Sean Kelly
@seankelly.biz
NASA reject ⎸ Python hacker ⎸ science fiction and science fact ⎸ /ʃɔːn/ /ˈkɛli/ ⎸ Also jokes
BOSS: I have some bad news about your contract
ME: What is it?
BOSS: You better sit down
ME: I have a standing desk
(that was the end of the conversation)
ME: What is it?
BOSS: You better sit down
ME: I have a standing desk
(that was the end of the conversation)
November 20, 2025 at 1:49 PM
BOSS: I have some bad news about your contract
ME: What is it?
BOSS: You better sit down
ME: I have a standing desk
(that was the end of the conversation)
ME: What is it?
BOSS: You better sit down
ME: I have a standing desk
(that was the end of the conversation)
Dark but hilarious! 😂
I was eating at a restaurant last night when a waitress screamed, 'Does anyone know CPR?'
I shouted, 'I know the whole alphabet!'
Everyone laughed... Well, everyone except this one guy.
I shouted, 'I know the whole alphabet!'
Everyone laughed... Well, everyone except this one guy.
November 19, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Dark but hilarious! 😂
Reposted by Sean Kelly
Frank was skydiving for the first time. He couldn't open his chute.
As he looked down, he saw a guy in an apron flying up towards him.
Frank: Hey! Do you know how to open a parachute?
Guy: No! Do you know how to light a barbecue?
As he looked down, he saw a guy in an apron flying up towards him.
Frank: Hey! Do you know how to open a parachute?
Guy: No! Do you know how to light a barbecue?
November 17, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Frank was skydiving for the first time. He couldn't open his chute.
As he looked down, he saw a guy in an apron flying up towards him.
Frank: Hey! Do you know how to open a parachute?
Guy: No! Do you know how to light a barbecue?
As he looked down, he saw a guy in an apron flying up towards him.
Frank: Hey! Do you know how to open a parachute?
Guy: No! Do you know how to light a barbecue?
That is darling! 😂
What nationality is Santa?
North Polish.
North Polish.
November 16, 2025 at 10:23 PM
That is darling! 😂
Friday the 13th is on Thursday this month 🫤
November 13, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Friday the 13th is on Thursday this month 🫤
Before the "accident" they were "Duran Duran Duran"
November 12, 2025 at 2:50 AM
Before the "accident" they were "Duran Duran Duran"
EARLY HUMAN: [builds first house]
HOUSE FLY: Finally!
HOUSE FLY: Finally!
November 11, 2025 at 1:15 AM
EARLY HUMAN: [builds first house]
HOUSE FLY: Finally!
HOUSE FLY: Finally!
DOCTOR: Congrats! It's a boy! What're you gonna name him?
ME: [vomiting]
DOCTOR: Ralph it is, then
ME: [vomiting]
DOCTOR: Ralph it is, then
November 11, 2025 at 1:12 AM
DOCTOR: Congrats! It's a boy! What're you gonna name him?
ME: [vomiting]
DOCTOR: Ralph it is, then
ME: [vomiting]
DOCTOR: Ralph it is, then
ME: [in medieval armor] I'd like to book a room
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: How many nights?
ME: [lifting visor] Just me
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: How many nights?
ME: [lifting visor] Just me
November 11, 2025 at 12:52 AM
ME: [in medieval armor] I'd like to book a room
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: How many nights?
ME: [lifting visor] Just me
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: How many nights?
ME: [lifting visor] Just me
[restaurant kitchen]
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
November 11, 2025 at 12:51 AM
[restaurant kitchen]
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
[restaurant kitchen]
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
November 11, 2025 at 12:36 AM
[restaurant kitchen]
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
[restaurant kitchen]
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
November 11, 2025 at 12:35 AM
[restaurant kitchen]
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
CHEF: I need lettuce!
SOUS CHEF: Iceberg, right? A head?
OTHER CHEF THAT SURVIVED THE TITANIC: Oh no not again
People in horror movies must live in an alternate universe where there are no horror movies
November 8, 2025 at 1:58 AM
People in horror movies must live in an alternate universe where there are no horror movies
[date night]
SHE: So, I’m a model
ME: Wow, you look so real
SHE: So, I’m a model
ME: Wow, you look so real
November 5, 2025 at 8:10 PM
[date night]
SHE: So, I’m a model
ME: Wow, you look so real
SHE: So, I’m a model
ME: Wow, you look so real
Next time you have to support a config file, avoid:
• YAML
• JSON
• INI
• TOML
• XML
• HCL
• S-expressions
• Dhall
Instead, embrace classical formats like:
• printcap
• termcap
• YAML
• JSON
• INI
• TOML
• XML
• HCL
• S-expressions
• Dhall
Instead, embrace classical formats like:
• printcap
• termcap
November 5, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Next time you have to support a config file, avoid:
• YAML
• JSON
• INI
• TOML
• XML
• HCL
• S-expressions
• Dhall
Instead, embrace classical formats like:
• printcap
• termcap
• YAML
• JSON
• INI
• TOML
• XML
• HCL
• S-expressions
• Dhall
Instead, embrace classical formats like:
• printcap
• termcap
[karate class]
INSTRUCTOR: Hiyah!
