Phillip Marcus Jr
@phillipmarcusjr.bsky.social
Liberation Coach 🌿 | Helping self-aware people who’ve done the work but still feel stuck, see what’s keeping them trapped and finally feel free again.
https://phillipmarcusjr.substack.com/
https://phillipmarcusjr.substack.com/
"The people who truly belong in your life don't need you to disappear for them to see you."
They need you whole.
Boundaried.
Clear.
Real.
You didn't lose yourself all at once. It happened gradually—one small concession at a time, one boundary erased, one truth left unspoken.
They need you whole.
Boundaried.
Clear.
Real.
You didn't lose yourself all at once. It happened gradually—one small concession at a time, one boundary erased, one truth left unspoken.
November 8, 2025 at 1:48 PM
"The people who truly belong in your life don't need you to disappear for them to see you."
They need you whole.
Boundaried.
Clear.
Real.
You didn't lose yourself all at once. It happened gradually—one small concession at a time, one boundary erased, one truth left unspoken.
They need you whole.
Boundaried.
Clear.
Real.
You didn't lose yourself all at once. It happened gradually—one small concession at a time, one boundary erased, one truth left unspoken.
For one week, just notice:
Every time you:
Say yes when you mean no
Edit your opinion before speaking
Take on responsibility that isn't yours
Apologize for things that don't require apology
Stay silent when you have something to say
Every time you:
Say yes when you mean no
Edit your opinion before speaking
Take on responsibility that isn't yours
Apologize for things that don't require apology
Stay silent when you have something to say
November 8, 2025 at 2:22 AM
For one week, just notice:
Every time you:
Say yes when you mean no
Edit your opinion before speaking
Take on responsibility that isn't yours
Apologize for things that don't require apology
Stay silent when you have something to say
Every time you:
Say yes when you mean no
Edit your opinion before speaking
Take on responsibility that isn't yours
Apologize for things that don't require apology
Stay silent when you have something to say
"If I stopped optimizing for approval, what would I give myself permission to want, say, or become?"
This isn't about becoming selfish.
It's about recognizing that self-abandonment doesn't make you easier to love—it makes you harder to know.
This isn't about becoming selfish.
It's about recognizing that self-abandonment doesn't make you easier to love—it makes you harder to know.
November 7, 2025 at 1:12 AM
"If I stopped optimizing for approval, what would I give myself permission to want, say, or become?"
This isn't about becoming selfish.
It's about recognizing that self-abandonment doesn't make you easier to love—it makes you harder to know.
This isn't about becoming selfish.
It's about recognizing that self-abandonment doesn't make you easier to love—it makes you harder to know.
Most of us operate with an inverted ratio: 20% self-directed, 80% spent managing others and conforming to systems.
Think of agency—your capacity to choose and direct your life—as a finite resource allocated across three channels:
Think of agency—your capacity to choose and direct your life—as a finite resource allocated across three channels:
November 6, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Most of us operate with an inverted ratio: 20% self-directed, 80% spent managing others and conforming to systems.
Think of agency—your capacity to choose and direct your life—as a finite resource allocated across three channels:
Think of agency—your capacity to choose and direct your life—as a finite resource allocated across three channels:
Who am I if I'm not giving?
We live in a society that teaches us to outsource our sense of validation. From childhood to school to work, we're conditioned to seek approval rather than operate from an internal compass.
We live in a society that teaches us to outsource our sense of validation. From childhood to school to work, we're conditioned to seek approval rather than operate from an internal compass.
November 5, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Who am I if I'm not giving?
We live in a society that teaches us to outsource our sense of validation. From childhood to school to work, we're conditioned to seek approval rather than operate from an internal compass.
We live in a society that teaches us to outsource our sense of validation. From childhood to school to work, we're conditioned to seek approval rather than operate from an internal compass.
"You mistake self-erasure for generosity. You call boundary-lessness 'being supportive.' You confuse over-functioning with love."
Throughout your day, you demonstrate dozens of behaviors—small, socially acceptable, invisible—that are unconsciously seeking approval:
Throughout your day, you demonstrate dozens of behaviors—small, socially acceptable, invisible—that are unconsciously seeking approval:
November 3, 2025 at 11:55 PM
"You mistake self-erasure for generosity. You call boundary-lessness 'being supportive.' You confuse over-functioning with love."
Throughout your day, you demonstrate dozens of behaviors—small, socially acceptable, invisible—that are unconsciously seeking approval:
Throughout your day, you demonstrate dozens of behaviors—small, socially acceptable, invisible—that are unconsciously seeking approval:
What do you actually want?
Not what your partner wants.
Not what your boss needs.
Not what would make your parents proud.
What do you want?
If that question makes you pause—if you feel a slight tightness in your chest or a mental blank—you're not alone.
Not what your partner wants.
Not what your boss needs.
Not what would make your parents proud.
What do you want?
