Chanokh
@shemhazaii.bsky.social
🔞 Lilith/Enoch It/Its, 25
#writing
disc: scarletwoman
twit: @LiliedAntlers
Chronic cluster headaches since March '23.
I like movies from the '60s, boots, board games and sweaters. I have an NAS which has devoured all my attention.
#writing
disc: scarletwoman
twit: @LiliedAntlers
Chronic cluster headaches since March '23.
I like movies from the '60s, boots, board games and sweaters. I have an NAS which has devoured all my attention.
If I've said Gojira and Agalloch was lifesaving when I was 18–20, then I think I can call this lifesaving too.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
If I've said Gojira and Agalloch was lifesaving when I was 18–20, then I think I can call this lifesaving too.
It means so much to me to do something that other people can enjoy. It's why I have so much trouble cooking when it is only myself. I shouldn't completely neglect myself to keep doing it, but I really should stick with it.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
It means so much to me to do something that other people can enjoy. It's why I have so much trouble cooking when it is only myself. I shouldn't completely neglect myself to keep doing it, but I really should stick with it.
It turns out there's a kind of substance involved in how you exactly made your reward mechanism fire. It turns out if I do this in a way that is genuine and not cheating, it leaves me feeling actually satiated. I even have something to be proud of, and something others actually think well of me for.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
It turns out there's a kind of substance involved in how you exactly made your reward mechanism fire. It turns out if I do this in a way that is genuine and not cheating, it leaves me feeling actually satiated. I even have something to be proud of, and something others actually think well of me for.
It might sound ridiculous, but getting into homelabbing with the NAS, my $12 a year VPS, now a little proxmox box and two raspi's I have intentions with, an old one I have to figure out purpose for... It gives my life a lot of meaning again. I want to dare say that I'm happy doing this.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
It might sound ridiculous, but getting into homelabbing with the NAS, my $12 a year VPS, now a little proxmox box and two raspi's I have intentions with, an old one I have to figure out purpose for... It gives my life a lot of meaning again. I want to dare say that I'm happy doing this.
But that's not very likely. That's a thing I am paranoid and fearful of, but I am fear less fearful of it lately. I've been coming to terms with what happened. I no longer constantly explain it to people because I can barely process it myself and keep repeating to wrap my mind around it.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
But that's not very likely. That's a thing I am paranoid and fearful of, but I am fear less fearful of it lately. I've been coming to terms with what happened. I no longer constantly explain it to people because I can barely process it myself and keep repeating to wrap my mind around it.
The only way I see, so far, for that to happen, is if my cluster headaches somehow become way more aggressive and not even aggressive use of tryptamines, phenethylamines, or even the subpar shit from the pharmacy will offer prophylaxis. How do the people for whom oxygen doesn't work just continue?
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
The only way I see, so far, for that to happen, is if my cluster headaches somehow become way more aggressive and not even aggressive use of tryptamines, phenethylamines, or even the subpar shit from the pharmacy will offer prophylaxis. How do the people for whom oxygen doesn't work just continue?
By always keeping it on the list of things to resolve our suffering but making sure everything comes first, we can responsibly assure ourself that we're at least trying to make fucking something work. We'll always be able to find something to try. If somehow we run out of things to try, we can do it
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
By always keeping it on the list of things to resolve our suffering but making sure everything comes first, we can responsibly assure ourself that we're at least trying to make fucking something work. We'll always be able to find something to try. If somehow we run out of things to try, we can do it
But the argument I use is still the one that works, at least for myself. I don't think it's wrong to want or even carry through with that, but I have an intellectual responsibility to try everything first. It will always be available, but the finality of it means it has to be your very last Plan Z.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
But the argument I use is still the one that works, at least for myself. I don't think it's wrong to want or even carry through with that, but I have an intellectual responsibility to try everything first. It will always be available, but the finality of it means it has to be your very last Plan Z.
What an embarrassing kind of act. Procrastinating even my suicide to some then-far-off deadline and repeatedly reminding everyone of that intention since I was 16, desired since as far back as 11 at least.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
What an embarrassing kind of act. Procrastinating even my suicide to some then-far-off deadline and repeatedly reminding everyone of that intention since I was 16, desired since as far back as 11 at least.
But it was. It was me being a bad person.
I'm still alive despite the fact I'm this haggard age, a third through my expected lifespan, likely half with how I treat my body.
There isn't any grand resolution for me to make. I'm just supposed to not do that to people anymore.
I'm still alive despite the fact I'm this haggard age, a third through my expected lifespan, likely half with how I treat my body.
There isn't any grand resolution for me to make. I'm just supposed to not do that to people anymore.
