but i feel like all the connections i have now are from at least a year ago, when i could dissociate enough from that feeling to at least feel like i was a part of that culture

but now i can't and i'm just feeling lonelier and lonelier as it gets harder to relate to those experiences

my body's a feakshow, and i don't want it

that dick is NOT supposed to be there

and if it wasn't only 3 months out from finally doing something about it… idk what i'd do

i don't want to do this anymore

why is this so hard?

behind me is a list of failed relationships, and at the core of all of them is me

the one who's never good enough
the one who's always fucking up
the one who never really understands what she's supposed to do in a relationship despite trying so hard

i'm kinda killing it at my new job tho, which rocks

oh. WELL THEN

i'm starting to come around to this, too

also because i often have a hard time communicating and understanding tone over text

(fr tho, your dose is so low, you'll be fine)

emmy status: locked the fuck in