The Joke Book of Eli
@shutthepunkup.bsky.social
My adhd can beat up your adhd!
Pinned
Don’t call me “Gym Bro”, call me Brother Gymothy.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will trigger my degeneration kink and give me a full body orgasm so tell me again about my stupid face daddy.
July 3, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will trigger my degeneration kink and give me a full body orgasm so tell me again about my stupid face daddy.
Girls go to college to get more knowledge
Boys go to Jupiter bc Nasa still has a gender gap.
Boys go to Jupiter bc Nasa still has a gender gap.
July 3, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Girls go to college to get more knowledge
Boys go to Jupiter bc Nasa still has a gender gap.
Boys go to Jupiter bc Nasa still has a gender gap.
Just announced: Fortnite partnership with the US army.
June 22, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Just announced: Fortnite partnership with the US army.
I heard someone say
“polyamory is just gentrified cheating”,
and now I can’t stop thinking about how my wife’s big dick boyfriend might be a racist.
“polyamory is just gentrified cheating”,
and now I can’t stop thinking about how my wife’s big dick boyfriend might be a racist.
May 30, 2025 at 5:45 PM
I heard someone say
“polyamory is just gentrified cheating”,
and now I can’t stop thinking about how my wife’s big dick boyfriend might be a racist.
“polyamory is just gentrified cheating”,
and now I can’t stop thinking about how my wife’s big dick boyfriend might be a racist.
Anytime I get a scam text, I turn it into a highly emotional improv scene.
I might have a problem.
I might have a problem.
May 28, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Anytime I get a scam text, I turn it into a highly emotional improv scene.
I might have a problem.
I might have a problem.
New Pope was made in America.
100% tariff on God’s blessings to other countries now.
Jesus tells press “tithe harder you bitches.”
100% tariff on God’s blessings to other countries now.
Jesus tells press “tithe harder you bitches.”
May 8, 2025 at 8:08 PM
New Pope was made in America.
100% tariff on God’s blessings to other countries now.
Jesus tells press “tithe harder you bitches.”
100% tariff on God’s blessings to other countries now.
Jesus tells press “tithe harder you bitches.”
True story, my therapist told me today (practically unsolicited) that a threesome would be healthy for me.
So who’s free Friday to help me work through some parental trauma! Any takers?
So who’s free Friday to help me work through some parental trauma! Any takers?
May 7, 2025 at 10:59 PM
True story, my therapist told me today (practically unsolicited) that a threesome would be healthy for me.
So who’s free Friday to help me work through some parental trauma! Any takers?
So who’s free Friday to help me work through some parental trauma! Any takers?
My parents did a wellness check on me, bc I recently started smoking weed again, I just got two tattoos, and I started establishing healthy boundaries.
May 6, 2025 at 3:44 AM
My parents did a wellness check on me, bc I recently started smoking weed again, I just got two tattoos, and I started establishing healthy boundaries.
“Please daddy, please I need it!”
- Austin meteorologists rn
- Austin meteorologists rn
May 3, 2025 at 4:04 AM
“Please daddy, please I need it!”
- Austin meteorologists rn
- Austin meteorologists rn
Instead of telling your boys “nice haircut”, tell them “hey that’s a nice pixie cut, but are you okay? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? I’m here for you bro.”
April 30, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Instead of telling your boys “nice haircut”, tell them “hey that’s a nice pixie cut, but are you okay? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? I’m here for you bro.”
Might fuck around and go to a random bar, order a drink, sit and read a book, and then suddenly shout “EUREKA!” and run out with paying my bill.
April 27, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Might fuck around and go to a random bar, order a drink, sit and read a book, and then suddenly shout “EUREKA!” and run out with paying my bill.
“A moment that felt like Hozier’s yell.”
*cut to me on the toilet after taco bell*
*cut to me on the toilet after taco bell*
April 27, 2025 at 6:59 PM
“A moment that felt like Hozier’s yell.”
*cut to me on the toilet after taco bell*
*cut to me on the toilet after taco bell*
Reposted by The Joke Book of Eli
getting unlimited free samples at costco through my liberal use of suicide threats
April 26, 2025 at 10:45 PM
getting unlimited free samples at costco through my liberal use of suicide threats
Hey Google, how do I explain to my HSA that a $20 turkey leg at Eeyore’s Birthday festival is in fact a healthcare expense???
April 27, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Hey Google, how do I explain to my HSA that a $20 turkey leg at Eeyore’s Birthday festival is in fact a healthcare expense???
You ever been so desperate for a date, you get catfished twice in one day?
Haha, yeah, me neither….
Haha, yeah, me neither….
April 27, 2025 at 6:56 PM
You ever been so desperate for a date, you get catfished twice in one day?
Haha, yeah, me neither….
Haha, yeah, me neither….
You ever get so bored you go on Facebook?
April 23, 2025 at 4:51 PM
You ever get so bored you go on Facebook?
Guys, the popes not dead, everybody chill. I’ve seen this before. Just give it three days.
April 22, 2025 at 3:03 AM
Guys, the popes not dead, everybody chill. I’ve seen this before. Just give it three days.
My dad just laughed at a porn joke, REPEAT MY DAD JUST LAUGHED AT A PORN JOKE! My world is shook.
April 22, 2025 at 3:01 AM
My dad just laughed at a porn joke, REPEAT MY DAD JUST LAUGHED AT A PORN JOKE! My world is shook.
Why do pro-life billboards use photos of the ugliest babies? No wonder they were unwanted.
April 11, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Why do pro-life billboards use photos of the ugliest babies? No wonder they were unwanted.
I heard someone say “men are actually the most hysterical gender”, and now I can’t stop seeing UFC fights as men who just need a good cry.
April 11, 2025 at 8:00 PM
I heard someone say “men are actually the most hysterical gender”, and now I can’t stop seeing UFC fights as men who just need a good cry.
If I find a bug in my apartment, I’ll put it back outside as friendly courtesy.
But if they come back in, then I kill them viciously and hang their corpse as a warning for all their friends to see.
It’s as close as I’ll ever feel to a cartel war lord, and some days you just need the power trip.
But if they come back in, then I kill them viciously and hang their corpse as a warning for all their friends to see.
It’s as close as I’ll ever feel to a cartel war lord, and some days you just need the power trip.
April 11, 2025 at 7:58 PM
If I find a bug in my apartment, I’ll put it back outside as friendly courtesy.
But if they come back in, then I kill them viciously and hang their corpse as a warning for all their friends to see.
It’s as close as I’ll ever feel to a cartel war lord, and some days you just need the power trip.
But if they come back in, then I kill them viciously and hang their corpse as a warning for all their friends to see.
It’s as close as I’ll ever feel to a cartel war lord, and some days you just need the power trip.
Doom scrolling my unread emails. Lot of dick pills ads.
April 8, 2025 at 4:13 PM
Doom scrolling my unread emails. Lot of dick pills ads.
BREAKING NEWS: Trump announces tariffs on fucks. Due to supply chain constraints, I myself have none to give.
April 3, 2025 at 7:48 PM
BREAKING NEWS: Trump announces tariffs on fucks. Due to supply chain constraints, I myself have none to give.
Confirmed, GOP/MAGA is against anything green. Green new deal, Green energy, green stock market…
April 3, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Confirmed, GOP/MAGA is against anything green. Green new deal, Green energy, green stock market…
Will someone explain to Trump that the stock market being the same color as his dumb fucking hats is NOT a good thing?
April 3, 2025 at 2:25 PM
Will someone explain to Trump that the stock market being the same color as his dumb fucking hats is NOT a good thing?