But idk, I can't tell whether I be harder and stricter on myself of forgive myself and give myself more credit.

I've tried my best recently to slowdown my thoughts and take my health seriously. But I just can't settle on what I suppose are just objectively better decisions to ensure that I can continue doing the things I want to or afford, well most things.

And just going out on Friday's for Magic and the occasional friend gathering or family event. All amazing times and fun moments. But I'm always at some point thinking in the back of my mind, "Can't you do better?" it's one point toxic masculinity and another imposter syndrome.

The last felt like I've taken a risk outside of dropping work to both go to school and quell my insanity of getting looped into the minimum wage rabbit hole. Again, not a bad thing, but I suppose unfulfilling is the word I'm looking for. In the meanwhile this past half year was mostly school...

But as of lately, I've been wondering whether I could be doing more. Like as a person and an adult lol. I dropped working for full-time school, and at this point because of how the world is rn, I feel like a bum who's only doing stuff because it's the safest path ahead. Can't recall...

It's about past 1am so I think I'll just rant into the void, then go to sleep and hopefully move on.

I'm not in a terrible place right now, and if I'm going to be honest, I actually might be thriving better than before. So yay.

I just finished 2 of them, about to be a third lol. It's ok you're not the only one drowning.

I've been itching to leave or at least be on there less, but it's obviously harder to leave something you've invested a lot into.