Robert Frycklund
@robertfrycklund.bsky.social
I once woke up on a boat, but that wasn't where I fell asleep.
"Grape-Nuts With Raisins" should be called "Grape-Nuts, But We Really Mean It This Time"
January 11, 2026 at 2:13 PM
"Grape-Nuts With Raisins" should be called "Grape-Nuts, But We Really Mean It This Time"
My favorite flavor is grape, so I poured grapefruit juice over Grape-Nuts cereal and it was delicious 10/10
January 11, 2026 at 2:06 PM
My favorite flavor is grape, so I poured grapefruit juice over Grape-Nuts cereal and it was delicious 10/10
What do you mean dial it down
That my friend is on you
You don't want me to entertain this party you shouldn'ta oughta invited me to your party
It's just that sometimes at night I turn into David Lee Roth
You know that
You always knew that
So once again
And I say this in all sincerity
That
Is
On
You
That my friend is on you
You don't want me to entertain this party you shouldn'ta oughta invited me to your party
It's just that sometimes at night I turn into David Lee Roth
You know that
You always knew that
So once again
And I say this in all sincerity
That
Is
On
You
January 4, 2026 at 5:26 AM
What do you mean dial it down
That my friend is on you
You don't want me to entertain this party you shouldn'ta oughta invited me to your party
It's just that sometimes at night I turn into David Lee Roth
You know that
You always knew that
So once again
And I say this in all sincerity
That
Is
On
You
That my friend is on you
You don't want me to entertain this party you shouldn'ta oughta invited me to your party
It's just that sometimes at night I turn into David Lee Roth
You know that
You always knew that
So once again
And I say this in all sincerity
That
Is
On
You
Oh sign. Sweet Virginia Route 81 rest area sign. So trusting. So naive. Bathe in sunny youthful innocence while it lasts. Truly believe in your heart that people are good. Hold on to that notion as tightly as you can, for so long as you can. For soon, you will know only darkness, and grief.
January 3, 2026 at 4:33 AM
Oh sign. Sweet Virginia Route 81 rest area sign. So trusting. So naive. Bathe in sunny youthful innocence while it lasts. Truly believe in your heart that people are good. Hold on to that notion as tightly as you can, for so long as you can. For soon, you will know only darkness, and grief.
Go ahead and laugh.
When I was little, my Mom made me baloney sandwiches with Miracle Whip.
Bless her soul.
So yeah... I guess I do like Miracle Whip a little bit more than mayonnaise, OK?
Go ahead.
Laugh.
Go ahead.
Judge me.
(Picture fades. Miracle Whip logo appears and slowly dissolves.)
When I was little, my Mom made me baloney sandwiches with Miracle Whip.
Bless her soul.
So yeah... I guess I do like Miracle Whip a little bit more than mayonnaise, OK?
Go ahead.
Laugh.
Go ahead.
Judge me.
(Picture fades. Miracle Whip logo appears and slowly dissolves.)
January 3, 2026 at 1:31 AM
Go ahead and laugh.
When I was little, my Mom made me baloney sandwiches with Miracle Whip.
Bless her soul.
So yeah... I guess I do like Miracle Whip a little bit more than mayonnaise, OK?
Go ahead.
Laugh.
Go ahead.
Judge me.
(Picture fades. Miracle Whip logo appears and slowly dissolves.)
When I was little, my Mom made me baloney sandwiches with Miracle Whip.
Bless her soul.
So yeah... I guess I do like Miracle Whip a little bit more than mayonnaise, OK?
Go ahead.
Laugh.
Go ahead.
Judge me.
(Picture fades. Miracle Whip logo appears and slowly dissolves.)
🧔♂️What would you wish for if you could have one magical wish?
👱♀️A purple onion
🧔♂️But you could wish for anything
👱♀️Nope, I'm making a pizza. I have mushrooms, but I forgot a purple onion
🧔♂️You could wish for unlimited wishes
👱♀️Wow. Hmm. Nah... just a purple onion
👱♀️A purple onion
🧔♂️But you could wish for anything
👱♀️Nope, I'm making a pizza. I have mushrooms, but I forgot a purple onion
🧔♂️You could wish for unlimited wishes
👱♀️Wow. Hmm. Nah... just a purple onion
December 21, 2025 at 12:06 AM
🧔♂️What would you wish for if you could have one magical wish?
