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pilotpirate.bsky.social
PilotPirate
@pilotpirate.bsky.social
350 followers 470 following 1.2K posts
She/her, elder millennial, OFMD podfic creator, writer. I sometimes post explicit content. Cover art by @sonorawent!
Podfics: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PilotPiratePods/
Fics: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PilotPirate/
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pilotpirate.bsky.social
Things get a little more...off...in chapter 5 of The Body Kinetic by @followedmystar.bsky.social and @ourfag.bsky.social! 🕷️🫀
SC: on.soundcloud.com/Gl1dNiC7TQhg...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/712603...
IA: archive.org/details/01-t...
written: archiveofourown.org/works/672341...
#ofmdpodfic
The title card for a podfic. Featuring a snippet from some amazing art by ourfag of writhing tentacles with sharp, pointed barbs. It says The Body Kinetic written by followedmystar art by ourfag podfic by PilotPirate
November 27, 2025 at 4:14 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Little #WIPWednesday for racewalker Stede. Mostly to remind myself that I am producing at least a tiny bit of writing! CW mild ankle injury. (Stede wasn't supposed to get injured in this fic, but this section just seemed boring so I am trying to fix that by making Ed touch Stede's foot 😂) #OFMDfic
As soon as Jim sees the man’s limp, they make him sit on a treatment table and start poking and prodding at his right ankle. He follows directions, but simultaneously protests: “I’m fine, I’m fine, you should be taking care of people who really nee-yaaaaugh!” He closes his eyes and grimaces. Ed squeezes his shoulder, which feels maybe a little too familiar, but his hand is still there from supporting the guy up onto the table, and he’s not gonna let go now. Hips doesn’t seem to mind; he flashes a relieved smile at Ed. “Sorry, yup, that, uh does hurt a bit,” he says. “Yeah, I’m gonna call that a mildly sprained ankle,” says Jim, as they dig into a bag for supplies. They pull out an elastic wrap and give Ed a side eye. “What the fuck are you doing here? Thought you were doing the sweep,” they say, gaze lingering on Ed’s hand on the man’s shoulder. “What? How do you even know that?” Ed makes to pull his hand away, but then the man’s hand lands on top of it and is now holding on. Nothing to be done. He squeezes again, reassuringly, while trying to keep his face and voice as neutral as possible. “Whatever. Fang’s doing it.” Jim’s eyes narrow as their eyes flick back and forth between Ed and the man on the table. “Better make yourself useful, then,” they finally say, handing Ed the rolled up bandage, then stalking off to the other end of the tent, pausing briefly to glance over their shoulder to give Ed a smirk. What the fuck? Is Ed’s obsession with the guy obvious to literally everyone in a fifty foot radius? Is he wearing a flashing sign that says “racewalking inexplicably turns me on?”
November 19, 2025 at 8:26 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
I've finally completed ch 4 of the #ofmdpodfic of The Body Kinetic by @followedmystar.bsky.social and @ourfag.bsky.social! Stede learns about art!
SC: on.soundcloud.com/aJEGesnV3Bpv...
IA: archive.org/details/01-t...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/712603...
fic: archiveofourown.org/works/672341...
The title card for a podfic. Featuring a snippet from some amazing art by ourfag of writhing tentacles with sharp, pointed barbs. It says The Body Kinetic written by followedmystar art by ourfag podfic by PilotPirate
November 10, 2025 at 8:38 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Get ready for chapter 3 of the podfic of The Body Kinetic by @followedmystar.bsky.social and @ourfag.bsky.social!
SC: on.soundcloud.com/Y2npVDnQ8U9w...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/712603...
IA: archive.org/details/01-t...
written: archiveofourown.org/works/672341...
#ofmdpodfic
The title card for a podfic. Featuring a snippet from some amazing art by ourfag of writhing tentacles with sharp, pointed barbs. It says The Body Kinetic written by followedmystar art by ourfag podfic by PilotPirate
October 13, 2025 at 9:04 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Ed is still getting his racewalking lesson from Stede! I almost posted a snip without any words like "gyrations," "wiggle," or "magical pelvis" but then I realized the error of my ways.
