“We’ll serve the white meat, and send the dark meat to a black ops site.”

It's Florida, so I assume they took his mug shot with the mouse head on.

They couldn’t wait until the Pirates inevitably released him, I guess.

Start printing those playoff tickets.

God: "I'm bored. I think I'll make Ken Paxton cheat on his wife."
Gabriel: "God, you little scamp!"

I would have ended that sentence three words earlier.

"In lieu of using actual science to save lives, let's waste some time asking god to not kill a bunch of people the next time because that totally works. Amen."

Depends. If it's a breaking baby, I probably just foul it off and hope the next one's a fastbaby.

You’ve influenced me to carry my brain around in a pie pan. Other than that, I barely pay attention to your opinions.

"Celebrate your heritage of racism, treason and surrender."