this is really vague and uninformative but I don't know how much I should say

Yeahh, you're right that I need to be mindful of that.

I do wish it felt easier to not worry about it but it's hard when it doesn't feel like anyone involved deserves the hand they've got

I'm dreading the moment when the time comes for me to get up, and I feel the boot of capitalism kicking me in the side because it's time to sell my labour again.

I'm dreading it because I'm really scared I'm not going to be ready to be on my feet again and there's nothing I can do about it

I think this past week and a half is maybe the first time in a long time I've ever gotten off the proverbial treadmill and it's so nice to just... drift. Focus on myself, my recovery. To just kinda curl up and lie there without any real expectations.

Instead I got stupid toxic masculinity pressing in on me, an all boys school and a sense of never quite being like my peers

I never really thought I'd be the kinda person who does this, or in the headspace to do so, but I guess 4 or so years of the fuckening into the breakup of a 6 year relationship changes a girlie

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Part of me hopes that you feel bad for what you've put me through, for the fact that our relationship couldn't weather the storm that was you.

It wouldn't serve me at all if you did or didn't feel bad. But you never felt bad for anything.

So maybe you'd be humanized more to me

I'm not a monster, I'm not a pest, I'm not a predator, I'm not abusive.

I'm welcome in my communities and spaces
People like me, and want me around

Maybe if I just keep saying it to myself I'll start to believe it

I hope if you're someone out there who has a problem with me/feels wronged by me that you tell me about it.

I make mistakes, I misstep or overstep, but I really want to be good

i want to be safe for people and I always want to be better