#WIPWednesday #OFMDfic
Ed feels himself relaxing into the stride, concentrating less, letting his body find the motion. He relishes in the warmth in his muscles, in the way he can practically feel the oxygen flowing through him, to every forgotten nook and cranny of his ramshackle frame. He knows that you don't really get endorphins from a workout this short, that's been debunked, but he swears something is happening in his brain. A new chemical is pinging around in there, and it makes him want to smile and smile and smile until his face hurts from the unfamiliar stretch. He feels like a different person than he did just a few hours ago. Like he's broken through something hard and brittle, emerged soft and new, crunchy fragments left behind in his wake, littering the bouncy, rust-red track. They are in the final straightaway now, and Ed can feel Stede beside him subtly pushing the pace. As they both wiggle their hips towards down the track, Ed cannot believe that he’s ended up here, gone from admiring a beautiful sparkle of a man with a magical pelvis, to circling a track with said magical sparkle-man, moving with the most ridiculous gyrations ever created by humans. They burst over the finish line, Ed just about ready to collapse, but he’s suddenly supported by an arm clapped across his back. “You won,” says Stede with a grin.
October 8, 2025 at 2:08 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Chapter 2 of the podfic of The Body Kinetic by @followedmystar.bsky.social and @ourfag.bsky.social is up! Will Stede succeed in meeting his new house guest/rival?
SC: on.soundcloud.com/AlnEhQGKbQcm...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/712603...
written: archiveofourown.org/works/672341...
#ofmdpodfic
The title card for a podfic. Featuring a snippet from some amazing art by ourfag of writhing tentacles with sharp, pointed barbs. It says The Body Kinetic written by followedmystar art by ourfag podfic by PilotPirate
September 30, 2025 at 1:55 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Excited to start the podfic of The Body Kinetic, written by @followedmystar.bsky.social with amazing art by @ourfag.bsky.social!

On the one hand, Stede's life is grinding him to dust.
On the other, their new artist-in-residence is fascinating.

SC: on.soundcloud.com/Gzq7mrS6McxX...

More links ⬇️
The title card for a podfic. Featuring a snippet from some amazing art by ourfag of writhing tentacles with sharp, pointed barbs. It says The Body Kinetic written by followedmystar art by ourfag podfic by PilotPirate
September 23, 2025 at 1:55 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Here's an #OFMD #WIPWednesday where Stede gives Ed a racewalking lesson. #OFMDfic
fluttering with the movement. “Nothing.” “Okay. But don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions. Now it’s your turn, Ed.” That was inevitable, Ed supposes. He’s game. He plants his feet like Stede, twists his hips like he’s on the dance floor at a wedding. Let’s twist again like we did last summer… He looks to Stede for his response, eyebrow raised. He knows he’s got nothing close to Stede’s skills, but no one could say he’s not trying. Stede has unfortunately stopped shimmying, and is contemplating Ed with a critical eye. He approaches until he is close enough to be the wedding dance partner. Then he brings his hands lightly to hover just over either side of Ed’s waist. Ed stops moving, suddenly self-conscious under the attention. “May I?” Stede asks. Ed nods, and Stede’s hands land lightly on his hips. The awkward dance comparisons just keep coming. Though now it’s less wedding and more middle school slow dance shuffle. Ed resists the urge to fling his arms around Stede’s shoulders. “Now, really let them go. Men have a little more trouble with this movement sometimes. I think because we’re socialized to walk in a certain way. God forbid we should be “swishy,” right? Ed redoubles his effort, Stede’s gentle hands guiding his hips through a deeper range of motion. Ed feels the stretch all up and down his spine, between his shoulder blades, even. “I’m not afraid of a little swish now and again.” “I’m not afraid of a little swish now and again.” “Good. I didn’t think so.” Then Stede fucking winks at him, again, and hoo boy, Ed’s a goner. “That’s much better. Okay then, I think we’re ready to walk. You know the basic rules of racewalking, I gather?” “Just one foot on the ground at all times, right?” “That’s pretty much it. The other big one is your knee has to be straight when your foot lands, until your body passes over it. Actually…with your knee…how’s your range of motion? Can you straighten it all the way?” Ed props his leg out so it rests on his heel, stretching the knee as straight as he can, which he knows is a few degrees short of full extension, thanks to Archie and her goniometer. Stede kneels down and reaches out a hand, coming a fraction of an inch away from touching Ed’s knee, then seeming to stop himself. As if caressing Ed’s knee in public is just a hair too…something. Intimate? Ed wishes he could tell Stede to go ahead, touch my knee, without it being weird. Those hands would be gentle, Ed can tell. The want surges deep inside him before on he can stop it, and it’s not just desire he’s feeling, it’s a bubbling geyser of the deeper yearning for connection that Ed has managed to tamp down for so long. Ed has to take a deep breath and look to the sky, focus on the green mountains poking through chiaroscuro clouds, the vast panorama, the dramatic forces of nature, to help distract him from his trivial human feelings. His loneliness. He takes a shaky breath. He looks down.
