Pinned
Silwhoette
@silwhoette.bsky.social
· Nov 16
just gonna yell into the void until I feel heard
stare into the abyss until it stares back at me
goddammit abyss, where art thine eyes!?!?
stare into the abyss until it stares back at me
goddammit abyss, where art thine eyes!?!?
Funny, seems like I'm more of a jealous bitch when I dislike my partner
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
December 18, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Funny, seems like I'm more of a jealous bitch when I dislike my partner
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
It's not that having a partner I love be with someone else hasn't made my sob, but if I really love them, I want them to be happy, and can find a way to let it go
Asked my husband how the dating's been going for him in San Francisco. He said he'd been seeing someone who wanted to "stay platonic" and just hang out and cuddle, so he wasn't sure if it counted as dating.
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
December 17, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Asked my husband how the dating's been going for him in San Francisco. He said he'd been seeing someone who wanted to "stay platonic" and just hang out and cuddle, so he wasn't sure if it counted as dating.
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
His description of going to a disc golf course with her:
So this account is a place for me to rant and spill over the stuff I want to say, wish I could say, but feel I can't, because it's not nice or too dangerous or too banal
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
December 17, 2025 at 7:30 PM
So this account is a place for me to rant and spill over the stuff I want to say, wish I could say, but feel I can't, because it's not nice or too dangerous or too banal
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
Supposed to be working right now but I've got some stuff
Sloppy NSFW thread below of sexual yearning, you have been warned
I did it
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
December 15, 2025 at 9:14 AM
I did it
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
I wrote her over 2,000 words over the course of a bit over four hours, trying to describe, in overview, how I’ve felt about my marriage over the past decade
She did not react badly or reject me for it
This is why I loved her
This is why I love her
But I can’t tell her that
not
yet?
I love pumpkin pie but consider the crust rather unnecessary. I like to mix up the recipe for the filling, pour it into ramekins, and bake.
December 9, 2025 at 4:45 AM
I love pumpkin pie but consider the crust rather unnecessary. I like to mix up the recipe for the filling, pour it into ramekins, and bake.
yesterday was mildly disastrous, but in a very “that’s life” sorta way
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
December 8, 2025 at 4:20 PM
yesterday was mildly disastrous, but in a very “that’s life” sorta way
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
had invited friends over for dinner
both kids started vomiting in the wee hours of the morning
canceled dinner plans
worked from home on Friday so I had not spoken to a peer for three days (husband is away for a month)
I realize this is only true on the macro scale. Our three years together hurt because we were long-distance and I didn't want to be.
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
Can I love her without it hurting?
The only times I have, in the past, was when we weren't in contact. Times when I'd held warm feelings, without any gnawing hunger. No NEED.
The only times I have, in the past, was when we weren't in contact. Times when I'd held warm feelings, without any gnawing hunger. No NEED.
December 7, 2025 at 3:32 AM
I realize this is only true on the macro scale. Our three years together hurt because we were long-distance and I didn't want to be.
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
But the moments of being together in person were often exquisite.
bsky.app/profile/silw...
I've been talking to her a little. I think I -could- talk to her more, she might not mind, but I'm afraid.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
December 7, 2025 at 3:14 AM
I've been talking to her a little. I think I -could- talk to her more, she might not mind, but I'm afraid.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
It's hard to talk to someone when you feel you can't let them know what's in your heart, whether it's love or hate or something else.
me: I have struggled with disordered eating in my life but I don't currently have an eating disorder.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
December 5, 2025 at 6:28 PM
me: I have struggled with disordered eating in my life but I don't currently have an eating disorder.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
also me: Lunch today was two bunches of celery, 2/3 cup (measured unpopped) plain air popped popcorn, 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, and a cookie.
so I’m here mostly saying things that I wouldn’t say non-anonymously
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
December 5, 2025 at 2:24 AM
so I’m here mostly saying things that I wouldn’t say non-anonymously
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
self-judging as, no one wants to hear this, I’m gonna save face by not linking my drivel to my face
but it makes me afraid to ~interact~ on here
I am sitting on the subway with such a rich and beautiful plethora of humans to look at. No words are spoken. I get a few seconds of eye contact from between a beanie and a mask to my right. But I inspect the way they adorn themselves
December 3, 2025 at 5:19 PM
I am sitting on the subway with such a rich and beautiful plethora of humans to look at. No words are spoken. I get a few seconds of eye contact from between a beanie and a mask to my right. But I inspect the way they adorn themselves
I dreamt of my ex, as she was maybe 14 years ago.
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
December 3, 2025 at 12:45 PM
I dreamt of my ex, as she was maybe 14 years ago.
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
Upon waking, my whole body tensed in self-judgement. “When will this madness subside?”
Several thought-loops later, my forehead wrinkles immediately unwound upon a concession: “Maybe it’s okay.”
I sold my soul to have these children. I’d somehow convinced myself that I had to - that it was the only way I could make myself -useful- to someone else. That it was the only way something good might come of my capacity to love.
