I bought a bunch of plastic spiders 🕷️ to hide in our warehouse at work but people were getting freaked out so I made little post-it notes to put next to the spiders that say “I AM NOT REAL” and “I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND” and I think it’s actually funnier now

I gave my son a shirt with his cat’s face all over it and here is the pic of his cat’s reaction 😂

Crazy coincidence, Aaron… I lost my 19 year old daughter to suicide, nine years ago. Her name? Also Natalie. ❤️

There’s literally nothing wrong with them but my coworkers don’t know that and they’re crediting me with all manner of nefarious things I didn’t even think of. I’m totally taking notes for next year…

I’mma get this tattooed right between my boobs

So whenever you see the word NOEL at Christmastime, remember the time my kid signed all my Christmas cards from LEON, and allow yourself not to be perfect. Nobody cares.

Joyeux Leon, mes amis.

Get it, Edna