Also
Right texture for a burger that doesn't disintegrate all over you

Easy protein replacement for a balanced diet without endless research into nuts

Please stop asking us why we eat them. Why are you so obsessed with us?

P.s we love cheese so let us put it on vegan burgers! Please 😭

I do think this might be the funniest thing that's ever happened. Nothing will ever top it

Oooh finally a Hugh, how exciting! We've been looking for one

Experiences yet to come:

The look of adoration and excitement when she sees you after nursery

The first time she tells you she loves you

The first time she runs at your legs and hugs them

The first time she makes a friend at nursery and you know she's ok

The first picture of you she brings home

To be honest on Twitter I feel like the "big audience" is mostly bots and fake accounts blindly liking things with minimal interactions. I have almost no following here but all of them are real people who are interesting and engage. Much more rewarding!

Part 8:

Back in the waiting room he repeats that he's going to poo a magnet and it's in his drain at the moment (his digestive system).

He has a biscuit, gets discharged and waves goodbye to everyone. They all wave back. I got him a cake and all was well.

Part 7:

"Hmm," she says "it should have done. What's his surname?"

Suddenly it clicks. This woman thought his FIRST NAME was Ogbert. She believed for the entire encounter that I had named my child fucking Ogbert and somehow didn't laugh at me.

Oscar gets his X-ray and a sticker.

Part 6:

The lovely receptionist asks for a name

"Ogbert" I say. She types "how's that spelt?" She says professionally, all is totally normal I'm used to having to spell it so I do

"I can't seem to find him" she says puzzled. I say "we did walk here quite quickly, maybe it's not gone through yet"

Part 5:

Next he gets swiped by a metal detector and is very excited that the magnet is in his tummy and he has something attached to his finger which was his favourite bit.

He gets referred for an X-ray and we toddler on down waving at everyone we pass.

Part 4:

A man comes to fix something in the roof with a ladder which is the best thing ever and Oscar demands to know why I don't have a ladder. The man knocks a paper parrot off the ceiling and gives it to Oscar, he's very excited about it and tells the man that he's going to poo a magnet.

Part 3:

He spots a lady eating strawberries and marches over to scam one (he doesn't like strawberries). He comes back, licks it and says "I'm not going to eat it I'll put it back". He marches back and tells her he's licked it and he's going to put it back. She removes it when he's not looking.

Part 2:

We get there and he immediately spots a doctor, corners her and tells her all about how he has a magnet in his tummy but it's ok because it will be in his poo and his poo will be messy. This is at maximum volume in the middle of the waiting room, the entire room begins to laugh.

Absolutely, I would take from recent events not that we're more tolerant than ever but that we're starting to become more vocal when we see intolerance. Great news but a way to go! Been a bit sick of saying "so, we're just going to put up with this are we?" Over the years. Hope the trend continues

Ah it's ok to just love love. I think your view is pretty healthy and it sounds like you have the emotional maturity to know a good thing when it does come along x

As long as he doesn't do that thing where he shows you a big image and asks which squares have part of the motorcycle in them causing you stare at the bit where 2 pixels go over the line thinking "I might be a robot"

It's been a long time since I've said LOL and actually meant it

I feel this in a place deep inside, quietly screaming for help. My 3 year old threw a ball down a hill today and then cried because his ball had gone down a hill.

Absolutely living for the weirdo's right now! Feel so at home