Watching the news today and Oscar is very interested.

"Mummy what's that"
"Well that's the prime minister. Someone's in trouble and he's had a meeting with lots of people to try and help"
"Oh... Is it about crochet?"

This evening Oscar has informed me that speech marks are scary and all books with speech marks must be banished. We thought we were safe with Goodnight Moon but, alas, the old lady whispering "hush" had to go.

@stephenmcgann.uk seeing you pop up on here reminds me of the time you had to sign my pride condom bag because the card machine was broken and I couldn't buy your book. I'd forgotten how funny that was. Excellent talk, made me cry 😭 you guys were so lovely and have since bought book! X

Grandad: you need to pick something up off the floor to get a chocolate *gestures to the cave of chaos*

Oscar: picks up the teeniest tiniest crumb he can find.

Grandad: Fine here, now pick up something else if you want more

Oscar: *drops chocolate, picks it up and holds hand out*

😑

A story of Oscar's favourite day in many parts

Part 1:

Oscar accidentally swallowed a magnet so we had to go to a&e

I told him we have to go and see a doctor just to make sure it's not gone anywhere it shouldn't but it would probably be fine and just come out in his poo.

Me: *sings to my lovely children*
Oscar: No mummy, we're trying to eat.

Oscar: Have you got boobs mummy?
Me: Yes I have boobs
Oscar: You need bigger ones

😑

Me changing my trousers in the living room and the door goes

Me (quietly): For goodness sake

Oscar (stomps to to the front door, flings it open): FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

Evri lady hands Oscar the parcel and runs away while I shout sorry with 1 leg still out of my trousers

Struggling to know who to follow on here so my current tactic is to search for the word "tea" and follow everyone that likes tea and seems interesting. So far it's been very successful!

While changing his sister

Oscar: Oh. Where is Trixie's penis?

Me: She hasn't got one

Oscar: She needs a toy one

Oscar: "Have you got Vinted up?"

Me: "No, what do you want Vinted for?"

Oscar: "We need to get a new mummy"

Savage 😭

Not sure our Amazon delivery driver was expecting to be greeted by a judgy 3 year old telling him his music was too loud and he needs to turn it down but he graciously did as he was told and was given the nod of approval by Oscar

Oscar: HAVE YOU GOT BLOOD ON YOUR BOTTOM MUMMY?

Me: *weeps silently as I remember when I could use the toilet alone*

Oscar: *sees sister on my lap being bum shuffled down the stairs*

Oscar: GRANDAD!

Grandad: Yes Oscar?

Oscar: Bum me grandad!

Both myself and grandad nearly imploded attempting to keep a straight face

Oscar: *Throws all of his books on the floor*
Me: Why?
Oscar: Why not? *Shrugs and walks away slowly grinning*

Oscar: I need more presents
Me: I don't have any money
Oscar: Just get more (shrugs)
Me: How exactly?
Oscar: Um... Get it from the sofa?