Thought I'd let ya know that while I was out today, I had a lady tell me that she "sees a lot of tattoos" but the blackout one you did on my forearm is "one of the most beautiful she's ever seen" 💕

I'm very anxious to see what comes of the judge's order for them to return one of the Venezuelan deportees by 11:59 tonight. I hope they return him but my god if they don't, they'd better be held in contempt and go straight to fucking jail

I've been saying this as well. Feels weird to root for that little cabal of rich supervillains but the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

My cat just sneezed on my neck so I'd jump off the couch in disgust and she could curl up for a nap in the warmth of my butt print. Again.

Hope you don't mind, I added a little finishing touch, in the name of optimism.

Oh, thank you for that much-needed guffaw.

Update: This backfired terribly. While my parents did enjoy A Muppet Christmas Carol, all four of their eyes stayed bone dry, as I soaked the neckline of my shirt with tears for Tiny Tim. Mom has already reported this to my sister. A night that will live in infamy.

I'm sorry, I think I've followed the wrong person. I was excited my dork-ass friend was coming to Toronto, not a "tough looking metal dad". Unless this is a Clark Kent/Superman situation and I've just never seen you without your glasses?

THIS is how I learn you're planning another Toronto visit?
I should not have had to read your Tumblr post and the comments referring to you as such upsetting things as "DILF of the year" to obtain this information.