And reclaiming yourself will be gradual too.
But it starts with acknowledgment. With seeing clearly what you've been giving away and deciding—gently, firmly, courageously—that you're done.
#Belonging #WholenessOverPerformance #TheQuietPartOutLoud

Don't change anything yet. Just see the pattern.
Because you can't reclaim what you don't first see.
#BoundaryWork #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth

The people who truly see you? They don't want the performed version. They want the real one.
But you can't offer that version if you've given it away piece by piece.
#Authenticity #SelfAbandonment #Reclamation

Self-Directed: Time spent on what aligns with YOUR values
Other-Directed: Time spent managing others' perceptions
System-Directed: Time spent conforming to expectations
Where does your life force actually go?
#MentalModels #Agency #SelfAwareness

You developed an identity based on what you could provide. On how useful you were. On how much you could carry without complaining.
But you never stopped to ask: Who am I when I'm not performing?
#IdentityWork #Conditioning #InnerCompass

You've been giving yourself away for so long, you might not even recognize what's missing anymore.
#Boundaries #PeoplesPlease #EmotionalLabor

You say yes when you mean no
You soften your opinions
You apologize for taking up space
You edit yourself in real time

You've spent so long managing others' expectations that you can't remember the last time you asked yourself that question.
This week's essay is about reclaiming what's yours.
buff.ly/FlreOxq
#TheQuietPartOutLoud #CriticalConsciousness #SelfReclamation

Because consciousness precedes change.

You can't shift a pattern you're not aware of.

"Am I giving from overflow or from obligation?"

Overflow = genuine generosity.
Obligation = self-abandonment in disguise.

If it's obligation, I either:
1. Say no
2. Wait until it becomes overflow
3. Be honest: "I want this, but I'll share"

Three seconds changed everything.

That's not connection. That's performance.

And kids can feel the difference.

You can't be truly present when you're not honest about what you want.

You can't be seen when you're hiding your needs.

You can't model healthy boundaries when you have none.

Essay: buff.ly/bg7QLRq

Blake (my 9-year-old) didn't need me to give him all the chocolates.

He needed me to be REAL with him.

"I want these. They're mine. But I'll share ONE if you want."

That's what healthy modeling looks like.

Giving them all away? That teaches him that honesty is selfish.

9/ Not through force. But through practice.

Eating the good chocolate first.
Resting before you're empty.
Asking for what you need.

10/ Each small act rewrites the program:

"I'm allowed to take up space."
"My needs matter."
"I don't have to earn my existence."

Essay: buff.ly/bg7QLRq

7/ The chocolate box was just the latest iteration of an old program:

"Make yourself smaller. Take up less space. Need less. Deserve less."

8/ But here's what I'm learning:

The system that kept you safe as a child will slowly kill you as an adult.

You have to recode it.

6/ And I'm still living like scarcity is the rule.

Like my needs are always one request away from being "too much."

Like rest has to be earned because existing alone isn't enough.

Make yourself small → you'll belong

4/ These weren't conscious thoughts.

They were survival strategies encoded in my nervous system.

5/ The problem?

Those strategies worked THEN.

They kept me safe, fed, connected.

But I'm not that kid anymore.