September 17, 2025 at 1:46 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Enjoy some snowed-in sweeties with the #ofmdpodfic of "my bed's too big for just me" by @aproperpirate.bsky.social. Sweet and spicy one bed deliciousness!
SC: on.soundcloud.com/hxGvw1bMhU3b...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/70486286
IA: archive.org/details/my-b...
#ofmdfic
Cover image for a podfic. A snowy street scene with text overlaid in a handwriting font: my bed's too big for just me written by This_Will_Be_Our_Year podfic by PilotPirate
September 7, 2025 at 4:44 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
More racewalking Stede for #WIPWednesday ! #OFMDfic
He wanted to share the best parts of this town he loves with people who will appreciate it. People like Hips, who is currently crossing the finish line to the most enthusiastic cheers Ed has maybe ever heard. Ed feels a swoop of excitement that he made it, that he gets to share in this moment. Even though that’s ridiculous. What is he, the guy’s coach or something? Nope, just a parasocial bystander. The man smiles at the crowd benevolently like he is a pop star and they are his biggest fans, and all appearances suggest that they truly are, given the whoops and hollers that ring out. He’s only a few steps across the line when his gaze alights on Ed and he does a cartoonish double take, his head swiveling towards Ed while his body continues to travel forward, a look of first disbelief, then gleeful exuberance lighting up his features. Ed sees the impending disaster milliseconds before it occurs. Unfortunately, because Ed has distracted this exhausted yet still ridiculously fast man, he’s unable to react appropriately when the tallest and most shredded human Ed has ever seen absent-mindedly takes a step backwards into his path. The collision has the expected outcome: Muscle Man barely seems to notice anything has occurred, while Hips crumples into a neon heap at his feet. “Shit,” says Ed, rushing to the man’s side, visions of career ending injuries and multimillion dollar lawsuits dancing in his head.
September 3, 2025 at 2:15 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
For #WIPWednesday racewalker Stede has completed the loop and is passing by again.

#OFMDfic
The wait is blessedly short, less than ten minutes. Ed spots the man’s colorful gear and his smooth yet vigorous stride as he crests the hill. Ed starts to take Fang's hat off so he can dazzle with his lustrous curls, but realizes immediately that the look will be less shampoo commercial and more interrupted mid-shampoo. So instead, he pulls some strands out of the cap to frame his face. A guy can try right? Shit, he’s running out of time; The man has the legs of a gazelle and the speed to match. Ed knows that Hips has just passed a water station, but he chooses not to be deterred by this technicality and crosses the street with a cup so he can steal one more moment of sunshine. The man delivers. Once he notices that Ed’s waiting for him, his arm swing becomes more enthusiastic, if that’s possible, and his smile positively blooms like the tulip fields in April. “Such service,” he pants as he takes the cup, and then he winks, leaving Ed speechless and twitterpated, unable to even give the man a word of encouragement as he passes by, hips a-swishing and glutes a-flexing. Ed again admires the man’s receding form, trying to memorize the shape of every bulging muscle under that wet clingy fabric, but this time there’s a haze of sadness hanging over him, like during the ending credits of a perfect movie, knowing that now you’ve got to emerge from the cold salted-butter air into the heavy, humid smog-blanket of real life. He sighs and crosses the road back to Fang, who’s watching him knowingly.
August 27, 2025 at 2:36 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
#WIPWednesday for racewalker Stede Bonnet.
Ed’s seen plenty of folks run a marathon. He’s also seen plenty of folks walk a marathon. But he’s never seen anyone racewalk a marathon. Until now. Ed notices the cadence before anything else. It’s all hips. Hips swiveling and dipping like those of a supermodel, if that model were crossing a football field at the same pace the others made it down the catwalk. Arms pumping double time but no bounce in the shoulders-eerily smooth from the chest up. And while on the topic of chest–this might be the broadest chest Ed’s ever seen on an endurance athlete. The pink neon shirt hugs his biceps, the swell of his tits, the small peaks of his–Jesus. With the rain and the chill, someone’s gonna get an eye poked out. Ed hopes it’s him. He doesn’t need both of his eyes. Which is a good thing, because when Ed is able to tear his gaze from the man’s chest and bring it up to his face, he’s nearly blinded by a radiant smile that could power a small city, could melt glaciers, could accelerate global warming to an alarming degree. Doesn’t he know it’s raining? That there’s a headwind that shows no signs of letting up? That he’s supposed to be miserable and struggling, 18 miles into a 26 mile exercise in masochism?
