This? This right here?! Pretty much all exceptional stuff. It’s “The Player” for 2025 (with wonderful and appropriate homages) But with less murder of people and more murder of dignity. My favourite show of the year so far, easily.

The 3 seconds that follow this.

The real question is, why WOULDN’T you tie the knot in a country that so beautifully blurs the lines between a poo and a fart?

Being alerted to WWE Wrestler Cody Rhodes doing THIS to John Cena whilst wearing a fucking Blue Peter badge is genuinely nothing short of SPECTACULAR.

I could tell Singapore was living light years ahead of us, but having Severance here took me by surprise.

I’ll be honest. For me it’s gotta be DMX “Keep your shit the hardest.” Mostly because:...pardon?

First Trump gets reelected and now a nutrigrain bar with no jam?!? What’s the fucking point in life anymore?

Whenever I see Jeff Bezos mentioned.

I was gonna say “Following a Nazi salute with “amen” is peak ‘The Onion’”

But not even those geniuses could think of anything this fucking farcical.

Ok here’s a test: who can tell me why this fella shows signs of being a prick? (Please include your age in the response. If that’s not deemed rude to ask.)

Nothing better than seeing the original “thing” that inspired some of your favourite things:

Obvious example: “This is Spinal Tap” - “The Office”

Or, as I realised recently: “They Live” inspiring…Duke Nukem 3D?!

The ironic thing about this press release from Jhon Durán is that he’d have been infinitely more credible if he’d said “I would like generational wealth for my family”. Coming out with this bullshit just makes me think he’s incredibly thick for thinking anyone in their right mind would believe this.

Tell me you’re in the north without telling me you’re in the north.

…Although I get that, by telling you what tram stop I’m at, you know my precise location, therefore LITERALLY telling you I am, in fact, in t’north.

Just been told by a mate that “Match of the Day” is a play on ‘catch of the day’?!? (I need confirmation of this please BBC Sport)

Anyway, making my debut this Saturday on….

(Drumroll🥁🥁🥁🥁)

Football Focus.

Goalkeepers union and all that.

Humanity: 1
AI: 0

And don’t get all pally with me cyberpunk!

I find it incredible dedication that no matter where I go, no matter how insignificant a “celebrity” I apparently am, no matter what social media platform I use, there’s always one particular follower there to remind me of what I’m willing to do for money by having this as their cover photo. Always.

Couldn’t leave you on a cliffhanger could I?

What better way to introduce myself than with this absolute nonsense. Live nonsense. Live kids telly nonsense.