My autism has never damaged me. What has is compulsory neurotypicality & compulsory abledness, is internalized ableism, is masking & autistic burnout, is gaslighting & erasing the self I had no language for. Autism isn’t a disease. It doesn’t damage autistic kids. Ableist people like RFK Jr. do.

It’s been two months now. Visibility and vulnerability are still an adjustment after four decades—and half that as a writer avoiding publication, despite much urging—of being closeted and masked, of making myself invisible to meet my learned perception of safety. It was terrifying.

I’m desperate for some #CNF and #actuallyautistic and #writingcommunity tonight. The essay (the 5/7 in my book) I’ve been trying to write for 9 months just died its second death since June, and I feel like a used wash cloth—damp and wrung out.

No judgments, only a desire to understand.
New to non-FB socials, & this place & what to post confuse me. Vulnerability in service of art & connection is what I do, but resist sharing my life here, where my posts have afterwards felt like chasing engagement & validation. How does posting serve you?

Great thread!

Re the article (not the thread):

To argue against vaccines or cast doubt on them because they cause autism (they don’t) is, rhetorically, to say dead kids are better than autistic kids. It’s offensive & dehumanizing. We’re just as whole & as human as you. Stop pathologizing us.

We see only through our own stories & eyes, blinding us to the unique stories others are living. As a trans, queer, Jewish autistic, I’ve been erased my whole life. How fully do you feel you see and are seen?
My essay about story blindness & complex trauma: www.peatsmokejournal.com/fall-2024-no...

It’s hard to read this & not shut down from fear & despair. It’s hard to exist in this world without submitting to future threats. I want to flee. Instead, I freeze. Have all my life. But agency is found in the now. Hope isn’t a far horizon or future sunrise, but each step and breath along the way.

On #GivingTuesday, I highlight the community building, craft teaching, chocolate sharing, work of Wordcrafters in Eugene, an inclusive 3rd space, where everybody—& their stories—matters. Honored to be Prez of its nonprofit board. What do you love about your writing orgs?

wordcrafters.org/donate/

Last month, my lyric essay about how we don’t—and can never fully—see each other and how that prevented me from seeing myself and my many identities was published.

But here I am.

Thank you to @psmokejournal.bsky.social! I’m grateful its home is with you.

www.peatsmokejournal.com/fall-2024-no...