If that question makes you pause—if you feel a slight tightness in your chest or a mental blank—you're not alone.
November 3, 2025 at 1:15 AM
What do you actually want?
Not what your partner wants.
Not what your boss needs.
Not what would make your parents proud.
What do you want?
If that question makes you pause—if you feel a slight tightness in your chest or a mental blank—you're not alone.
Not what your partner wants.
Not what your boss needs.
Not what would make your parents proud.
What do you want?
If that question makes you pause—if you feel a slight tightness in your chest or a mental blank—you're not alone.
One week since the chocolate essay dropped.
People keep asking: "So now what? How do I actually change this?"
Here's what I'm practicing:
The 3-Second Pause.
Before I give something away (time, energy, the last chocolate), I pause for 3 seconds and ask:
People keep asking: "So now what? How do I actually change this?"
Here's what I'm practicing:
The 3-Second Pause.
Before I give something away (time, energy, the last chocolate), I pause for 3 seconds and ask:
November 1, 2025 at 12:48 PM
One week since the chocolate essay dropped.
People keep asking: "So now what? How do I actually change this?"
Here's what I'm practicing:
The 3-Second Pause.
Before I give something away (time, energy, the last chocolate), I pause for 3 seconds and ask:
People keep asking: "So now what? How do I actually change this?"
Here's what I'm practicing:
The 3-Second Pause.
Before I give something away (time, energy, the last chocolate), I pause for 3 seconds and ask:
Here's what I didn't expect about the chocolate essay:
People kept telling me: "This explains why my relationships feel off."
Because when you abandon yourself, you also abandon the relationship.
Even—especially—with your kids.
People kept telling me: "This explains why my relationships feel off."
Because when you abandon yourself, you also abandon the relationship.
Even—especially—with your kids.
November 1, 2025 at 1:22 AM
Here's what I didn't expect about the chocolate essay:
People kept telling me: "This explains why my relationships feel off."
Because when you abandon yourself, you also abandon the relationship.
Even—especially—with your kids.
People kept telling me: "This explains why my relationships feel off."
Because when you abandon yourself, you also abandon the relationship.
Even—especially—with your kids.
1/ I've been asking: where did I learn that my needs were negotiable?
Where did the chocolate box pattern start?
2/ And I realized: it started when being "easy" kept me safe.
3/ When I was young, I learned:
Don't ask for too much → they'll keep you
Don't be a burden → they'll stay
Where did the chocolate box pattern start?
2/ And I realized: it started when being "easy" kept me safe.
3/ When I was young, I learned:
Don't ask for too much → they'll keep you
Don't be a burden → they'll stay
October 31, 2025 at 12:12 AM
1/ I've been asking: where did I learn that my needs were negotiable?
Where did the chocolate box pattern start?
2/ And I realized: it started when being "easy" kept me safe.
3/ When I was young, I learned:
Don't ask for too much → they'll keep you
Don't be a burden → they'll stay
Where did the chocolate box pattern start?
2/ And I realized: it started when being "easy" kept me safe.
3/ When I was young, I learned:
Don't ask for too much → they'll keep you
Don't be a burden → they'll stay
Let me tell you about the hidden cost of always putting yourself last.
It's not just exhaustion.
It's decision debt.
When you're running on empty, every choice becomes exponentially harder. Should I respond to that email? Make dinner? Have a difficult conversation?
It's not just exhaustion.
It's decision debt.
When you're running on empty, every choice becomes exponentially harder. Should I respond to that email? Make dinner? Have a difficult conversation?
October 30, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Let me tell you about the hidden cost of always putting yourself last.
It's not just exhaustion.
It's decision debt.
When you're running on empty, every choice becomes exponentially harder. Should I respond to that email? Make dinner? Have a difficult conversation?
It's not just exhaustion.
It's decision debt.
When you're running on empty, every choice becomes exponentially harder. Should I respond to that email? Make dinner? Have a difficult conversation?
1/ Here's what nobody talks about with self-sacrifice:
We're performing it.
2/ Not for the person we're "sacrificing" for.
For an invisible audience we've internalized.
We're performing it.
2/ Not for the person we're "sacrificing" for.
For an invisible audience we've internalized.
October 28, 2025 at 11:45 PM
1/ Here's what nobody talks about with self-sacrifice:
We're performing it.
2/ Not for the person we're "sacrificing" for.
For an invisible audience we've internalized.
We're performing it.
2/ Not for the person we're "sacrificing" for.
For an invisible audience we've internalized.
I've been cataloging the ways we betray ourselves.
The chocolate thing? That's just one type.
Here are the others I'm noticing:
Time betrayal: "I'll rest after this is done" (it's never done)
Boundary betrayal: Saying yes when your body screams no
The chocolate thing? That's just one type.