November 26, 2025 at 3:44 AM
I sold my soul to have these children. I’d somehow convinced myself that I had to - that it was the only way I could make myself -useful- to someone else. That it was the only way something good might come of my capacity to love.
My brain: You see, every mistake we make must be extensively catalogued for ease of frequent retrieval so that we can learn from our mistakes and make better choices next time
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
November 25, 2025 at 2:05 AM
My brain: You see, every mistake we make must be extensively catalogued for ease of frequent retrieval so that we can learn from our mistakes and make better choices next time
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
Me, in my late 30s: that sounds great when do we start with that last part
before heading to work this morning
November 24, 2025 at 10:00 PM
before heading to work this morning
Finally went and got a new therapist (I broke up with my old one 2 years ago because she kept encouraging me to get angry at my husband, which I didn’t want at the time)
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
November 20, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Finally went and got a new therapist (I broke up with my old one 2 years ago because she kept encouraging me to get angry at my husband, which I didn’t want at the time)
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
Have had two sessions. So far he’s mostly said the sort of thing I’d imagine a generic therapist would say
speaking of BPD
what is going on with the spacing in this subway ad
how did this get approved
what is going on with the spacing in this subway ad
how did this get approved
November 20, 2025 at 2:33 PM
speaking of BPD
what is going on with the spacing in this subway ad
how did this get approved
what is going on with the spacing in this subway ad
how did this get approved
Last time I went dancing alone, this guy asked if he could make out with me and feel me up. I said sure, I’ll slap you if you go too far
Ended up slapping him a few times, then left the party
I think we were both dissatisfied but mildly amused
Ended up slapping him a few times, then left the party
I think we were both dissatisfied but mildly amused
November 20, 2025 at 2:28 PM
Last time I went dancing alone, this guy asked if he could make out with me and feel me up. I said sure, I’ll slap you if you go too far
Ended up slapping him a few times, then left the party
I think we were both dissatisfied but mildly amused
Ended up slapping him a few times, then left the party
I think we were both dissatisfied but mildly amused
Thread of excellent stories I've been thinking back to lately. I'll try to avoid spoilers.
November 20, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Thread of excellent stories I've been thinking back to lately. I'll try to avoid spoilers.
from Perhaps the Stars by Ada Palmer
November 20, 2025 at 1:48 AM
from Perhaps the Stars by Ada Palmer
I've got this counterfeit facade of a being a coastal elite. Some of the trappings, and yet. At the Park Slope moms meetup they are passingly polite but it’s like somehow they know I spent my youth with my face glued to my computer screen, refreshing /b/ and delighting in pirated Japanese eroge
November 19, 2025 at 2:59 AM
I've got this counterfeit facade of a being a coastal elite. Some of the trappings, and yet. At the Park Slope moms meetup they are passingly polite but it’s like somehow they know I spent my youth with my face glued to my computer screen, refreshing /b/ and delighting in pirated Japanese eroge
Reading over my previous posts, I realize I sound a lot like a BPD chick splitting on someone.
Did some reading on BPD.
Did some reading on BPD.
November 19, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Reading over my previous posts, I realize I sound a lot like a BPD chick splitting on someone.
Did some reading on BPD.
Did some reading on BPD.
Bluetooth on my phone broke so all I’ve got is the music in my head, the whoosh of air in my ears, the incessant rattling of my citibike, and the clang and squeal of metal on metal as I race the D train across the Manhattan bridge
November 17, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Bluetooth on my phone broke so all I’ve got is the music in my head, the whoosh of air in my ears, the incessant rattling of my citibike, and the clang and squeal of metal on metal as I race the D train across the Manhattan bridge
Husband is allergic to crazy, absolutely does not want to engage with crazy. Part of why I married him, because I wanted to not be crazy. I thought he’d keep me in check, and that it’d be good...
… but a lot of me, that really feels like ME, is a fucking madwoman
… but a lot of me, that really feels like ME, is a fucking madwoman
November 17, 2025 at 2:32 AM
Husband is allergic to crazy, absolutely does not want to engage with crazy. Part of why I married him, because I wanted to not be crazy. I thought he’d keep me in check, and that it’d be good...
… but a lot of me, that really feels like ME, is a fucking madwoman
… but a lot of me, that really feels like ME, is a fucking madwoman
I was on antidepressants for a good 15 years or so. Managed multiple changes in insurance coverage by going to a new provider and saying, hey, just keep me on the same thing.
One time a new psych suggested I might have bipolar II, since given my brief life story I didn’t strike her as a depressive…
One time a new psych suggested I might have bipolar II, since given my brief life story I didn’t strike her as a depressive…
November 16, 2025 at 4:28 AM
I was on antidepressants for a good 15 years or so. Managed multiple changes in insurance coverage by going to a new provider and saying, hey, just keep me on the same thing.
One time a new psych suggested I might have bipolar II, since given my brief life story I didn’t strike her as a depressive…
One time a new psych suggested I might have bipolar II, since given my brief life story I didn’t strike her as a depressive…