Growing up, my mom “rapped” our answering machine message and it was my preteen PTSD.

I just moved over here from twitter. Glad you’re still around! (forktweets over there)

Well, now it’s my bday. Thank you, Jen. I miss old twitter.

Magnets–I know exactly how they work.

The Clash - Lost in the Supermarket

Most of my pet encounters are people claiming they’re service animals when they clearly are not. This one was fully outside while the owners changed places doing shots. They marry on Saturday out of town. I wish them well.

Three of my employees asked if they could go pet the dog. Absofuckinglutely. Just wash and sanitize your hands after you come in. I’m a cool boss, but rules are rules.