I think she’s finally realised what I knew all along: there is no fixing me. I have let myself and my family down again. I have already hurt myself as punishment.

We cannot help each other if we don't understand each other.
We cannot understand each other unless we talk to each other.
Even then, the process of talking is fraught with issues.

Journal is here: www.deviantart.com/restrainedra...

Come on, Sigma. Grow some fucking balls and end this before things have a chance to get even worse. Finish the plan you put in place years ago. Stop waiting in the name of hope.

Too late. Everyone's already abandoned me.

Every time I feel I have a moment to recover, another bad thing happens. I have to break the cycle. Soon. The best I can hope for is getting the courage to do that.