Idk what to do... I hate having romantic feelings towards people bcz for me, friendships are more important
Even tho I might not be as important to them, idk, hahaha
Human connection is still one of my biggest weakness and tbh I hate that part of myself time to time
Idk what to do with it

Am I truly the vessel of 'mediator' and 'coordinator'? Am I truly able to get what I wish for? Is it even possible that I know the answer to my problems? I... how I wish that I'm as free as bird yet still am important & remembered by many people, for my achievements, acomplishments & good deeds

People are out there making real impact on communities; societies and even worldwide yet I cant even do something...
I wanna be like them, doing so many good deeds & finding out what I want & actually achieve them...
I'm so, dreadful of myself

Should I just go 'incognito mode' in real life & figure all my things out? Am I too fixated on the things I have and unwilling to let go? How should I cope with the emptiness if I let go of my 'shackles'? What should I do? What can I do? Time's ticking yet I'm not doing enough... At all

Why are certain people 'the chosen one' and not me? Why do they know so much when I know so little? Why do they have more experience than I have? Where can I get as much knowledge, ability & information as I need? How do I even reach my dreams?
How do I even... know what my true dreams are?

I know my mindset has been childish since forever, keep thinking on the bright side
Then again, I would very much hope I'm missed or cared for by people that I care, even tho I can't care for all of them everytime
I just hope I mean something to them and not to be forgotten

Hopefully the misunderstanding can be solved, idk
Maybe never, idk
Quite bitter and sad about it, I'll admit

Even more so, you only know 1 person, and why cant you accept others dont tolerate 'drama' just bcz of you 'lost your friend'
Gurl can't read a room
Teaching English doesnt mean you're smart enough, clearly you dont have enuf EQ to sort without emotions; cant be logical
U should be a comedian

At least I have Caleb, I guess