Phil_davis
@phil-davis.bsky.social
I'm in my 50s. I play video games on Twitch. I guess sometimes I say funny things.
I guess I just want to live my life so I'll enjoy it.
Oh, and also, I don't want to die and have that make the entire country happy.
Oh, and also, I don't want to die and have that make the entire country happy.
January 14, 2026 at 11:46 AM
I guess I just want to live my life so I'll enjoy it.
Oh, and also, I don't want to die and have that make the entire country happy.
Oh, and also, I don't want to die and have that make the entire country happy.
The deception of social media is not what you do to the outside world (hiding who you truly are), but in fact what you do to yourself: you convince yourself that since you posted a thought that seemed really important, it accomplished something when in fact you shouted into The Void.
January 14, 2026 at 5:35 AM
The deception of social media is not what you do to the outside world (hiding who you truly are), but in fact what you do to yourself: you convince yourself that since you posted a thought that seemed really important, it accomplished something when in fact you shouted into The Void.
If the goal of Metroid Prime 4 was to make everyone rush out and find a way to play Metroid Prime 1, then great success.
Metroid Prime 4: Beyond Disappointment
Metroid Prime 4: Beyond Disappointment
a man in a suit and tie with a mustache is standing in front of a map and says great success .
ALT: a man in a suit and tie with a mustache is standing in front of a map and says great success .
media.tenor.com
January 14, 2026 at 2:05 AM
If the goal of Metroid Prime 4 was to make everyone rush out and find a way to play Metroid Prime 1, then great success.
Metroid Prime 4: Beyond Disappointment
Metroid Prime 4: Beyond Disappointment
"You can squirt in my Dirt, or dirt in my Squirter."
-Amy Sedaris - The Heart, She Holler
-Amy Sedaris - The Heart, She Holler
January 13, 2026 at 2:18 AM
"You can squirt in my Dirt, or dirt in my Squirter."
-Amy Sedaris - The Heart, She Holler
-Amy Sedaris - The Heart, She Holler
This country is disgraceful.
January 11, 2026 at 9:38 AM
This country is disgraceful.
The thing that Batman swoops in to do, that no one knows about, that we're all supposed to think is "noble", if no one knows about it, no one knows it needs to get done. So everyone relies on an "unknown" to do it.
It needs to have an allocation to have it done already, without an unknown to do it.
It needs to have an allocation to have it done already, without an unknown to do it.
January 10, 2026 at 6:09 AM
The thing that Batman swoops in to do, that no one knows about, that we're all supposed to think is "noble", if no one knows about it, no one knows it needs to get done. So everyone relies on an "unknown" to do it.
It needs to have an allocation to have it done already, without an unknown to do it.
It needs to have an allocation to have it done already, without an unknown to do it.
Just wanna mention I went to a Pizza Hut in Gaithersburg, MD, drunk and stoned as hell, ordered something (don't remember), received something (still don't remember) and ate it, and it was the best thing I ever ate.
So Pizza Hut, make more of that.
So Pizza Hut, make more of that.
January 10, 2026 at 5:35 AM
Just wanna mention I went to a Pizza Hut in Gaithersburg, MD, drunk and stoned as hell, ordered something (don't remember), received something (still don't remember) and ate it, and it was the best thing I ever ate.
So Pizza Hut, make more of that.
So Pizza Hut, make more of that.
We're all moving at the speed of time. Together.
I wish there was a way you could just stop for a bit. Take a breather. But it never stops moving.
The years really start comin', and they don't stop comin'. And then we're all fed to the rules, but we hit the ground running.
I wish there was a way you could just stop for a bit. Take a breather. But it never stops moving.
The years really start comin', and they don't stop comin'. And then we're all fed to the rules, but we hit the ground running.
January 8, 2026 at 9:31 PM
We're all moving at the speed of time. Together.
I wish there was a way you could just stop for a bit. Take a breather. But it never stops moving.
The years really start comin', and they don't stop comin'. And then we're all fed to the rules, but we hit the ground running.
I wish there was a way you could just stop for a bit. Take a breather. But it never stops moving.
The years really start comin', and they don't stop comin'. And then we're all fed to the rules, but we hit the ground running.
While I do not consider my bathroom mat a "floor towel", I DO consider my socks to be "mobile dishcloths".
Socks are disposable anyway, might as well keep grape juice off the vinyl.
Socks are disposable anyway, might as well keep grape juice off the vinyl.
January 4, 2026 at 10:26 PM
While I do not consider my bathroom mat a "floor towel", I DO consider my socks to be "mobile dishcloths".
Socks are disposable anyway, might as well keep grape juice off the vinyl.
Socks are disposable anyway, might as well keep grape juice off the vinyl.
I don't toss this phrase around lightly, but...
Life Pro Tip: the perfect place to calibrate your telescope is in the parking lot of a Target.
Life Pro Tip: the perfect place to calibrate your telescope is in the parking lot of a Target.
January 3, 2026 at 10:35 PM
I don't toss this phrase around lightly, but...
Life Pro Tip: the perfect place to calibrate your telescope is in the parking lot of a Target.
Life Pro Tip: the perfect place to calibrate your telescope is in the parking lot of a Target.
Cut the shit out of my index finger in a bizarre shaving accident (don't ask), and I now know if I were to lose either hand, I'd need a nose-picking attachment on the resulting prosthetic.
January 2, 2026 at 2:15 PM
Cut the shit out of my index finger in a bizarre shaving accident (don't ask), and I now know if I were to lose either hand, I'd need a nose-picking attachment on the resulting prosthetic.
