Gabriel Slabchunk - A Real American Rowsdower
@no1-special.bsky.social
So-so writer, reader, gamer, movie fan. I enjoy enjoying the things I enjoy. Big fan of the block feature, I have no time for right-wing trolls (that's redundant) trying to feel like they matter to their betters.
Anyway, that's it. Now I guess back to it 'cause like I said, kinda obligated. And it's not TERRIBLE.
January 3, 2026 at 2:38 PM
Anyway, that's it. Now I guess back to it 'cause like I said, kinda obligated. And it's not TERRIBLE.
If you're gonna say they're scientific but this one's perpetually on fire, and this one spits acid, and this one turns invisible, then my guy, you have left any possible scientific explanation FAR behind. "It's a viru..." No, they're magic, they're magic and you need to admit that and own it, OK?
January 3, 2026 at 2:38 PM
If you're gonna say they're scientific but this one's perpetually on fire, and this one spits acid, and this one turns invisible, then my guy, you have left any possible scientific explanation FAR behind. "It's a viru..." No, they're magic, they're magic and you need to admit that and own it, OK?
Finally, I want a game that's internally consistent. If your zombies are supernatural, then own it.
January 3, 2026 at 2:38 PM
Finally, I want a game that's internally consistent. If your zombies are supernatural, then own it.
Speaking of which, I want a game with actual stealth mechanics built into it, not just "ostensibly there but we didn't plan for anyone to use them as a playstyle, so crouching is just being lower to the ground, not actually affecting your visibility."
January 3, 2026 at 2:38 PM
Speaking of which, I want a game with actual stealth mechanics built into it, not just "ostensibly there but we didn't plan for anyone to use them as a playstyle, so crouching is just being lower to the ground, not actually affecting your visibility."
I want a game with one kind of zombie where the threat is numbers, and stealth - in that they can lay there dead and then pop up - not because you've created the super primo deluxe ultra mega zombie 3000 variety.
January 3, 2026 at 2:38 PM
I want a game with one kind of zombie where the threat is numbers, and stealth - in that they can lay there dead and then pop up - not because you've created the super primo deluxe ultra mega zombie 3000 variety.
I want a game where you can find a place that's safe and make it safer - and yes, I realize that this means that the place has to be able to be crashed into if you don't care for it and it's hard to make a story that includes that, I know, this is wishing.
January 3, 2026 at 2:37 PM
I want a game where you can find a place that's safe and make it safer - and yes, I realize that this means that the place has to be able to be crashed into if you don't care for it and it's hard to make a story that includes that, I know, this is wishing.
Chapter 1, verse 5: And what I wish for is a game where the characters act like actual humans, which zombie movie characters (and by extension, zombie game characters) do not. I want a game where there's some tension-breaking humor to spice it up without going total grimdark the rest of the time.
January 3, 2026 at 2:37 PM
Chapter 1, verse 5: And what I wish for is a game where the characters act like actual humans, which zombie movie characters (and by extension, zombie game characters) do not. I want a game where there's some tension-breaking humor to spice it up without going total grimdark the rest of the time.
But stock characters, inappropriate comedy, zombies that aren't fuckin' zombies at all, it doesn't actually add up to anything I can get invested in. Is this a "me" problem? Yeah, probably, I suppose, but a person can still *wish*.
January 3, 2026 at 2:37 PM
But stock characters, inappropriate comedy, zombies that aren't fuckin' zombies at all, it doesn't actually add up to anything I can get invested in. Is this a "me" problem? Yeah, probably, I suppose, but a person can still *wish*.
Is humor to break the tension, and the few times that the survivors handle a situation easily through luck and good planning, and of course, the ending." So they remove the 90% entirely and then turn that 10% into the whole game. And on paper, that's fine.
January 3, 2026 at 2:37 PM
Is humor to break the tension, and the few times that the survivors handle a situation easily through luck and good planning, and of course, the ending." So they remove the 90% entirely and then turn that 10% into the whole game. And on paper, that's fine.
But most zombie game writing seems to be based on this premise: "A zombie movie is 90% interpersonal drama - which doesn't make for a good survival game - and trying to secure their zone - which also isn't fun for action, but can be for strategic games. The 10% that everyone remembers . . .
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
But most zombie game writing seems to be based on this premise: "A zombie movie is 90% interpersonal drama - which doesn't make for a good survival game - and trying to secure their zone - which also isn't fun for action, but can be for strategic games. The 10% that everyone remembers . . .
Relatively near the beginning he headed out on his own for supplies rather than asking anyone, laid down an unbelievable swath of carnage in so doing, and succeeded. Kudos to him in a fictional sense, and the writers in a real one!
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Relatively near the beginning he headed out on his own for supplies rather than asking anyone, laid down an unbelievable swath of carnage in so doing, and succeeded. Kudos to him in a fictional sense, and the writers in a real one!
