Richard Scott
@peanutgallerycomix.bsky.social
Founder of Peanut Gallery Comics. Writer, cartoonist, songwriter, comedian.
Pinned
My latest cartoon collection is available at the Barnes and Noble website. I hear things about it. Good things. You should get.
Would I be Santa Claus? Let's see: Work 1 day of the year? Check. Obesity problem seen as an endearing character trait instead of a personal failing or serious medical condition? Check. Only downside is that Mrs. Claus' boobs have got to be sagging so much they bang elves on the head left and right.
December 23, 2025 at 10:06 AM
Would I be Santa Claus? Let's see: Work 1 day of the year? Check. Obesity problem seen as an endearing character trait instead of a personal failing or serious medical condition? Check. Only downside is that Mrs. Claus' boobs have got to be sagging so much they bang elves on the head left and right.
Spam email: "Beautiful women want to hear from YOU!"
True, but first they want to hear my credit card number.
True, but first they want to hear my credit card number.
December 23, 2025 at 10:01 AM
Spam email: "Beautiful women want to hear from YOU!"
True, but first they want to hear my credit card number.
True, but first they want to hear my credit card number.
I looked up a woman that I found attractive in high school. I saw her Facebook profile and thought, "Wow, she still looks great!" Then I realized, "Oh, that's her daughter, standing next to that mummy smoking a cigarette."
December 16, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I looked up a woman that I found attractive in high school. I saw her Facebook profile and thought, "Wow, she still looks great!" Then I realized, "Oh, that's her daughter, standing next to that mummy smoking a cigarette."
Remember when Marjorie Taylor Greene said we can now buy dildos and butt plugs at Target? She said it like it was a bad thing. But I'm more skeptical that she's ever shopped at a place as fancy as Target. Even Wal-Mart shoppers look at her and think, "Who let her kind in here?"
December 15, 2025 at 11:23 AM
Remember when Marjorie Taylor Greene said we can now buy dildos and butt plugs at Target? She said it like it was a bad thing. But I'm more skeptical that she's ever shopped at a place as fancy as Target. Even Wal-Mart shoppers look at her and think, "Who let her kind in here?"
I'd get to work sooner if it weren't for all these damn speed bumps--or, as the traffic cop calls them, "pedestrians." #drivingtips
December 12, 2025 at 9:13 PM
I'd get to work sooner if it weren't for all these damn speed bumps--or, as the traffic cop calls them, "pedestrians." #drivingtips
Naked And Moist is a good indie band name.
December 11, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Naked And Moist is a good indie band name.
I was told there would be no math... which is odd, given that it was an algebra course.
December 11, 2025 at 3:15 PM
I was told there would be no math... which is odd, given that it was an algebra course.
"When you're down and out, you need to fight, fight, fight!"
That's what I told the judge after arranging a fight club for the homeless.
That's what I told the judge after arranging a fight club for the homeless.
December 4, 2025 at 2:37 PM
"When you're down and out, you need to fight, fight, fight!"
That's what I told the judge after arranging a fight club for the homeless.
That's what I told the judge after arranging a fight club for the homeless.
Join my Substack @peanutgallerycomics And if you're already subscribed, check your spam folder. I can tell you folks aren't reading it.
December 3, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Join my Substack @peanutgallerycomics And if you're already subscribed, check your spam folder. I can tell you folks aren't reading it.
Whenever someone tells me to drive defensively, I always remind them that the best defense is offense. #drivingtips
December 2, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Whenever someone tells me to drive defensively, I always remind them that the best defense is offense. #drivingtips
Enter Ben Roach. Erm, not that way.
November 30, 2025 at 11:37 AM
Enter Ben Roach. Erm, not that way.
Why do people avoid politics at family dinners? I spent 17 years trying to escape the kiddie table, so talk like you're adults with jobs and a stake in the country's outcome. I'd absolutely welcome political discussions in my house.
Granted, that's probably why I'll be home alone with my tacos.
Granted, that's probably why I'll be home alone with my tacos.
November 30, 2025 at 10:52 AM
Why do people avoid politics at family dinners? I spent 17 years trying to escape the kiddie table, so talk like you're adults with jobs and a stake in the country's outcome. I'd absolutely welcome political discussions in my house.