February 1, 2026 at 10:32 AM
But it was. It was me being a bad person.
I'm still alive despite the fact I'm this haggard age, a third through my expected lifespan, likely half with how I treat my body.
There isn't any grand resolution for me to make. I'm just supposed to not do that to people anymore.
I'm still alive despite the fact I'm this haggard age, a third through my expected lifespan, likely half with how I treat my body.
There isn't any grand resolution for me to make. I'm just supposed to not do that to people anymore.
so, it'd be NICE to do it away from the -Arr Machine Infernale, but the very first things I need to do are going to be the worst.
January 28, 2026 at 9:53 AM
so, it'd be NICE to do it away from the -Arr Machine Infernale, but the very first things I need to do are going to be the worst.
there was a dropped thread of consciousness here. The problem is I need to move the media servers into the correct VLAN corral, and then make sure that i have machines talking exactly how I want, which could very easily wreck things badly given I want to have Authelia on a different machine.
January 28, 2026 at 9:52 AM
there was a dropped thread of consciousness here. The problem is I need to move the media servers into the correct VLAN corral, and then make sure that i have machines talking exactly how I want, which could very easily wreck things badly given I want to have Authelia on a different machine.
It's very weird. I almost think of it like a pet.
January 28, 2026 at 9:20 AM
It's very weird. I almost think of it like a pet.
For some good two and a half years all it was was some scribbled txt and smtp shit for bluesky and proton, and almighty 308 going to www.spacejam.com/1996/.
January 28, 2026 at 9:12 AM
For some good two and a half years all it was was some scribbled txt and smtp shit for bluesky and proton, and almighty 308 going to www.spacejam.com/1996/.
This is the long culmination of a slightly overpriced domain I became oddly in love with, which I glued to this account and to my protonmail to serve the same role as a vanity license plate. It redirected to the old spacejam site and I did that in the domain management interface.
January 28, 2026 at 9:12 AM
This is the long culmination of a slightly overpriced domain I became oddly in love with, which I glued to this account and to my protonmail to serve the same role as a vanity license plate. It redirected to the old spacejam site and I did that in the domain management interface.
It's mostly just doing my uploading homework on PTP, which is pretty much about picking a lot of times for running Handbrake, a little MKVToolnix and MediaInfo, and I'll finally have BTN for TV. All so I can then not even watch any of it.
But *then*, then I'll have finally won.
But *then*, then I'll have finally won.
January 28, 2026 at 8:51 AM
It's mostly just doing my uploading homework on PTP, which is pretty much about picking a lot of times for running Handbrake, a little MKVToolnix and MediaInfo, and I'll finally have BTN for TV. All so I can then not even watch any of it.
But *then*, then I'll have finally won.
But *then*, then I'll have finally won.
I want to give some particular love to my bitmagnet container, who i love bullying. Its 34 gigabyte database slowly grows like a cancer and then is completely ignored 99% of the time because... Why'd you EVER use DHT search when you have private trackers like PTP and MAM?
January 28, 2026 at 8:51 AM
I want to give some particular love to my bitmagnet container, who i love bullying. Its 34 gigabyte database slowly grows like a cancer and then is completely ignored 99% of the time because... Why'd you EVER use DHT search when you have private trackers like PTP and MAM?
Because, yeah, I need a lot of time to do shit disastrously wrong and preferably not around the machine we're running several media servers containers on. Mostly the Plex, the qBit, maybe i'll find a reason to want to use my NZB indexer over my private tracker. Other than maybe speedtesting.
January 28, 2026 at 8:38 AM
Because, yeah, I need a lot of time to do shit disastrously wrong and preferably not around the machine we're running several media servers containers on. Mostly the Plex, the qBit, maybe i'll find a reason to want to use my NZB indexer over my private tracker. Other than maybe speedtesting.
But therein lies the whole... deal about it. I'm asking myself to calmly, by myself, amend the problem of my disemboweled body. Because it's impolite for another to see me crudely stuffing my intestines back into my cavity."
January 7, 2026 at 12:28 AM
But therein lies the whole... deal about it. I'm asking myself to calmly, by myself, amend the problem of my disemboweled body. Because it's impolite for another to see me crudely stuffing my intestines back into my cavity."
Another,
"It would do best to minimize the amount of help I need. But I still need help. It would be best to not horrify others with how badly I do need help.
"It would do best to minimize the amount of help I need. But I still need help. It would be best to not horrify others with how badly I do need help.
January 7, 2026 at 12:28 AM
Another,
"It would do best to minimize the amount of help I need. But I still need help. It would be best to not horrify others with how badly I do need help.
"It would do best to minimize the amount of help I need. But I still need help. It would be best to not horrify others with how badly I do need help.