked where there were mice just wandering about in the middle of the day, like they owned the place

I know it's tough - but your tentative endorsement of cycle lanes on Bluesky could be the extremist action that makes voters in Normville turn away from Jennifer Nice, the now-tainted Democrat candidate, and instead reluctantly support her opponent, Shitlord K. Hitler