A story in 3 parts.

I did it! I finally left him. I packed a suitcase and told that horrible, sadistic son of a bitch it's over. We can finally be together, Bluesky!

Wait, where's Stephen? He's on fucking Threads?!

So, we're at a keyparty, and Matt Gaetz says he lost his cock ring. I tell him, "Don't worry, I think I have some gopher intestines in my toiletry bag."