living with my favorite author has immense upsides (getting the first chapter of a book i’m really excited about as a reward for doing schoolwork) and catastrophic downsides (the rest of the chapters don’t exist)

chris pine could show up in any location and i wouldn’t know. because i wouldn’t recognize him. this terrifies me every single day

peter pan refusing to leave neverland except it’s me avoiding making a spreadsheet of the internships i’ve applied for

women love me for my capacity to follow instructions and catatonic freeze response to negative stimuli

the english muffin boldly explores what it would be like if a bagel was gentile and also had depression