Granted, that's probably why I'll be home alone with my tacos.
Granted, that's probably why I'll be home alone with my tacos.
#BlackFriday should be called by its more politically correct name, "African-American Friday."
November 30, 2025 at 10:18 AM
#BlackFriday should be called by its more politically correct name, "African-American Friday."
Russia's aviation authority once recommended that the head of Aeroflot be fired because the flight path of one of their commercial jets resembled a penis. It all seems kind of silly until you learn that the pilot was known for diving into canyons.
November 30, 2025 at 10:17 AM
Russia's aviation authority once recommended that the head of Aeroflot be fired because the flight path of one of their commercial jets resembled a penis. It all seems kind of silly until you learn that the pilot was known for diving into canyons.
Ugh. "Doughnuts for breakfast" looked so much better on paper.
November 30, 2025 at 10:14 AM
Ugh. "Doughnuts for breakfast" looked so much better on paper.
Whenever I hear "Children are our future," it always reminds me that we are hopelessly, irretrievably doomed.
November 30, 2025 at 10:13 AM
Whenever I hear "Children are our future," it always reminds me that we are hopelessly, irretrievably doomed.
Gravy boat, gravy train... Have you noticed that all the best transportation methods involve gravy? Where's my gravy jet pack?
November 30, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Gravy boat, gravy train... Have you noticed that all the best transportation methods involve gravy? Where's my gravy jet pack?
I'm thankful that I don't work for a business where I put my life in jeopardy just by opening the doors on Black Friday.
November 28, 2025 at 4:40 PM
I'm thankful that I don't work for a business where I put my life in jeopardy just by opening the doors on Black Friday.
Spoiler alert: the series is called "Lucifer for Congress."
November 27, 2025 at 7:21 AM
Spoiler alert: the series is called "Lucifer for Congress."
I don't do those mushy "things I'm thankful for" posts, so here's some things I'm NOT thankful for: fleas, snow, almond milk, missing remotes, bad hair days, Elon Musk, people who share fake Lincoln quotes, and the Electoral College. Also, Gary Posselque of Fort Wayne, Indiana. He knows what he did.
November 27, 2025 at 7:19 AM
I don't do those mushy "things I'm thankful for" posts, so here's some things I'm NOT thankful for: fleas, snow, almond milk, missing remotes, bad hair days, Elon Musk, people who share fake Lincoln quotes, and the Electoral College. Also, Gary Posselque of Fort Wayne, Indiana. He knows what he did.
Anyone here a fan of Schoolhouse Rock? Then check out my song "Preposition" from Scotthouse Rock! youtu.be/iq9brFTscKA?...
Preposition (from Scotthouse Rock)
YouTube video by PeanutGalleryComics
youtu.be
November 26, 2025 at 6:31 AM
Anyone here a fan of Schoolhouse Rock? Then check out my song "Preposition" from Scotthouse Rock! youtu.be/iq9brFTscKA?...
Sometimes I stroll past a neighbour's yard, see the leashed cougar wearing its mustard-stained Princeton sweatshirt, perched atop an overturned moped, surrounded by a scattered assortment of used condoms and old copies of Time magazine, and I think, "I'll bet there's a story behind that."
November 26, 2025 at 6:29 AM
Sometimes I stroll past a neighbour's yard, see the leashed cougar wearing its mustard-stained Princeton sweatshirt, perched atop an overturned moped, surrounded by a scattered assortment of used condoms and old copies of Time magazine, and I think, "I'll bet there's a story behind that."
A woman set a Guinness World Record by traveling to all 7 continents in three and a half days. OK, KAREN, I GET IT: YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED! Sheesh. Most women would just give me a fake phone number.
November 24, 2025 at 10:37 AM
A woman set a Guinness World Record by traveling to all 7 continents in three and a half days. OK, KAREN, I GET IT: YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED! Sheesh. Most women would just give me a fake phone number.
Eyes are the window to the soul. And that's why I treat blind people like the soulless monsters they are.
November 20, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Eyes are the window to the soul. And that's why I treat blind people like the soulless monsters they are.