Alastair Hazell
@noodlechaser.bsky.social
Whimsical nonsense from the world of Alastair—entrepreneur and inventor of the world's first edible spacesuit (made of sponge fingers).
I'm using my incredible powers of mystic noodling to give you my predictions for 2025. Full article: www.chasinganoodle.com/p/my-predict...
January 6, 2025 at 1:50 PM
I'm using my incredible powers of mystic noodling to give you my predictions for 2025. Full article: www.chasinganoodle.com/p/my-predict...
Christmas cards for pets are just getting ridiculous, aren’t they?
December 20, 2024 at 12:10 PM
Christmas cards for pets are just getting ridiculous, aren’t they?
The Oxford word of the year is ‘brain rot.’ I don’t mean to be pedantic, but it’s not a single word, is it? It’s a bit like me saying my favourite fruit is a pear and apple crumble. Or, my favourite pop singer is S Club 7 (which is actually true).
December 3, 2024 at 2:32 PM
The Oxford word of the year is ‘brain rot.’ I don’t mean to be pedantic, but it’s not a single word, is it? It’s a bit like me saying my favourite fruit is a pear and apple crumble. Or, my favourite pop singer is S Club 7 (which is actually true).
My latest attempt at humour - The Speed Awareness Course.
The Speed Awareness Course
Did you know that driving too fast is the leading cause of people getting pulled over for speeding?
www.chasinganoodle.com
November 5, 2024 at 10:22 AM
My latest attempt at humour - The Speed Awareness Course.
The clocks have gone back in the U.K. and, to be honest, I’m not a fan of GMT. I’m sticking with BST. If you want me, you’ll find me in an hour. 🕣
October 27, 2024 at 7:55 PM
The clocks have gone back in the U.K. and, to be honest, I’m not a fan of GMT. I’m sticking with BST. If you want me, you’ll find me in an hour. 🕣
The alternative to the Outpatient wards…
October 6, 2024 at 10:25 AM
The alternative to the Outpatient wards…
My generosity knows no bounds. Here are my general knowledge quiz answers... 👇
The General Knowledge Quiz
Don't tell me I'm not helpful!
www.chasinganoodle.com
October 1, 2024 at 2:04 PM
My generosity knows no bounds. Here are my general knowledge quiz answers... 👇
300 million emojis on our smartphones and the one time we need an emoji for this... not a sausage! 🤷🏻♂️
Starmer mistakenly calls for ‘return of sausages’ in major Labour conference speech
Sir Keir Starmer mistakenly called for the “return of the sausages” in a major speech at Labour’s annual party conference in Liverpool on Tuesday, 24 September. The prime minister was calling for rest...
www.independent.co.uk
September 25, 2024 at 4:05 PM
300 million emojis on our smartphones and the one time we need an emoji for this... not a sausage! 🤷🏻♂️
New product idea…
September 9, 2024 at 4:25 PM
New product idea…
I’m starting an OnlyFans…
August 21, 2024 at 2:56 PM
I’m starting an OnlyFans…
Today I started the campaigning group Just Stop Foil – dedicated to ending the tyranny of crinkly aluminium wrapping. Who’s with me?
August 16, 2024 at 5:57 PM
Today I started the campaigning group Just Stop Foil – dedicated to ending the tyranny of crinkly aluminium wrapping. Who’s with me?
Exciting news! The IOC asked for my help to brainstorm new events for the 2028 Olympics. Here’s what I came up with… 👇
www.chasinganoodle.com/p/new-oly…
www.chasinganoodle.com/p/new-oly…
August 11, 2024 at 2:33 PM
Exciting news! The IOC asked for my help to brainstorm new events for the 2028 Olympics. Here’s what I came up with… 👇
www.chasinganoodle.com/p/new-oly…
www.chasinganoodle.com/p/new-oly…
I think athletics relays could be made more interesting if they swapped the batons out for a selection of seasonal vegetables.
August 5, 2024 at 9:57 AM
I think athletics relays could be made more interesting if they swapped the batons out for a selection of seasonal vegetables.
Introducing a new concept: the ‘Multi-Story Car Park.’ Visitors drive in and park. Someone then reads them a selection of children’s bedtime books.📚
August 2, 2024 at 6:05 PM
Introducing a new concept: the ‘Multi-Story Car Park.’ Visitors drive in and park. Someone then reads them a selection of children’s bedtime books.📚
Came up with a new meat brand today…
July 29, 2024 at 5:34 PM
Came up with a new meat brand today…
The Inconvenience Store - my latest article… www.chasinganoodle.com/p/the-inconv...
The Inconvenience Store
Located somewhere an unreasonable distance from you — Alastair’s Inconvenience Store — where everything you need is either out of stock or on a high shelf.
www.chasinganoodle.com
July 25, 2024 at 2:31 PM
The Inconvenience Store - my latest article… www.chasinganoodle.com/p/the-inconv...
I’ve been drinking Smartwater three times a day for 5 years now. At what point will people stop calling me stupid?! 🤔
July 17, 2024 at 6:03 PM
I’ve been drinking Smartwater three times a day for 5 years now. At what point will people stop calling me stupid?! 🤔
I was chatting to a couple this morning about 'mixed-weight’ relationships. One of them understood it, the other didn’t. I think they’re in a mixed-IQ relationship.
July 16, 2024 at 6:34 PM
I was chatting to a couple this morning about 'mixed-weight’ relationships. One of them understood it, the other didn’t. I think they’re in a mixed-IQ relationship.
I can’t disagree with this…
July 11, 2024 at 1:27 PM
I can’t disagree with this…
There are two types of people in this world: Those who know how to use an apostrophe, and those who dont'.
July 10, 2024 at 5:35 PM
There are two types of people in this world: Those who know how to use an apostrophe, and those who dont'.
I’m creating a new stage show: ‘Safety Curtain’. I still have a few things to iron out (plot, scripts). But, mark my words, you’ll soon be seeing SAFETY CURTAIN in theatres up and down the country!
July 3, 2024 at 10:46 AM
I’m creating a new stage show: ‘Safety Curtain’. I still have a few things to iron out (plot, scripts). But, mark my words, you’ll soon be seeing SAFETY CURTAIN in theatres up and down the country!
Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be…
June 24, 2024 at 10:39 AM
Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be…
🤔 Question: What’s the deal with hotel showers? Multiple dials with different settings and symbols - it’s like trying to crack a safe, naked, at 6 in the morning. What chance do we have?
June 20, 2024 at 6:12 PM
🤔 Question: What’s the deal with hotel showers? Multiple dials with different settings and symbols - it’s like trying to crack a safe, naked, at 6 in the morning. What chance do we have?