(Based on a true story.)

Huh? What's "Updog"?

Solid five. But if we're taking turns, here's number four:
When you eat something with pure capsaicin in it, like the Death Nut challenge, you suffer the mouth burn and you endure the hours of overnight stomach cramps, but nothing can truly prepare you for the firehose when you pee the next morning.

Aw, thanks, that's so weird and nice but mostly weird

Yes, from the Hubble Space Telescope ™️ mirror you could be 10 to 15 billion light years behind me and still be visible enough to *appear* "close"
#Youre_BurgerKing_Im_McDonalds
#Youre_Atari_Im_Coleco
#Son_Take_A_Seat_The_Adults_Are_Talking
#You_Dont_Want_This_Smoke

You're Pepsi
I'm Coke
You're Chicago
I'm New York
You're Sammy Hagar
I'm David Lee Roth
This Tuesday I will be officially announcing my 2028 candidacy for president of the United States as well. Good luck, and I'll see you in my rear view mirror. With a telescope.
#MARFA
#ByeFelicia

Autopsies determined their causes of death to be:
1. Heartworm
2. Missing since third month after divorce settlement, presumed dead
3. Obesity/Diabetes
4. Cancer (never funny and always sad, even for a cartoon character)
5. Accidental fall down staircase, traumatic head injury (funny)