Here are the others I'm noticing:
Time betrayal: "I'll rest after this is done" (it's never done)
Boundary betrayal: Saying yes when your body screams no
October 27, 2025 at 10:55 PM
I've been cataloging the ways we betray ourselves.
The chocolate thing? That's just one type.
Here are the others I'm noticing:
Time betrayal: "I'll rest after this is done" (it's never done)
Boundary betrayal: Saying yes when your body screams no
The chocolate thing? That's just one type.
Here are the others I'm noticing:
Time betrayal: "I'll rest after this is done" (it's never done)
Boundary betrayal: Saying yes when your body screams no
I realized something this week while eating chocolates.
I was eating the ones I didn't like first.
Saving the good ones for last.
Like I had to earn them.
And suddenly I could see my entire life in that moment.
The way I treat rest. Work. Joy. All of it.
I was eating the ones I didn't like first.
Saving the good ones for last.
Like I had to earn them.
And suddenly I could see my entire life in that moment.
The way I treat rest. Work. Joy. All of it.
October 26, 2025 at 1:30 PM
I realized something this week while eating chocolates.
I was eating the ones I didn't like first.
Saving the good ones for last.
Like I had to earn them.
And suddenly I could see my entire life in that moment.
The way I treat rest. Work. Joy. All of it.
I was eating the ones I didn't like first.
Saving the good ones for last.
Like I had to earn them.
And suddenly I could see my entire life in that moment.
The way I treat rest. Work. Joy. All of it.
20 days. Charlotte to Costa Rica.
Building in public. Pushing through growth edges.
The kind that make you uncomfortable in ways you can't name but know you need.
Motion creates clarity.
You don't figure it out, then move.
You move, then figure it out.
That's the work.
Building in public. Pushing through growth edges.
The kind that make you uncomfortable in ways you can't name but know you need.
Motion creates clarity.
You don't figure it out, then move.
You move, then figure it out.
That's the work.
October 25, 2025 at 12:48 PM
20 days. Charlotte to Costa Rica.
Building in public. Pushing through growth edges.
The kind that make you uncomfortable in ways you can't name but know you need.
Motion creates clarity.
You don't figure it out, then move.
You move, then figure it out.
That's the work.
Building in public. Pushing through growth edges.
The kind that make you uncomfortable in ways you can't name but know you need.
Motion creates clarity.
You don't figure it out, then move.
You move, then figure it out.
That's the work.
I said yes to opportunities I wasn't qualified for.
I wrote before I had a platform.
I led before I had a title.
The decision came first.
The result followed.
What decision are you avoiding?
I wrote before I had a platform.
I led before I had a title.
The decision came first.
The result followed.
What decision are you avoiding?
October 25, 2025 at 1:22 AM
I said yes to opportunities I wasn't qualified for.
I wrote before I had a platform.
I led before I had a title.
The decision came first.
The result followed.
What decision are you avoiding?
I wrote before I had a platform.
I led before I had a title.
The decision came first.
The result followed.
What decision are you avoiding?
You are only one decision away from living a different life.
Not because one choice transforms everything.
But because one decision in alignment creates momentum.
It opens a door. It shifts trajectory.
Make the decision. The result will follow.
Not because one choice transforms everything.
But because one decision in alignment creates momentum.
It opens a door. It shifts trajectory.
Make the decision. The result will follow.
October 24, 2025 at 12:12 AM
You are only one decision away from living a different life.
Not because one choice transforms everything.
But because one decision in alignment creates momentum.
It opens a door. It shifts trajectory.
Make the decision. The result will follow.
Not because one choice transforms everything.
But because one decision in alignment creates momentum.
It opens a door. It shifts trajectory.
Make the decision. The result will follow.
Quick mental model:
Stop asking "What should I do?"
Start asking "Who am I becoming—and what would that person do right now?"
Every decision is a vote for the identity you're building.
You don't need permission.
You need to keep voting.
Stop asking "What should I do?"
Start asking "Who am I becoming—and what would that person do right now?"
Every decision is a vote for the identity you're building.
You don't need permission.
You need to keep voting.
October 23, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Quick mental model:
Stop asking "What should I do?"
Start asking "Who am I becoming—and what would that person do right now?"
Every decision is a vote for the identity you're building.
You don't need permission.
You need to keep voting.
Stop asking "What should I do?"
Start asking "Who am I becoming—and what would that person do right now?"
Every decision is a vote for the identity you're building.
You don't need permission.
You need to keep voting.
I cashed $1,007 paychecks as a teacher.
Not because I wasn't capable of more.
But because I hadn't yet made the decision to see myself differently.
Not because I wasn't capable of more.
But because I hadn't yet made the decision to see myself differently.
October 21, 2025 at 11:10 PM
I cashed $1,007 paychecks as a teacher.
Not because I wasn't capable of more.
But because I hadn't yet made the decision to see myself differently.
Not because I wasn't capable of more.
But because I hadn't yet made the decision to see myself differently.