August 13, 2025 at 3:01 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Ugh back to work after a vacation 😩 but had a lovely week off! Here are some pretty pictures for the timeline.
Mountain landscape with some evergreens in the foreground. Mountain landscape. Mountain landscape.
August 12, 2025 at 3:05 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Dying is Done by @likethehotsauce.bsky.social is now an #ofmdpodfic! One night, while getting ready for bed, Ed realizes that he resembles his mother.
SC: on.soundcloud.com/8pgWNqi17zJA...
IA: archive.org/details/dyin...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/68632336
fic: archiveofourown.org/works/43839802
Cover Image for a podfic: an illustration of an ornate blue mirror over an abstract blue and cream background with the words: Dying is Done. Written by likethehotsauce. Read by PilotPirate.
August 3, 2025 at 6:30 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
i grew up on these streets
A screen shot from Commander Keen.
August 2, 2025 at 2:35 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
And with Chapter 4, I Got People, my RBB with @sonorawent.bsky.social is complete! This fic is deeply silly and deeply heartfelt, with beautiful art in every chapter! I'm so pleased to release it into the world! archiveofourown.org/works/680669...
@ofmdreversebigbang.bsky.social #ofmdfic
Title card for a fic. A picture of a vintage-looking bus with Gentlebeard and Garlic Knot silhouettes in the window and a Zheng silhouette in the doorway. I Got People is written across the bus in bold tangerine letters. Underneath is written: Words by PilotPirate and Art by SonoraWent. On the corner of the bus it says OFMD RBB 2025. It is beautiful!
August 2, 2025 at 2:28 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Chapter 3 of I Got People is up! Did someone say Chaos Lesbians? More lovely lovely art by @sonorawent.bsky.social! archiveofourown.org/works/680669...
@ofmdreversebigbang.bsky.social #GarlicSoup
Title card for a fic. A picture of a vintage-looking bus with Gentlebeard and Garlic Knot silhouettes in the window and a Zheng silhouette in the doorway. I Got People is written across the bus in bold tangerine letters. Underneath is written: Words by PilotPirate and Art by SonoraWent. On the corner of the bus it says OFMD RBB 2025. It is beautiful!
July 29, 2025 at 2:30 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Chapter 2 of I Got People, our post-heist road trip #ofmdreversebigbang fic is up, with some amazing art by @sonorawent.bsky.social! In which there is knife-throwing, a First Date, and Buttons being Buttons! archiveofourown.org/works/680669...
Title card for a fic. A picture of a vintage-looking bus with Gentlebeard and Garlic Knot silhouettes in the window and a Zheng silhouette in the doorway. I Got People is written across the bus in bold tangerine letters. Underneath is written: Words by PilotPirate and Art by SonoraWent. On the corner of the bus it says OFMD RBB 2025. It is beautiful!
July 27, 2025 at 10:49 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
It's here! Chapter one of I Got People, my #ofmdreversebigbang collab with @sonorawent.bsky.social! The getaway bus is a little crowded but surely there's room for Ed and Zheng, right? Gorgeous art! Post-heist shenanigans! Identity crises! And more... archiveofourown.org/works/680669... #GarlicSoup
Title card for a fic. A picture of a vintage-looking bus with Gentlebeard and Garlic Knot silhouettes in the window and a Zheng silhouette in the doorway. I Got People is written across the bus in bold tangerine letters. Underneath is written: Words by PilotPirate and Art by SonoraWent. On the corner of the bus it says OFMD RBB 2025. It is beautiful!
July 26, 2025 at 1:22 AM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Coming Soon: I Got People, my @ofmdreversebigbang.bsky.social collab with @sonorawent.bsky.social! After a heist gone sideways, the getaway bus is a bit more crowded than anticipated... A #GarlicSoup and Gentlebeard story about found family and becoming who you want to be! First chapter tomorrow!
The title card for a fic. A lovely vintage-looking bus with silhouettes of OFMD Garlic Soup and Gentlebeard characters seen through the windows and a Zheng silhouette standing in the doorway. The title I Got People is across the bus in bold yellow. Underneath. It says words by PilotPirate and art by SonoraWent. In the corner of the bus it says OFMD RBB 2025.
July 24, 2025 at 3:39 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
The podfic of Night Moves by @unfunpleasures.bsky.social is complete with chapter 5!!! This fic is so lovely, I'll miss working on it! 😭
SC: on.soundcloud.com/PtDibQip8ecS...
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/639489...
IA: archive.org/details/1-ni...
written: archiveofourown.org/works/621553...