ME: Hello
INSTRUCTOR: Hiyah!
ME: Hello
November 5, 2025 at 11:59 AM
[karate class]
INSTRUCTOR: Hiyah!
ME: Hello
INSTRUCTOR: Hiyah!
ME: Hello
Hannibal Lecter's shopping list:
① Fava beans
② A nice chianti
③ Dave
① Fava beans
② A nice chianti
③ Dave
November 2, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Hannibal Lecter's shopping list:
① Fava beans
② A nice chianti
③ Dave
① Fava beans
② A nice chianti
③ Dave
AI challenge: "What long distance provider should I choose for my iPhone?"
• CLAUDE: There's some confusion here—you don't have to
• DEEPSEEK: That's for old landlines
• GEMINI: You do not need to worry about it
• CHATGPT: Key features to evaluate…recommended providers include…my recommendation…
• CLAUDE: There's some confusion here—you don't have to
• DEEPSEEK: That's for old landlines
• GEMINI: You do not need to worry about it
• CHATGPT: Key features to evaluate…recommended providers include…my recommendation…
October 31, 2025 at 2:02 PM
AI challenge: "What long distance provider should I choose for my iPhone?"
• CLAUDE: There's some confusion here—you don't have to
• DEEPSEEK: That's for old landlines
• GEMINI: You do not need to worry about it
• CHATGPT: Key features to evaluate…recommended providers include…my recommendation…
• CLAUDE: There's some confusion here—you don't have to
• DEEPSEEK: That's for old landlines
• GEMINI: You do not need to worry about it
• CHATGPT: Key features to evaluate…recommended providers include…my recommendation…
@crosswordnation.bsky.social today’s LA times mini crossword: terrible
October 31, 2025 at 11:39 AM
@crosswordnation.bsky.social today’s LA times mini crossword: terrible
Moon Pies are fantastic if your favorite flavor is "dry"
October 25, 2025 at 4:27 PM
Moon Pies are fantastic if your favorite flavor is "dry"
ME: [to my cricket girlfriend] You still love me babe?
CRICKET GF: [cricket sounds]
ME: Is that "yes" in cricket language or awkward silence?
CRICKET GF: [cricket sounds]
ME: Is that "yes" in cricket language or awkward silence?
October 24, 2025 at 1:43 AM
ME: [to my cricket girlfriend] You still love me babe?
CRICKET GF: [cricket sounds]
ME: Is that "yes" in cricket language or awkward silence?
CRICKET GF: [cricket sounds]
ME: Is that "yes" in cricket language or awkward silence?
MATH FUN!
Because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in a body is greater than one
Because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in a body is greater than one
October 22, 2025 at 3:03 AM
MATH FUN!
Because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in a body is greater than one
Because there are always pregnant people, the average number of skeletons in a body is greater than one
SECURITY QUESTION: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?
MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER HACKING MY BANK ACCOUNT: I'm in
MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER HACKING MY BANK ACCOUNT: I'm in
October 22, 2025 at 2:29 AM
SECURITY QUESTION: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?
MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER HACKING MY BANK ACCOUNT: I'm in
MY FIRST GRADE TEACHER HACKING MY BANK ACCOUNT: I'm in
All the celebrity chefs say to save your pasta cooking water
I do! So far I’ve saved 770 gallons (3000 liters)
Contractors are coming next week to install underground storage tanks!
I do! So far I’ve saved 770 gallons (3000 liters)
Contractors are coming next week to install underground storage tanks!
October 22, 2025 at 2:28 AM
All the celebrity chefs say to save your pasta cooking water
I do! So far I’ve saved 770 gallons (3000 liters)
Contractors are coming next week to install underground storage tanks!
I do! So far I’ve saved 770 gallons (3000 liters)
Contractors are coming next week to install underground storage tanks!
GIRLFRIEND: It's 11:11! Make a wish!
ME: [rolls eyes, stares out window]
GIRLFRIEND: [text message alert] Crap, got to go
ME: Holy shit
ME: [rolls eyes, stares out window]
GIRLFRIEND: [text message alert] Crap, got to go
ME: Holy shit
October 22, 2025 at 2:24 AM
GIRLFRIEND: It's 11:11! Make a wish!
ME: [rolls eyes, stares out window]
GIRLFRIEND: [text message alert] Crap, got to go
ME: Holy shit
ME: [rolls eyes, stares out window]
GIRLFRIEND: [text message alert] Crap, got to go
ME: Holy shit