Just saw a no-longer relevant evacuation notice on instagram from five hours ago and remembered — that’s right, due to hyper-monetization every major social network no longer shows you life-saving breaking news as it happens.

They turned it over to an algorithm that finally noticed “he likes fire.”

I’m doing Cry January

wouldn’t it be so cool if recycling worked

don’t tell them I said this and they’re perfect the way they are but for eating only fish and berries you’d think bears would be thinner

just got invited to something and they followed up with “this is not a sympathy invite!” and it’s like well I didn’t think it was until just now

I don’t care what the haters say, personally I love that there’s a $10 transaction fee to pay my rent

respectfully why are you bringing your big dog wearing a muzzle inside a crowded wine bar 🫶 respectfully