The #innercritic is more than just the voice of a cruel father or an absent mother, it's more than every childhood bully, it's a trained version of me, a clone. It's a stand in for those that came before, that are now absent, stepping in to be the perfect brutalizer. #mentalhealth

Speaking of the #innercritic, it is always there. A millstone of rhetorical venom, hellbent on grinding my mind to dust. It tells me horrible things about myself & others, it knows all my failures and weaknesses, it's the perfect duplicate of my internal analytical cynic. #mentalhealth

I'm not really sure what I need or want; moments of being present happen time to time, mostly on water. #kayaking has been a boon to my #mentalhealth, something about the moving water & the physical exertion involved keeps that brutal #innercritic at bay long enough where I can relax in peace.

A fellow #instructor joins me and we corral the two boats/swimmers, get them in their #kayak and send them on their way just in time for a grinning photo op as they pass a photographer in the brush

#rescue #instruction #safety

As it's happening a 2nd #rescue is taking place above my spot; I'm unaware of it until I see a #kayak floating by with no swimmer, it sends me into a frenzy to find the swimmer & I'm about to dive out to check the boat before I spot him standing on the shore 100 yards up river. #safety #instruction

I went several hundred yards before I found a muddy shelf just below the water and jumped out into it, sinking up to my knees. I dumped the #canoe and gathered my belongings, scrambled back up and continued on my way. I loved it. The act filled me with strength and resilience, my #mentalhealth needs

I needed to stick to the right bank because the #canoe was filling with water and all the conditions combined were making keeping my balance challenging. I was looking for a place to dump or bail so I can make it further down river. The bank was muddy and steep, it crumbled as I stared.

I skirted the bank in my #canoe, it was my first outing in this new #wenonah, an otherwise sunny day with mild weather around the time I expect to be at the take out. Enough distance to let me feel how it paddles. Yet, here I was with unseasonable ( but very welcome ) rain.

That bubble is fascinating; activities like #paddling and #hiking take you to isolation and when conditions are extreme that isolation becomes more absolute. It's an awesomely bizarre security blanket, all my worries in the world are a sphere of my immediate surroundings.