Porn On The Cob
@pornonthecob.bsky.social
Please, call me Porn On The Cob.
Mr. Porn On The Cob was my father.
Mr. Porn On The Cob was my father.
I have never blown my nose, and at this point I am too afraid to try.
December 5, 2024 at 3:23 PM
I have never blown my nose, and at this point I am too afraid to try.
Being an adult gives you a wild new perspective on your childhood.
I am currently sexting with a woman who I know is, at this very moment, at her job — as an elementary school counselor.
Is this what my elementary school counselor was doing when I was a kid???
I mean…probably not.
No cell phones
I am currently sexting with a woman who I know is, at this very moment, at her job — as an elementary school counselor.
Is this what my elementary school counselor was doing when I was a kid???
I mean…probably not.
No cell phones
December 3, 2024 at 6:43 PM
Being an adult gives you a wild new perspective on your childhood.
I am currently sexting with a woman who I know is, at this very moment, at her job — as an elementary school counselor.
Is this what my elementary school counselor was doing when I was a kid???
I mean…probably not.
No cell phones
I am currently sexting with a woman who I know is, at this very moment, at her job — as an elementary school counselor.
Is this what my elementary school counselor was doing when I was a kid???
I mean…probably not.
No cell phones
Whenever I’m scheduled to give a presentation, I spend 93% of my prep time practicing whether I am going to open with “good morning” or “good afternoon.”
And I still fuck it up about half the time, which is about what you’d expect if I was just wildly guessing.
Gonna have to up it to 94%.
And I still fuck it up about half the time, which is about what you’d expect if I was just wildly guessing.
Gonna have to up it to 94%.
December 3, 2024 at 6:40 PM
Whenever I’m scheduled to give a presentation, I spend 93% of my prep time practicing whether I am going to open with “good morning” or “good afternoon.”
And I still fuck it up about half the time, which is about what you’d expect if I was just wildly guessing.
Gonna have to up it to 94%.
And I still fuck it up about half the time, which is about what you’d expect if I was just wildly guessing.
Gonna have to up it to 94%.
Ugh, my body composition is now 80% potato.
Legally speaking, when it’s time for the next census, I think I have to register as an actual potato now.
Legally speaking, when it’s time for the next census, I think I have to register as an actual potato now.
November 29, 2024 at 12:13 AM
Ugh, my body composition is now 80% potato.
Legally speaking, when it’s time for the next census, I think I have to register as an actual potato now.
Legally speaking, when it’s time for the next census, I think I have to register as an actual potato now.
Ever since I was a little boy, I knew that I wanted one day to be a big boy.
November 27, 2024 at 2:05 PM
Ever since I was a little boy, I knew that I wanted one day to be a big boy.
Whenever books are advertised as being available “wherever books are sold,” I think to myself “Oh noooo, they have no idea, do they?”
Trying to buy a book for years, they’ve looked everywhere. The billiard hall. The cinema show. The bean shop. No books to be found. They’ve given up. They can’t.
Trying to buy a book for years, they’ve looked everywhere. The billiard hall. The cinema show. The bean shop. No books to be found. They’ve given up. They can’t.
November 27, 2024 at 2:32 AM
Whenever books are advertised as being available “wherever books are sold,” I think to myself “Oh noooo, they have no idea, do they?”
Trying to buy a book for years, they’ve looked everywhere. The billiard hall. The cinema show. The bean shop. No books to be found. They’ve given up. They can’t.
Trying to buy a book for years, they’ve looked everywhere. The billiard hall. The cinema show. The bean shop. No books to be found. They’ve given up. They can’t.
One thing I think we can ALL agree on is that MY life is the absolutely normal no ducks over here adult lifestyle, and THOSE people over THERE are the Screwball McDucks.
*motions vaguely at whomever*
#IAmNormal
*motions vaguely at whomever*
#IAmNormal
November 25, 2024 at 5:46 AM
One thing I think we can ALL agree on is that MY life is the absolutely normal no ducks over here adult lifestyle, and THOSE people over THERE are the Screwball McDucks.
*motions vaguely at whomever*
#IAmNormal
*motions vaguely at whomever*
#IAmNormal
11:17 PM, suddenly heard a knock on my front door.