Chapter 1, verse 4: Which leads us to - overreliance on tropes. Now, honestly, this game in particular doesn't lean as hard on them as I'd feared. Spoiler alert - the self-important ass that seemed destined to either betray everyone, fail spectacularly, or burn out in a blaze of redemption didn't.
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Chapter 1, verse 4: Which leads us to - overreliance on tropes. Now, honestly, this game in particular doesn't lean as hard on them as I'd feared. Spoiler alert - the self-important ass that seemed destined to either betray everyone, fail spectacularly, or burn out in a blaze of redemption didn't.
Either the situation is dire and everyone's tense and fearful and moments of levity are just intended to break tension, OR it's a fuckin' laff riot and no one should take anything in your world seriously, but you want to have moments where they do. One or the other, pick a lane, writers.
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Either the situation is dire and everyone's tense and fearful and moments of levity are just intended to break tension, OR it's a fuckin' laff riot and no one should take anything in your world seriously, but you want to have moments where they do. One or the other, pick a lane, writers.
And in those scenarios, zombie apocalypse = party time. I get that. That is not, however, when people are legit in fear for their lives. You cannot have it both ways.
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
And in those scenarios, zombie apocalypse = party time. I get that. That is not, however, when people are legit in fear for their lives. You cannot have it both ways.
And there's a psychological thing there that I don't want to delve too deeply into, but I'm sure someone has, and I probably agree with it.
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
And there's a psychological thing there that I don't want to delve too deeply into, but I'm sure someone has, and I probably agree with it.
Chapter 1, verse 3: Cool it with the fuckin' ATTITUDE™! Yes, people enjoy zombie movies. They enjoy planning their zombie survival scenarios (or they did, maybe that's more a 00's thing). They enjoy the idea of things that look like people but they're killable mindless beasts, really.
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Chapter 1, verse 3: Cool it with the fuckin' ATTITUDE™! Yes, people enjoy zombie movies. They enjoy planning their zombie survival scenarios (or they did, maybe that's more a 00's thing). They enjoy the idea of things that look like people but they're killable mindless beasts, really.
So clearly there's an audience for it. But your average zombie film doesn't involve hundreds of jaunts out into infested cities from barely-there shelters that are doomed to be overrun at some point since they're held together by angel hair pasta and hope.
January 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
So clearly there's an audience for it. But your average zombie film doesn't involve hundreds of jaunts out into infested cities from barely-there shelters that are doomed to be overrun at some point since they're held together by angel hair pasta and hope.
Then again, I say that doesn't sound fun, but S.T.A.L.K.E.R. exists, and that's a game where you're a squishy meat dumpling whose only survivability comes in the form of ever-decaying equipment, facing off against mofos taking multiple headshots and saying, "TIS BUT A SCRATCH!"
January 3, 2026 at 2:35 PM
Then again, I say that doesn't sound fun, but S.T.A.L.K.E.R. exists, and that's a game where you're a squishy meat dumpling whose only survivability comes in the form of ever-decaying equipment, facing off against mofos taking multiple headshots and saying, "TIS BUT A SCRATCH!"
And I get that! Neither of those sounds particularly fun! Pick a new genre! Make it fuckin' aliens, I don't care, but if you didn't like zombies, it's a mystery why you've elected to make a zombie game to begin with.
January 3, 2026 at 2:35 PM
And I get that! Neither of those sounds particularly fun! Pick a new genre! Make it fuckin' aliens, I don't care, but if you didn't like zombies, it's a mystery why you've elected to make a zombie game to begin with.
Chapter 1, verse 2: I get it. If all zombies are more or less the same, then if you've fought one zombie, you've fought them all, and either you're overpowered enough that one isn't a threat (so with smart gameplay, there's never a threat), or every confrontation is a life-or-death struggle.
January 3, 2026 at 2:35 PM
Chapter 1, verse 2: I get it. If all zombies are more or less the same, then if you've fought one zombie, you've fought them all, and either you're overpowered enough that one isn't a threat (so with smart gameplay, there's never a threat), or every confrontation is a life-or-death struggle.
Just one. They're zombies. That's it. There are zombies, and then there's Resident Evil, and at least their shit kinda made sense given the setting. No one else's does. Just stop.
January 3, 2026 at 2:35 PM
Just one. They're zombies. That's it. There are zombies, and then there's Resident Evil, and at least their shit kinda made sense given the setting. No one else's does. Just stop.
Chapter 1, verse 1: There is only one kind of zombie. That's it. There are no fast zombies and slow zombies and zombies that breathe fire and zombies that turn into fuckin' arachnids and zombies that are 8 times bigger than normal, etc.
January 3, 2026 at 2:35 PM
Chapter 1, verse 1: There is only one kind of zombie. That's it. There are no fast zombies and slow zombies and zombies that breathe fire and zombies that turn into fuckin' arachnids and zombies that are 8 times bigger than normal, etc.