I refuse to believe living, breathing human beings (NOT BOTS) really give any kind of a shit about what's on their pancake mix box.
Dude, how the fuck did people find a way to get pissed about pancakes? I guess it's the same people that flipped out over beer and xmas.
Dude, how the fuck did people find a way to get pissed about pancakes? I guess it's the same people that flipped out over beer and xmas.
December 30, 2025 at 12:03 PM
I refuse to believe living, breathing human beings (NOT BOTS) really give any kind of a shit about what's on their pancake mix box.
Dude, how the fuck did people find a way to get pissed about pancakes? I guess it's the same people that flipped out over beer and xmas.
Dude, how the fuck did people find a way to get pissed about pancakes? I guess it's the same people that flipped out over beer and xmas.
So if we say "Happy Holidays" now, still in the holiday season but after jebus' b-day or whatever, would it still count as a final salvo in the War on Xmas? Or does Happy Holidays not count this late in the game?
We could be racking up some major points before the clock runs out...
We could be racking up some major points before the clock runs out...
December 30, 2025 at 7:55 AM
So if we say "Happy Holidays" now, still in the holiday season but after jebus' b-day or whatever, would it still count as a final salvo in the War on Xmas? Or does Happy Holidays not count this late in the game?
We could be racking up some major points before the clock runs out...
We could be racking up some major points before the clock runs out...
"Will we ever get to a time where the day is not ruled by cynicism and apathy?"
"Probably not, and who fuckin' cares."
"Probably not, and who fuckin' cares."
December 30, 2025 at 3:29 AM
"Will we ever get to a time where the day is not ruled by cynicism and apathy?"
"Probably not, and who fuckin' cares."
"Probably not, and who fuckin' cares."
I've seen squirrels my whole life; never seen anything I would immediately identify as squirrel shit. They have to, right? So where is it all?
December 26, 2025 at 11:59 AM
I've seen squirrels my whole life; never seen anything I would immediately identify as squirrel shit. They have to, right? So where is it all?
"Instant Karma"?
You mean consequences.
When something happens as a direct result of your actions, that is not a cosmic balancing. It's cause and effect.
You mean consequences.
When something happens as a direct result of your actions, that is not a cosmic balancing. It's cause and effect.
December 20, 2025 at 8:10 AM
"Instant Karma"?
You mean consequences.
When something happens as a direct result of your actions, that is not a cosmic balancing. It's cause and effect.
You mean consequences.
When something happens as a direct result of your actions, that is not a cosmic balancing. It's cause and effect.
People are seriously surprised that a guy who does nothing but say shitty things said something shitty after a tragedy.
As a reminder, we could've not done this. I voted so we wouldn't have to hear this dude every day.
You all fucked up.
As a reminder, we could've not done this. I voted so we wouldn't have to hear this dude every day.
You all fucked up.
December 16, 2025 at 2:07 AM
People are seriously surprised that a guy who does nothing but say shitty things said something shitty after a tragedy.
As a reminder, we could've not done this. I voted so we wouldn't have to hear this dude every day.
You all fucked up.
As a reminder, we could've not done this. I voted so we wouldn't have to hear this dude every day.
You all fucked up.
With the cold weather now upon us, I kinda miss stomping all the lantern flies.
December 13, 2025 at 1:27 AM
With the cold weather now upon us, I kinda miss stomping all the lantern flies.
What'll be really weird is when they make a nostalgic movie about 2025 and have to include all the Stranger Things merch.
December 8, 2025 at 12:45 AM
What'll be really weird is when they make a nostalgic movie about 2025 and have to include all the Stranger Things merch.
Dude, double egg patties on my breakfast sandwich! Score!
It felt like finding the Golden Ticket.
It felt like finding the Golden Ticket.
November 16, 2025 at 11:26 PM
Dude, double egg patties on my breakfast sandwich! Score!
It felt like finding the Golden Ticket.
It felt like finding the Golden Ticket.
Someone made this art on an electrical box near my apartment, and it's absolutely exquisite.
It's the hair on the buttcheeks that's killing me.
It's the hair on the buttcheeks that's killing me.
November 10, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Someone made this art on an electrical box near my apartment, and it's absolutely exquisite.
It's the hair on the buttcheeks that's killing me.
It's the hair on the buttcheeks that's killing me.
I wish there was a way i could shave without having to look at my stupid face.
October 18, 2025 at 9:54 AM
I wish there was a way i could shave without having to look at my stupid face.
Y'know, some of us were eatin' candy before Halloween time.
Fuck off, poseurs!
Fuck off, poseurs!
October 18, 2025 at 7:09 AM
Y'know, some of us were eatin' candy before Halloween time.
Fuck off, poseurs!
Fuck off, poseurs!
My now ex-wife and I were divorced on Tuesday. It was uncontested; we both get along enough and still chat, we have kids together, but after 24 years the relationship was dead, and we're both better off.
As an example, we were divorced on Tuesday, but we maintained our friend streak on Duolingo.
As an example, we were divorced on Tuesday, but we maintained our friend streak on Duolingo.
October 9, 2025 at 10:52 PM
My now ex-wife and I were divorced on Tuesday. It was uncontested; we both get along enough and still chat, we have kids together, but after 24 years the relationship was dead, and we're both better off.
As an example, we were divorced on Tuesday, but we maintained our friend streak on Duolingo.
As an example, we were divorced on Tuesday, but we maintained our friend streak on Duolingo.
When it comes to beef stew, if you're not beating your meat, you're just stroganoff.
September 11, 2025 at 12:33 AM
When it comes to beef stew, if you're not beating your meat, you're just stroganoff.