👱♀️A purple onion
🧔♂️But you could wish for anything
👱♀️Nope, I'm making a pizza. I have mushrooms, but I forgot a purple onion
🧔♂️You could wish for unlimited wishes
👱♀️Wow. Hmm. Nah... just a purple onion
👱♀️A purple onion
🧔♂️But you could wish for anything
👱♀️Nope, I'm making a pizza. I have mushrooms, but I forgot a purple onion
🧔♂️You could wish for unlimited wishes
👱♀️Wow. Hmm. Nah... just a purple onion
It's wild when you think about it: there are probably dozens, maybe hundreds of people in the world who are dressed up as Elvis for money at this very moment, but I would be surprised if there is even one person making a living as a Garth Brooks in the life of Chris Gaines impersonator right now
December 3, 2025 at 2:08 AM
It's wild when you think about it: there are probably dozens, maybe hundreds of people in the world who are dressed up as Elvis for money at this very moment, but I would be surprised if there is even one person making a living as a Garth Brooks in the life of Chris Gaines impersonator right now
TIL a that a friend's four-minute video of her adorable pet sloth is pretty much the same thing as staring at a still photograph of a sloth for four minutes
November 29, 2025 at 4:26 AM
TIL a that a friend's four-minute video of her adorable pet sloth is pretty much the same thing as staring at a still photograph of a sloth for four minutes
Netlix categories for my real life, by decade:
1970s Family comedy
1980s Teen comedy
1990s College drama; mild nudity
2000s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/ office-based sitcom
2010s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/office based sitcom (spinoff w/ younger cast)
2020s Horror; comedy
1970s Family comedy
1980s Teen comedy
1990s College drama; mild nudity
2000s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/ office-based sitcom
2010s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/office based sitcom (spinoff w/ younger cast)
2020s Horror; comedy
November 25, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Netlix categories for my real life, by decade:
1970s Family comedy
1980s Teen comedy
1990s College drama; mild nudity
2000s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/ office-based sitcom
2010s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/office based sitcom (spinoff w/ younger cast)
2020s Horror; comedy
1970s Family comedy
1980s Teen comedy
1990s College drama; mild nudity
2000s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/ office-based sitcom
2010s Heartwarming coming-of-age drama; family/office based sitcom (spinoff w/ younger cast)
2020s Horror; comedy
I prefer earphones because unlike headphones, they tell you exactly where on your head you're supposed to wear them
November 22, 2025 at 7:35 PM
I prefer earphones because unlike headphones, they tell you exactly where on your head you're supposed to wear them
Statistical snapshot of the probable order of death for each of the individual members of the Scooby-Doo Gang, if they were not fictional cartoon characters and therefore immortal:
1. Scooby-Doo* (first to die)
2. Daphne
3. Fred
4. Velma
5. Shaggy (last to die)
*At age 14 because come on he's a dog
1. Scooby-Doo* (first to die)
2. Daphne
3. Fred
4. Velma
5. Shaggy (last to die)
*At age 14 because come on he's a dog
November 13, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Statistical snapshot of the probable order of death for each of the individual members of the Scooby-Doo Gang, if they were not fictional cartoon characters and therefore immortal:
1. Scooby-Doo* (first to die)
2. Daphne
3. Fred
4. Velma
5. Shaggy (last to die)
*At age 14 because come on he's a dog
1. Scooby-Doo* (first to die)
2. Daphne
3. Fred
4. Velma
5. Shaggy (last to die)
*At age 14 because come on he's a dog
Statistical snapshot of the probable order of death for each of the individual members of a rock band in 1974:
1. Drums (first to die)
2. Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
3. Lead Guitar
4. Bass/Backgound Vocals
5. Keyboards/Background Vocals (last to die)
1. Drums (first to die)
2. Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
3. Lead Guitar
4. Bass/Backgound Vocals
5. Keyboards/Background Vocals (last to die)
November 13, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Statistical snapshot of the probable order of death for each of the individual members of a rock band in 1974:
1. Drums (first to die)
2. Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
3. Lead Guitar
4. Bass/Backgound Vocals
5. Keyboards/Background Vocals (last to die)
1. Drums (first to die)
2. Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
3. Lead Guitar
4. Bass/Backgound Vocals
5. Keyboards/Background Vocals (last to die)
Hey whoever's up there controlling the big record player in the sky ok buddy you had your fun but you gotta dial this LP back down to 33RPM
November 13, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Hey whoever's up there controlling the big record player in the sky ok buddy you had your fun but you gotta dial this LP back down to 33RPM
Connecticut isn't so much a state as it is a traffic jam in the shape of a state
November 8, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Connecticut isn't so much a state as it is a traffic jam in the shape of a state
It's so cute how my cat curls up on my lap and purrs when she's pretending like she's not planning to murder me
November 7, 2025 at 4:10 AM
It's so cute how my cat curls up on my lap and purrs when she's pretending like she's not planning to murder me
In terms of strength, I think a hammer is probably the most powerful tool in the box. But I think we can all agree the most politically powerful tool is the ruler
November 7, 2025 at 4:01 AM
In terms of strength, I think a hammer is probably the most powerful tool in the box. But I think we can all agree the most politically powerful tool is the ruler
Oh, wait, I get it now. "Subway" is a play on words, because they sell submarine sandwiches. It's a metaphor inside a metaphor. Cool. I'm going to create a seafood restaurant chain called "Pizza Crust" that only sells crustaceans. Our mascot will be a crab named Pete. Pete's a "crust".