Title card for a podfic. There is a dark night sky with a lightning bolt and the silhouettes of trees. In glowing cursive is the title: "night moves." In a small white font: An OFMD AU by unfunpleasures. Podfic by PilotPirate.
July 15, 2025 at 2:11 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Lip tracing!!!😍😍😍 Going to be self-centered now with a lip tracing moment from my fic I Would Melt in Your Arms
Then, Ed feels Stede’s thumb touching his top lip, tracing along it. “Stede,” he whispers. Stede starts and pulls his hand away. “Oh! So sorry!” “No no no no don’t stop.” “Oh. Okay.” Stede’s hand finds Ed’s cheek again, his thumb back on Ed’s lip. He feels the pad of it outlining first the top, brushing against the edge of his mustache, then along the bottom, and back to the starting point. Now it’s resting right in the middle, under Ed’s nose. Ed’s quickly losing the ability to think. “Stede,” he whispers, trying to keep his lips as still as possible, trying not to startle, not to break the spell. Ed wills his eyes to work so he can see Stede’s expression, suss out what he’s thinking, but they remain stubbornly human, night-vision eluding him. So he closes his eyes instead and takes a chance. “Will you kiss me? Please? If you want to.”
July 5, 2025 at 2:22 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
Here's a little #WIPWednesday snip from my RBB with @sonorawent.bsky.social ! Garlic Soup, Gentlebeard, and the rest of the crew stuck on a bus for a post-heist road trip what could go wrong???
They were both out of breath. Stede was gazing at him with the most besotted expression. “Hey,” he whispered. “We didn’t even get to do the fun part.” He reached behind Ed’s head, and then suddenly Ed was seeing Stede through the diaphanous filter of the veil as it draped, landing lightly against his nose and cheeks. Stede was sunlight dappled and soft, looking so much like a shimmering dream, but solid. He was here. And then the veil was lifting again, and Stede kissed him, lips warm, a hand finding his cheek. A short kiss since they were still catching their breath, but followed by another, then another, breath intermingling, Stede pulling him closer, hand finding its way beneath the veil, fingers on his scalp making him shiver. A sudden swerve jostled them apart. They both laughed, pausing to breathe. Stede still looked transfixed as he swayed in the movements of the bus. The engine thrummed. Ed’s heart thrummed. The sound of a throat clearing jolted Ed from his reverie. He slowly turned his head. Staring back at him was…well, everyone. The entire heist crew. Not only Stede’s crew, who he assumed would be here, but also his own crew, and Zheng. Zheng, who looked upon them with a gaze as powerful as Medusa’s. “Glad you boys are having fun,” she said. “But you know your antics almost got us killed out there.”
June 25, 2025 at 2:38 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
I don't know if I'm going to finish this post-apocalyptic Jim/Archie (smut???? If I can figure out how to write that?) fic in time for #garlicsoupweek but we'll see! Snip is SFW. #WIPwednesday
Frenchie clears his throat and Jim immediately knows what he’s not saying. Time is passing. The sun sits lower in the sky. Time to get back before things get even more dangerous out here, while there’s still time enough to figure out how to cook this bird. Jim misses Roach. Not as much as…but anyway. Jim kind of wishes they could keep talking to this Archie character. Someone new at least. But they can’t. So. “Best be on our way then. Thanks. A lot.” “Alright then! Good luck! Just remember that the strong muscles are for closing their jaws, not opening!” Jim and Frenchie turn and begin their trek, quicker now than before, hustling to beat the encroaching dusk. Jim wonders when Frenchie will say something about Archie probably being a witch, guesses thirty seconds, and begins counting in their mind. The counting is interrupted by footsteps approaching from behind at a run. Jim is more prepared this time, whirling, knife in hand. “Hey! Just me! Wowee! That’s quite a blade! Shit, buy a girl a drink first before waving that thing in her face!” It’s Archie of course. Jim wills their heart rate to slow, lowers the knife but doesn’t sheath it right away. Like, Archie seems to be fine. She saved their life, actually. But that doesn’t mean she’s not a threat. Everything is a threat. “Sorry,” they say.
June 18, 2025 at 7:28 PM
pilotpirate.bsky.social
The lovely fine fabric fic A Stroke of Insight by @involuntaryorange.bsky.social is now a podfic!
AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/66617326
SC: on.soundcloud.com/r5FCJ6ORcjXq...
written: archiveofourown.org/works/390832...
For @littlefingies.bsky.social ! 💖
#ofmdpodifc
Over a dark blue velvet background, in shimmery off-white cursive letters: A Stroke of Insight by involuntaryorange narrated by PilotPirate
June 16, 2025 at 4:41 PM