like who do they think they're gonna lose if they just say "yeah, that's our bag, baby"

For anyone that's curious why my deaf friend speaks in pidgin english and, for instance, Marlee Matlin doesn't, my answer is "I also wish I knew why that is". A bunch of kids from the Oklahoma School for the Deaf in a town called Quapaw came to my website years ago and they all talked that way.

I had a deaf friend who heard me say bathroom and asked "what that bathroom" so I said toilet and like the most condescending aristocrat they said "oh, you mean RESTROOM" and I've never recovered

Naa, naa, I got this one. James Bond, 007, is a nearly 100 year old living corpse in a tube of fluid at MI6. Whenever a new James Bond happens it's because they copied the original's mind onto the new one, who is the top of his class at Jack Ryan Shadow Agent School of Witchcraft and Wizardry or w/e

That feeling when you know someone who can read your mind is irritating the shit out of you and you can't do anything about it

I am Sam's Barely Disguised Degradation Fetish

There's a fine line between fame and infamy

[WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST will remember this.]

I actually heard a lot of people saying Elon Musk is actually too poor and too dumb to wrestle a baby grizzly away from its mother. Lots of people are saying that and laughing about it. About how he's too dumb and poor.

The main reason is that tradwives are illiterate

wow, so many people calling you a bitch and telling you to resign. so mean. whatever happened to diplomacy? whatever happened to manners?

anyways, the Baileys called me on my imaginary phone and they think you should blow your brains out on live TV. "Tell him to pull a Bud Dwyer," they said. Harsh!

Gilbert looks like Barack Obama after some kind of witch's spell

Normally the worst way to attempt to kill a goat, but when you're a hill giant you can pull it off (literally)

I think you have to become mayor for that

I've thought on it and you know what I also love praise

it's no Adobe, the little car that's made out of clay

That's why we all continue to do it, in honor of him.

if this site was worth a damn it'd have a function for me to be able to throw a couple of dollars into your guitar case as thanks for this beautiful piece of poetry