I’m way too old to get unexpected visitors this late at night.
It turned out to be a police officer, alerting me to the fact I’d left my car headlights on for the past three hours. Whoops
Okay, okay
We can keep funding THESE police officers.
I’m way too old to get unexpected visitors this late at night.
It turned out to be a police officer, alerting me to the fact I’d left my car headlights on for the past three hours. Whoops
Okay, okay
We can keep funding THESE police officers.
November 25, 2024 at 4:27 AM
11:17 PM, suddenly heard a knock on my front door.
I’m way too old to get unexpected visitors this late at night.
It turned out to be a police officer, alerting me to the fact I’d left my car headlights on for the past three hours. Whoops
Okay, okay
We can keep funding THESE police officers.
I’m way too old to get unexpected visitors this late at night.
It turned out to be a police officer, alerting me to the fact I’d left my car headlights on for the past three hours. Whoops
Okay, okay
We can keep funding THESE police officers.
I missed the past five seasons of the NFL and now I don’t know who any of the characters are anymore.
Ugh, this is The Avengers all over again.
Now I have to go back and watch all the football games I missed so I can keep track of who gets killed off in Offseason War.
Ugh, this is The Avengers all over again.
Now I have to go back and watch all the football games I missed so I can keep track of who gets killed off in Offseason War.
November 24, 2024 at 7:02 PM
I missed the past five seasons of the NFL and now I don’t know who any of the characters are anymore.
Ugh, this is The Avengers all over again.
Now I have to go back and watch all the football games I missed so I can keep track of who gets killed off in Offseason War.
Ugh, this is The Avengers all over again.
Now I have to go back and watch all the football games I missed so I can keep track of who gets killed off in Offseason War.
Let it never be said that I am a bad tipper.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely am.
But don’t let it be said.
I don’t want people to know.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely am.
But don’t let it be said.
I don’t want people to know.
November 24, 2024 at 6:10 PM
Let it never be said that I am a bad tipper.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely am.
But don’t let it be said.
I don’t want people to know.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely am.
But don’t let it be said.
I don’t want people to know.
My daughter, as she struggled with a butter knife:
“The good news is I’d be bad at murdering someone.”
#SilverLinings
“The good news is I’d be bad at murdering someone.”
#SilverLinings
November 24, 2024 at 5:50 PM
My daughter, as she struggled with a butter knife:
“The good news is I’d be bad at murdering someone.”
#SilverLinings
“The good news is I’d be bad at murdering someone.”
#SilverLinings
What’s the manliest way to throw a slice of pizza?
I’ve ruled out underhand.
I’ve ruled out underhand.
November 24, 2024 at 7:07 AM
What’s the manliest way to throw a slice of pizza?
I’ve ruled out underhand.
I’ve ruled out underhand.
I was sitting at my kitchen counter at 1:43 AM when I heard a small scurrying sound and then a fallen Hershey kiss vanished beneath the fridge.
And yes, sure, the obvious answer is a mouse.
But I’m gonna need to confirm my daughter is still in bed before I consider this case officially closed.
And yes, sure, the obvious answer is a mouse.
But I’m gonna need to confirm my daughter is still in bed before I consider this case officially closed.
November 24, 2024 at 6:44 AM
I was sitting at my kitchen counter at 1:43 AM when I heard a small scurrying sound and then a fallen Hershey kiss vanished beneath the fridge.
And yes, sure, the obvious answer is a mouse.
But I’m gonna need to confirm my daughter is still in bed before I consider this case officially closed.
And yes, sure, the obvious answer is a mouse.
But I’m gonna need to confirm my daughter is still in bed before I consider this case officially closed.
YOU GUYS.
I hate to brag…
…but I’m, like, the best bragger in the whole world.
I hate to brag…
…but I’m, like, the best bragger in the whole world.
November 24, 2024 at 6:40 AM
YOU GUYS.
I hate to brag…
…but I’m, like, the best bragger in the whole world.
I hate to brag…
…but I’m, like, the best bragger in the whole world.
I have sole custody of my daughter. I took her coat shopping today.
