My greatest passive-aggressive gift triumph was a 5-gallon bucket of Zoo Doo (composted critter waste from the Woodland Park Zoo). It is IDEAL. It’s great for the garden, you’re supporting a good cause, and you can gift someone a literal pail of 💩 in all sincerity.

Mmm, Aqua Velva! L’chaim!

Almost a relief, how it’s all burned to the ground annually over the last five years.

“frequent and pointless” is going to roll around in my brain for the rest of my life

My mom was going through a whole wheat-germ, no-sugar phase at this time (I never had a Slurpee OR a Pop-Tart until college), so the very existence of these has blown my mind. I’m poring over the photo someone shared of the full set like a Biblical scholar.

“Ruby” still slaps!

THIS. In elementary school, I thought the Gatlin boys had just been real mean to Becky. They tore her dress! Her mom was probably gonna be mad! 😱

“Hey! Hi, other tubby stubby cat named Iris!”

Those brittle turkey shards are hurting my gums on sight…but I’m most alarmed by whatever the brownish pustules are, creeping offscreen on the lower left

This fills me with even more New York love and joy than the friggin parade. Greatest city in the world!

As a technical writer and editor who just got laid off from a behemoth tech company because the AI is gonna do it all, I can confidently say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHGGGHGHHH

Donny appears to be out of his gourd on cold medicine and running a fever of 104. I’m hard pressed to think of a worse job to have to do when you’re already hallucinating, poor bastard.

Before even clicking through, I have begun chanting “Cheap! Ass! Rolls!” like a pep squad

A high school friend swiped a roll of “I’M FRESH TODAY!” stickers from a local deli, and I think a few still persist in some of my old notebooks. (Same girl also had a custom rubber stamp made that said simply DUH. I’m just realizing now she was an avant-garde genius.)

I’ve been trying to parse my Grammy’s lefse recipe for what constitutes “enough potatoes” for years. This measurement might depend on a particular enamel dishpan from a hardware store that ALSO no longer exists, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am so glad that I didn’t hallucinate this one!

1. This thread=immediate follow, because the tripping-balls insanity of the Macy’s parade has always been my 2nd favorite part of the holiday (1st: next-day turkey sandwiches). 2. The way prickly Bryant Gumbell, Professional Journalist, is resenting this intro especially has me 💀💀