Ramit Sethi's book "I will teach you to be rich" is sometimes a little cringy in its anecdotes, but is laser-focus understandable on things like index funds.

One of my neighbors works for Xbox. She has a phd in psychology

i actually came back from defcon one year and tested positive for SWINE FLU H1N1

"con-flu" , or in the specific case of defcon, "hacking cough"