I think I have another contender…

She has only one wing.

She had a big enclosure surrounded by other owls, and because she was imprinted she was very calm around people. Bite you good if you got careless tho lol.

She wasn’t injured but she was imprinted which unfortunately made her unreleasable. I think someone had found her as a chick and tried to raise her. They brought her into our center and we kept her as an ambassador bird to teach the public about native species and conservation.

Jesus: *weary sigh* “I’ll get the eye gouger…”

Stuff like this that makes me believe humanity is gonna be ok

You & Jesus tensely scanning a collage of dicks:

You: “sooo… weird question but uh… can you like… recognize the people in these photos just from their dicks? Like since you made them and you’re omniscient and all?”

Jesus: “..d …don’t ask me stuff like that please.”

Hell yeah

Also who passes up a chance to sit down?!

Question: do we have to know what the reason is?

Detective 1: “Get me interpol!”

Detective 1: “what’s this doodle down in the margin?”

Detective 2: “it appears to be Paddington Bear sir.”

Detective 1: (smugly) “heh heh heh… you just gave away the farm, limey…”

Great [read as: “horny”] minds think alike

I’m sure it would for the passengers but the flight crew would get real sick of it real fast lol

Fights not over yet though. The NIMBYs will appeal the vote and we’re going to have to go before city council, prob in the next month or two.

Quote of the night was from a human colon polyp that got up to the mic and bloviated red-faced: “the assertion the facility hasn’t drawn any complaints in 3 years of operation is suspect to me. I would have complained a lot if I knew they were there!”

Thanks for making our point for us dude lol.

*passengers sleeping peacefully on a cross country red eye. Suddenly the plane begins to furiously pitch and weave as muffled sounds of a struggle emanate from the cockpit. The radio clicks on and you hear the copilot & stewardess trying to wrestle my headset away from me*

“Ladies and gentlemen…”

Well I had to get the bones out so there’d be room to get my hand in there and do the puppeting…

There are a few other things we need to do to get there too but I’ll get banned (among other, more serious consequences) if I say them out loud…