*walking in a winter wonderland*
ME: where's bluebird?
BIRD: gone
ME: w... who are you?
*bird looks around shiftily*
BIRD: I'm new bird

Elf on a Shelf is so wretched that they needed to get out Living Saint Darlene Love to cleanse the aura of the whole parade.

A vampire that’s not Dracula (derogatory)

If you see this, post a monster:

youtu.be/kSQ8tZ35t4U?...

Toxic Masculinity is OUT!
Ghost of Christmas Present Masculinity is IN!

- Loud laughs
- Roasted meats and spiced drinks
- Hospitality to strangers
- Living in the moment
- Singing in public
- Body positivity
- Emotional generosity
- Sick robes

Me (jiggling the door handle): Locked. I’ll have to find another way through.

RANKING LITERALLY EVERY PROPHET IN THE BIBLE BY HOW GOOD OF A POSTER THEY WOULD BE IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER

NO I AM NOT KIDDING

(1/69)

Patrick Mahomes coming out of the locker room:

good morning, ICE must be destroyed morning

Know your Krampus!

We’re one week away from Krampusnacht and right at the kick-off of the Haunted Season, so if you only know the Krampus from movies or TV, you may not be familiar with the numerous Krampus varietals that stalk the valleys and streets in early December

1/?

Wretched and traitorous comedy tick Jimmy “Coffin Food” Fallon* and soulless marketing cop Elf on the Shelf deserve each other.

*: nickname per Tim Rogers.