scary!1979 + Arquius
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rockstarbonnie.bsky.social
scary!1979 + Arquius
@rockstarbonnie.bsky.social
“What a fine day to come here and say
that your face and flesh I must play!”
^ Corny and edgy
It doesn't matter how "used to it" I am. It is just as bad as it was when I was a child, just have a better toolkit to hide it physically
December 16, 2024 at 8:57 AM
I believe it. 5 long years. A forewarning, that nothing I openly say to almost anyone is worthy of being anything "vulnerable" to me. It is gibberish and means nothing to me, despite it being my life. The true terror that I encompass is something nobody will ever face, lucky for you all
November 24, 2024 at 9:56 AM
An inviting presence is terrifying. Are you sure you want me to talk? Are you positive? Absolute with your decision to be acquaintances with me, and possibly more? I pointed out the hypocrisy of my surface level obsession with myself, and the shame I hold. I was told it was a result of loneliness
November 24, 2024 at 9:56 AM
Sorry for the vagueness... This post is about BLANK.
November 24, 2024 at 7:49 AM
I am so, so tired. I am so tired. I don't think anyone in history has had thanatophobia this badly. It leads to suicidal tendencies, which is completely backwards considering what the fear even is. It is just too strong. It is exhausting to be primally afraid of something so unavoidable
November 23, 2024 at 8:50 AM
I am "doomed" in many ways. This is something I will have to live with until I BEGRUDGINGLY am no longer living. I will never have a day where my enjoyment of existing doesn't lead to fear. I am unstable despite my excellent composure
November 23, 2024 at 8:50 AM
I *sometimes* yearn for an embrace, but I backpedal from that very quickly when I remember that I legitimately cannot feel warmth and see another body living without PANICKING. I can't see someone smile and laugh that is dear to me without getting that awful lump in my throat
November 23, 2024 at 8:50 AM
I hate silence. I hate being in a stasis. I am electricity and I must surge through the world at all times, never ending energy. Rest is for the dead
November 23, 2024 at 8:36 AM
My muscles keep tensing and shaking so bad as a response
I get this way with PTSD too
But it is just
Thanatophobia
Terrified of the world as a consequence
November 23, 2024 at 8:36 AM
In any case, I am mourning the fact I will never be a woman let alone a beautiful one. Guhh.
November 22, 2024 at 7:15 AM
Of course I also feel this way about men, too. I can often times be envious of beautiful men. Beauty in my definition is a little skewed, however. I do not mean "conventional attractiveness" when I say the word "beautiful"
November 22, 2024 at 7:15 AM
Right now I wish I was a beautiful woman, though. That is not going to happen. My body is too ambiguous and not elegant in the slightest. I look a little childish, but not feminine at all. I am envious of beautiful women
November 22, 2024 at 7:15 AM
I feel dysphoria in two ways: I am not a beautiful woman, and I am not a beautiful man. I personally deal with both, though the others deal with their own (Ex. Roxanne wishes to be a beautiful woman, Bradley wishes to be a grotesque man, etc)
November 22, 2024 at 7:15 AM
Anyways. Feeling a bit dysphoric in a twisted way. Maybe I am best defined as being genderfluid despite the fact I do not hold a gender nor any idea of one...
November 22, 2024 at 7:15 AM
They should not
Even if their blood clots
Leek from their bodies
As they begin to rot
November 21, 2024 at 11:17 PM