November 7, 2025 at 3:44 AM
Oh, wait, I get it now. "Subway" is a play on words, because they sell submarine sandwiches. It's a metaphor inside a metaphor. Cool. I'm going to create a seafood restaurant chain called "Pizza Crust" that only sells crustaceans. Our mascot will be a crab named Pete. Pete's a "crust".
One time I spent $600 on Kickstarter to back a beach cooler with a built-in blender and Bluetooth speaker and long story short it all turned out to be a big scam and that's why I'm not allowed to use money anymore
November 6, 2025 at 1:18 PM
One time I spent $600 on Kickstarter to back a beach cooler with a built-in blender and Bluetooth speaker and long story short it all turned out to be a big scam and that's why I'm not allowed to use money anymore
Hey Hollywood studio execs, hurry up, if you don't film all the rest of your Hunger Games movies in the next five or six years I don't think audiences are going to believe Jennifer Lawrence as a 19-year-old girl anymore
November 2, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Hey Hollywood studio execs, hurry up, if you don't film all the rest of your Hunger Games movies in the next five or six years I don't think audiences are going to believe Jennifer Lawrence as a 19-year-old girl anymore
Hot take
I stole a lit candle
I stole a lit candle
November 1, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Hot take
I stole a lit candle
I stole a lit candle
Whether it's a high school soccer game or a memorial service or whatever, anytime you pass me the mic and I'm in front of audience of more than like a hundred people, I will say, "Siri OK Google Hey Alexa open Spotify play Firework by Katy Perry", and I will enjoy my own little reverse rock concert
October 30, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Whether it's a high school soccer game or a memorial service or whatever, anytime you pass me the mic and I'm in front of audience of more than like a hundred people, I will say, "Siri OK Google Hey Alexa open Spotify play Firework by Katy Perry", and I will enjoy my own little reverse rock concert
It always makes me laugh when I say "Hey Alexa" to my Amazon Echo and Billy Joel's daughter turns around because she thought I was talking to her
October 30, 2025 at 11:16 PM
It always makes me laugh when I say "Hey Alexa" to my Amazon Echo and Billy Joel's daughter turns around because she thought I was talking to her
Billie Bob Thornton's career after Sling Blade is like if Guns 'N Roses made Appetite for Destruction and then for no good reason they decided to become a Whitesnake cover band
October 29, 2025 at 1:09 AM
Billie Bob Thornton's career after Sling Blade is like if Guns 'N Roses made Appetite for Destruction and then for no good reason they decided to become a Whitesnake cover band
A plantain walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks for ID. The plantain hands him a fake license that says he's a banana. The bartender says it doesn't matter either way because they don't serve drinks to bananas. The plantain says yes they do, re-read the last few jokes, it's canon.
October 27, 2025 at 5:42 AM
A plantain walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks for ID. The plantain hands him a fake license that says he's a banana. The bartender says it doesn't matter either way because they don't serve drinks to bananas. The plantain says yes they do, re-read the last few jokes, it's canon.
Chocolate syrup walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, I think you were supposed to be here for the previous joke." The chocolate syrup says, "Nah, I read the script. It wasn't funny."
October 27, 2025 at 3:22 AM
Chocolate syrup walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, I think you were supposed to be here for the previous joke." The chocolate syrup says, "Nah, I read the script. It wasn't funny."