before he can post his masterfully crafted criticism of the website, a small piece of his steamed bun goes down the wrong pipe. and that is that for peerless cucumber, literature critic extraordinaire.

*

when he wakes up, there is an impossibly bright starry night above him.

horrifyingly, his child with the scum villain is very cute. a little mutinous pout, a tiny frown, small chubby cheeks that begged to be poked, and tiny red tips on his ears.
what kind of sick mind did this fujo website maker have?? and why did airplane share it!!!
fuming, he switches to weibo.

he keeps scrolling. probably out of morbid curiosity.
mobei jun? skip.
yue qingyuan? hmm...
that looks like his meimei!!!! abort, abort!!!
liu qingge?? hah, from what source? who said he was so pretty? where did that little mole under his eye come from?? taking liberties with pidw!!
shen qingqiu...

why was luo binghe in this list? what straight man would want to have a child with luo binghe?
maybe it was for the female readers.
he clicks in.
...he switches shirts and redoes the photo.
huh. this one seems more real. curly hair and fuller cheeks...
so this website is definitely made by fujos!!

he scrolls through the options instead. the creator of this website is surprisingly dedicated, despite the absolute shit job it was. what if picking wife #493 gave him cat ears??? that wasn't their child!!
something snagged his attention.
luo binghe.

obviously, he picks liu mingyan first. canonically the prettiest!!
he feels stupid taking the selfie in his old tshirt, which is immediately replaced by rage on seeing the "child" being just his photo with a veil over the lower half.
ning yingying is... him with girlish hair loops.
...he gives up.