Smokey the Axolotl
@onebucfan808.bsky.social
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Your time machine fucks up and you end up in the worst moment of human history. You also do not have arms or legs. I am there in front of you in worm form. Wyd?
April 23, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Your time machine fucks up and you end up in the worst moment of human history. You also do not have arms or legs. I am there in front of you in worm form. Wyd?
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Drunk thought: i want to have sex a lot!! *sips beer*
October 30, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Drunk thought: i want to have sex a lot!! *sips beer*
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Spiderman's smallness is his bigness
January 8, 2026 at 3:31 AM
Spiderman's smallness is his bigness
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Shawty too wide. Can't wear shoes
January 6, 2026 at 3:30 AM
Shawty too wide. Can't wear shoes
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I'm not impressed by victories. The champions probably just applied a winning strategy
December 16, 2025 at 1:31 AM
I'm not impressed by victories. The champions probably just applied a winning strategy
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
NEW MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY JUST DROPPED
Obese --> 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Morbidly Obese --> 𝓛𝓾𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Underweight --> 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓽 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓼𝓼
Obese --> 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Morbidly Obese --> 𝓛𝓾𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Underweight --> 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓽 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓼𝓼
December 25, 2025 at 2:38 PM
NEW MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY JUST DROPPED
Obese --> 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Morbidly Obese --> 𝓛𝓾𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Underweight --> 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓽 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓼𝓼
Obese --> 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Morbidly Obese --> 𝓛𝓾𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓥𝓸𝓵𝓾𝓹𝓽𝓾𝓸𝓾𝓼
Underweight --> 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓽 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓼𝓼
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Exiting all of my apps by pressing the "house" button on my handy dandy remote
December 25, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Exiting all of my apps by pressing the "house" button on my handy dandy remote
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
It's funny how many things you don't notice until you notice them
December 25, 2025 at 1:59 AM
It's funny how many things you don't notice until you notice them
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
The grinch is kinda like luigi mangione if you think about it in the exact way I'm currently thinking about it
December 25, 2025 at 2:59 AM
The grinch is kinda like luigi mangione if you think about it in the exact way I'm currently thinking about it
It’s almost like when you fight against things that are real, reality wins. Yay for poopy!
December 25, 2025 at 1:35 PM
It’s almost like when you fight against things that are real, reality wins. Yay for poopy!
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
*sprays Baker Mayfield with a water spray bottle* BAD DOG BAD DOG
December 21, 2025 at 9:00 PM
*sprays Baker Mayfield with a water spray bottle* BAD DOG BAD DOG
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
*scratching Baker Mayfield behind the ear* oughhhh look at this good boy go! You're the goodest boy out there on the field of Bank of America stadium this last Sunday before christmas, aren't you? Good boyyyy
December 21, 2025 at 8:33 PM
*scratching Baker Mayfield behind the ear* oughhhh look at this good boy go! You're the goodest boy out there on the field of Bank of America stadium this last Sunday before christmas, aren't you? Good boyyyy
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
[Dialectical thinking survey for goth gf applicant] Yeah you're gorgeous but riddle me this [pulls out pen] are you hot or cold? Lukewarm? Nice, okay. Now, are you yes or no? Yes? Hmm. I see. Okay, are you in or out? Unsure? Excellent. What about up or down? Up? No down at all? Curious. Mkay.
July 25, 2025 at 9:10 PM
[Dialectical thinking survey for goth gf applicant] Yeah you're gorgeous but riddle me this [pulls out pen] are you hot or cold? Lukewarm? Nice, okay. Now, are you yes or no? Yes? Hmm. I see. Okay, are you in or out? Unsure? Excellent. What about up or down? Up? No down at all? Curious. Mkay.
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Lowkey after all this grape juice I've been drinking I feel like I could fight a bear
December 6, 2025 at 8:29 PM
Lowkey after all this grape juice I've been drinking I feel like I could fight a bear
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
The amount of grass I've touched this year is outrageous. I'm unbearably connected to the real world and feverishly in touch with my surroundings. My thumbs are so stiff and ripped from not posting any Discord messages. Enlightenment is my middle name. Are you a virgin
December 5, 2025 at 1:06 AM
The amount of grass I've touched this year is outrageous. I'm unbearably connected to the real world and feverishly in touch with my surroundings. My thumbs are so stiff and ripped from not posting any Discord messages. Enlightenment is my middle name. Are you a virgin
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
...and that was "The A team" by Ed Sheeran. Here on WXYZ: "The Supermarket", we pride ourselves in playing the most diverse music possible. So as you shop for moldy cheese you can feel represented in our music choices. Anyway here's "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran
December 4, 2025 at 1:48 AM
...and that was "The A team" by Ed Sheeran. Here on WXYZ: "The Supermarket", we pride ourselves in playing the most diverse music possible. So as you shop for moldy cheese you can feel represented in our music choices. Anyway here's "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Need dating advice: How mysterious would i seem if I wore a shirt with a big question mark, had question mark- shaped tattoos and jewelry, always looked visibly confused, had a little question mark over my head
November 15, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Need dating advice: How mysterious would i seem if I wore a shirt with a big question mark, had question mark- shaped tattoos and jewelry, always looked visibly confused, had a little question mark over my head
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Cuomo: Mamdani just has no experience with horse girls.
Zohran: I love it when the horse girls run. It reminds me of walkable cities.
Sliwa: its like my ol friend Jack Burton used to say back in the twenties when we was runnin up against the Chinese hell of the upside down sinners. "What the hell"
Zohran: I love it when the horse girls run. It reminds me of walkable cities.
Sliwa: its like my ol friend Jack Burton used to say back in the twenties when we was runnin up against the Chinese hell of the upside down sinners. "What the hell"
November 11, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Cuomo: Mamdani just has no experience with horse girls.
Zohran: I love it when the horse girls run. It reminds me of walkable cities.
Sliwa: its like my ol friend Jack Burton used to say back in the twenties when we was runnin up against the Chinese hell of the upside down sinners. "What the hell"
Zohran: I love it when the horse girls run. It reminds me of walkable cities.
Sliwa: its like my ol friend Jack Burton used to say back in the twenties when we was runnin up against the Chinese hell of the upside down sinners. "What the hell"
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Had a dream about a new kind of smoothie called a purple aloha vaginas smoothie
November 9, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Had a dream about a new kind of smoothie called a purple aloha vaginas smoothie
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
You have top ten lesbians. I top ten lesbians. English verbs are actually one of the easier parts of the language to learn if you think about it
November 2, 2025 at 5:46 AM
You have top ten lesbians. I top ten lesbians. English verbs are actually one of the easier parts of the language to learn if you think about it
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
LMAOOOO there's NO way you're fitting a watermelon through there
November 2, 2025 at 12:13 AM
LMAOOOO there's NO way you're fitting a watermelon through there
Every man has many men in him…not in the gay way, but in the prison way.
~ Sun Tzu
~ Sun Tzu
November 1, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Every man has many men in him…not in the gay way, but in the prison way.
~ Sun Tzu
~ Sun Tzu
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
Bitch I am including you intentionally. Consider yourself considered.
November 1, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Bitch I am including you intentionally. Consider yourself considered.
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
You're not psychic I'm just autistic and predictable
October 31, 2025 at 11:57 PM
You're not psychic I'm just autistic and predictable
Reposted by Smokey the Axolotl
I'm not angry or bored. Just Nordic and locked in
October 25, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I'm not angry or bored. Just Nordic and locked in