Sam Allen
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samallenn.bsky.social
Sam Allen
@samallenn.bsky.social
6K followers 8.2K following 110 posts
human (mostly)
comedian (barely)
Posts Replies Media Videos
samallenn.bsky.social
Completely reverses decades of scientific “eat shit and die” insults
September 19, 2025 at 12:40 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
Not to be outdone, man, 36, has foot implanted in ass to teach lesson
Headline from NBC News Boston sating that a man, 34 had tooth implanted in eye to restore his vision
September 17, 2025 at 7:50 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
“omg this is great news!!!” - someone from five years ago
A headline that reads, “over the counter nasal spray reduces the risk of COVID-19 infection by 70” and an image of a side profile face with a hand and a nasal spray apparatus at the persons nostril
September 3, 2025 at 8:29 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
say what you want about his politics, but his work-life balance is unmatched
April 11, 2025 at 5:35 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
this candle lights your apartment on fire every morning at 4am to get you out of bed
A picture of a candle called “Go Getter” with a description saying, “Featuring Bubbly Notes of Champagne And Success”
April 8, 2025 at 5:03 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
i hope they’re about to do a bunch of crying
Picture of an airline passenger sitting next to the poster with a box of bath tissue in their lap
March 29, 2025 at 4:31 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
The unreleased lyrics from “Don’t go Chasing Waterfalls”
A picture of a computer monitor at a desk at a rental car agency. The monitor displays a car going through rocky water and a message reads, “Don’t drive through rivers or beaches.”
February 26, 2025 at 3:35 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
Cybertruck no license plate. i’ve seen this movie before
a cyber truck with no rear license plate
January 17, 2025 at 12:54 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
Christ may have risen, but this dough certainly has not.
A picture of shitty looking dough that hasn’t risen. The dough is in a bowl that’s sitting in a larger bowl of warm water as a last ditch effort to make the dough rise and save Christmas.
December 20, 2024 at 9:53 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
Get someone who looks at you the way this trombonists holds his instrument
painting from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston showing someone blowing into a trombone and holding the mouthpiece the way you would signal performing oral intercourse
December 4, 2024 at 11:58 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
This bag of “Lemons and Limes” has one lime in it. More like “Lemons and Lies”
December 3, 2024 at 10:47 PM
samallenn.bsky.social
“Well done, Pond”

- Thoreau after writing Walden
December 3, 2024 at 5:24 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
“yeah so could you paint me like these guys?”
oil painting of man pointing at two ripped nude wrestling figures, inside a golden frame, at the isabella stewart gardner museum
December 3, 2024 at 1:11 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
December 2, 2024 at 5:27 AM
samallenn.bsky.social
More snow at this NFL game than inside Hunter Biden’s laptop case.
December 2, 2024 at 1:45 AM