A sodastream is a machine that puts the gas into seltzer water, and I am a machine that does the opposite

bunch of employees who work at the government facility where they keep ET wet freaking out because they need five things for the email but all they did last week was spray water on ET

Hi, I'm Joe Pera. I think the most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

The United Healthcare CEO was only shot because the working class has been priced out of saw traps

"It'd be cool if I could write a tiny blog post from my phone," a guy says, setting in motion events which will culminate in the collapse of a global superpower