i guess 'well-adjusted' people moreso, as my experience up until maybe a year or two ago was being 80% surrounded by people like my parents while the other 20% would be mad at me for acting like im surrounded by people like my parents because they were raised well

also hearing a random drunken "WAHOOOOoooouu~~~" intermittently like one of those "10 hours of silence randomly interrupted by jerma" videos

(this meant to post all at once oops) knowing that other people have been breathing without every single of their breaths coming with guilt and apologies and 'ill do better' makes me feel actually bitter for once instead of it being a normal fact of life that everything i do is inherently wrong

and the harrowing comes from the grief and anger of not just knowing the hand was there my whole life but attempting to internalize what it implies about everything i thought i knew about how the world works and my place in it. that its even worth grieving.

who never gave me patience (or those who would offer it had limited capacity), on a guttural level feels harrowing while at the exact same time like ive just had a hand taken off of my nose and mouth that had been there since i was a baby so i can take my first gasp of air

ive done more self-therapy in the last year than ive been able to do in my whole life but its good to have an outside person to talk to probably

now trying to reduce how often i consume alcohol and weed since theyve become nightly dependencies for me over that time

im so sorry i forgot to reply but i appreciate it so much mala, ill keep it in mind :')

it can be people who fully know you have trauma with it happening before too, like it feels like a cognitohazard with how badly it fucks up the ability to heal and trust