Mike Mercury
@realmikemercury.bsky.social
Guy who thinks too much.
We went to an event last week where we sat down on chairs under a tent to listen to a few people talk and behind me was a lady who open-mouth sneezed so violently in my direction that I had to fix my hair afterwards and of course, 3 days later I came down with a…
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Why America needs a mom
We went to an event last week where we sat down on chairs under a tent to listen to a few people talk and behind me was a lady who open-mouth sneezed so violently in my direction that I had to fix my ...
open.substack.com
October 18, 2025 at 2:27 AM
We went to an event last week where we sat down on chairs under a tent to listen to a few people talk and behind me was a lady who open-mouth sneezed so violently in my direction that I had to fix my hair afterwards and of course, 3 days later I came down with a…
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
I got an email from the “Testosterone Support Center” and even though I assumed it was spam, I was still offended and wondered how my name ended up on that list.
Read the rest of the column in my latest Substack.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Read the rest of the column in my latest Substack.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Diary of a Wimpy Guy
I got an email from the “Testosterone Support Center” and even though I assumed it was spam, I was still offended and wondered how my name ended up on that list.
open.substack.com
October 2, 2025 at 12:07 AM
I got an email from the “Testosterone Support Center” and even though I assumed it was spam, I was still offended and wondered how my name ended up on that list.
Read the rest of the column in my latest Substack.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Read the rest of the column in my latest Substack.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Bobby the Brain Worm and Dr. Oz try not to puke in their mouths as Dr. Trump urges pregnant women not to take Epsteinaminophen. Read the rest in my latest Substack column.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Doctor, doctor, give me the news...
I was awakened around six o’clock this morning, not by the construction vehicles that have been in the neighborhood since April, run by crews who appear to start their workday at approximately bar tim...
open.substack.com
September 25, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Bobby the Brain Worm and Dr. Oz try not to puke in their mouths as Dr. Trump urges pregnant women not to take Epsteinaminophen. Read the rest in my latest Substack column.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
If you know how to read, please sign up for my weekly column. I would appreciate it tremendously and I promise that you'll think it's the greatest column ever. Or, you might hate it. I'm not really sure cuz I don't know you that well.
#ThinkingOutLoud
@theemikemercury
#humorcolumn (sometimes)
#ThinkingOutLoud
@theemikemercury
#humorcolumn (sometimes)
September 22, 2025 at 4:08 PM
If you know how to read, please sign up for my weekly column. I would appreciate it tremendously and I promise that you'll think it's the greatest column ever. Or, you might hate it. I'm not really sure cuz I don't know you that well.
#ThinkingOutLoud
@theemikemercury
#humorcolumn (sometimes)
#ThinkingOutLoud
@theemikemercury
#humorcolumn (sometimes)
The Bezos/Sanchez wedding was $50 million. Mine was about $3,000. Read the rest of the column here:
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Zen & The Art of Lawn Mowing
Plus, the wedding of the century!
open.substack.com
July 3, 2025 at 6:13 PM
The Bezos/Sanchez wedding was $50 million. Mine was about $3,000. Read the rest of the column here:
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
As you know by now, unless you’ve been hiding in a cave, the U.S. dropped a bunch of bombs on Iran. And if you haven’t been hiding in a cave, now might be a great time to find yourself a cozy little nook under an out-of-the-way rock.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Bombs away!
A bunker-buster edition of Thinking Out Loud
open.substack.com
June 23, 2025 at 7:49 PM
As you know by now, unless you’ve been hiding in a cave, the U.S. dropped a bunch of bombs on Iran. And if you haven’t been hiding in a cave, now might be a great time to find yourself a cozy little nook under an out-of-the-way rock.
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Summer starts soon. Probably.
(Happy?) Memorial Day Weekend!
open.substack.com
May 22, 2025 at 5:24 PM
To the Class of '25: Save your forks!
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
To the class of '25:
Save your forks!
open.substack.com
May 15, 2025 at 5:08 PM
To the Class of '25: Save your forks!
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
I just joined BlueSky 3 days ago and I’m already good friends with 13 hookers.
May 8, 2025 at 12:18 AM
I just joined BlueSky 3 days ago and I’m already good friends with 13 hookers.
The first papal conclave in nearly 12 years is underway today at the Sistine Chapel where a secretive voting process will take place until eventually, Jeff Probst emerges and says “The tribe has spoken.”
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Pick-a-pope and rope-a-dope
A made-for-tv event!
open.substack.com
May 7, 2025 at 8:58 PM
The first papal conclave in nearly 12 years is underway today at the Sistine Chapel where a secretive voting process will take place until eventually, Jeff Probst emerges and says “The tribe has spoken.”
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
open.substack.com/pub/mikemerc...
Reposted by Mike Mercury
this internet was a mistake, but sometimes it’s the best thing ever created
May 6, 2025 at 3:23 PM
this internet was a mistake, but sometimes it’s the best thing ever created
The @donaldjtrump-maga.bsky.social administration is offering undocumented people the chance to self-deport for $1000 plus a plane ticket. Who's in charge now, a former Kohl's marketing executive? Hurry, Free Shipping – ends Tuesday!
May 5, 2025 at 5:00 PM
The @donaldjtrump-maga.bsky.social administration is offering undocumented people the chance to self-deport for $1000 plus a plane ticket. Who's in charge now, a former Kohl's marketing executive? Hurry, Free Shipping – ends Tuesday!
Hello humans of @bsky.app!
I'm late to the game as usual but I finally wised up and got a bluesky acct. If you like to read, here's a starter column for you. Enjoy and let me know what's on your mind!
mikemercury.substack.com/p/taxes-dont...
I'm late to the game as usual but I finally wised up and got a bluesky acct. If you like to read, here's a starter column for you. Enjoy and let me know what's on your mind!
mikemercury.substack.com/p/taxes-dont...
Taxes don't have to be taxing
Especially when you skip them altogether
mikemercury.substack.com
May 5, 2025 at 4:29 PM
Hello humans of @bsky.app!
I'm late to the game as usual but I finally wised up and got a bluesky acct. If you like to read, here's a starter column for you. Enjoy and let me know what's on your mind!
mikemercury.substack.com/p/taxes-dont...
I'm late to the game as usual but I finally wised up and got a bluesky acct. If you like to read, here's a starter column for you. Enjoy and let me know what's on your mind!
mikemercury.substack.com/p/taxes-dont...