Daughter: Last year, I made a mistake in choosing “cute” over “warm.”
I made the same mistake in choosing her mom.
#HeyOh
Daughter: Last year, I made a mistake in choosing “cute” over “warm.”
I made the same mistake in choosing her mom.
#HeyOh
November 24, 2024 at 2:43 AM
I have sole custody of my daughter. I took her coat shopping today.
Daughter: Last year, I made a mistake in choosing “cute” over “warm.”
I made the same mistake in choosing her mom.
#HeyOh
Daughter: Last year, I made a mistake in choosing “cute” over “warm.”
I made the same mistake in choosing her mom.
#HeyOh
One interesting thing that nobody ever talks about is that there is no correct way to spell laberinth...laburnth...labbyrynth...
November 23, 2024 at 9:32 PM
One interesting thing that nobody ever talks about is that there is no correct way to spell laberinth...laburnth...labbyrynth...
My mother wants me to sign up for Amazon Prime. "Think of the savings!"
She doesn't understand that I save money by only shopping in stores that require pants and then refusing to do anything that requires wearing pants.
She doesn't understand that I save money by only shopping in stores that require pants and then refusing to do anything that requires wearing pants.
November 23, 2024 at 5:16 PM
My mother wants me to sign up for Amazon Prime. "Think of the savings!"
She doesn't understand that I save money by only shopping in stores that require pants and then refusing to do anything that requires wearing pants.
She doesn't understand that I save money by only shopping in stores that require pants and then refusing to do anything that requires wearing pants.
Thrilled to be one of the few, the proud, the 0% who tried "Penis" as their opening guess on Wordle today.
November 23, 2024 at 3:18 PM
Thrilled to be one of the few, the proud, the 0% who tried "Penis" as their opening guess on Wordle today.
November 23, 2024 at 7:29 AM
Words cannot express just how big of a fan I am.
“We cannot be mesmerized by the worst things that we see happening,”-“We will be inclined to react with shock by some things which are done precisely with the intent of shocking us.”
www.huffpost.com/entry/pete-b...
www.huffpost.com/entry/pete-b...
Pete Buttigieg Offers Advice To Democrats On Getting Through Trump's Presidency
"We cannot be mesmerized by the worst things that we see happening," the transportation secretary said.
www.huffpost.com
November 23, 2024 at 7:03 AM
Words cannot express just how big of a fan I am.
Crazy to think this all could have been avoided if we'd all given JEB! a little clap.
November 23, 2024 at 4:06 AM
Crazy to think this all could have been avoided if we'd all given JEB! a little clap.
Wait...what do we even call these things we're writing here?
Posts?
Tweets?
Pinterests?
Posts?
Tweets?
Pinterests?
November 23, 2024 at 3:44 AM
Wait...what do we even call these things we're writing here?
Posts?
Tweets?
Pinterests?
Posts?
Tweets?
Pinterests?
I just googled "Solo Board Games" in case you wondered how my dating life is going.
November 23, 2024 at 3:42 AM
I just googled "Solo Board Games" in case you wondered how my dating life is going.
My daughter, who hates mashed potatoes, became intrigued by the smell of my potatoes mid-mash.
DTR: You should put them back in potato skins.
Me: I just peeled them OUT of potato skins.
DTR: Well, peel them back in!
Me: 😑
DTR: If we wrap them up real tight, they'll be french fries!
#Parenting
DTR: You should put them back in potato skins.
Me: I just peeled them OUT of potato skins.
DTR: Well, peel them back in!
Me: 😑
DTR: If we wrap them up real tight, they'll be french fries!
#Parenting
November 23, 2024 at 3:34 AM
My daughter, who hates mashed potatoes, became intrigued by the smell of my potatoes mid-mash.
DTR: You should put them back in potato skins.
Me: I just peeled them OUT of potato skins.
DTR: Well, peel them back in!
Me: 😑
DTR: If we wrap them up real tight, they'll be french fries!
#Parenting
DTR: You should put them back in potato skins.
Me: I just peeled them OUT of potato skins.
DTR: Well, peel them back in!
Me: 😑
DTR: If we wrap them up real tight, they'll be french fries!
#Parenting